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Part-time wise man

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Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. – Tom Wilson



I should be wise by now, at my age – beginning to be at least. But I'm not. Not especially. I have my moments. Wisdom is a by-product of a good memory. As Aeschylus said, “Memory is the mother of all wisdom.” If you can't remember stuff it's hard to be wise. I am intelligent, I'll own up to that and I can, on occasion, follow fairly deep lines of thought, but I can't retain them ergo it's hard to be wise for any length of time.

Do you necessarily need to be especially wise to be a writer though? Or clever? Or even that knowledgeable? Isn’t it enough to be entertaining? For some people, perhaps, but not me. Does that make me a show off or a snob? I’d like to think not but I find myself rejecting stuff I write these days left, right and centre because it lacks, for want of a better word, profundity.

pro·fun·di·ty

n.pl.pro·fun·di·ties

  1. Great depth.
  2. Depth of intellect, feeling, or meaning.
  3. Something profound or abstruse.

I’ve always viewed wisdom as a natural progression that begins with data, moves through information and knowledge, onto insight arriving at wisdom which philosopher Will Durant defined quite succinctly as “total perspective.” The trouble with our perspectives is that they tend to fall into two categories: objective and subjective—the inside of a ball cannot see what’s outside nor can the outside of a ball see what the inside is like. It’s an either/or thing.

Every writer faces this question at some point during their career: What impact does my writing have? What difference does it make anyway? Does what I say matter? I find myself coming up against these questions more and more these days. When I was, to use the term Gerald Murnane uses, a “secret writer” the only person my writing had to satisfy was me and me alone and, for the most part, it did just that. I wrote to work things out, things got worked out and the writing got stuck in the proverbial drawer or big red folder as the case may be. Now I’m a published writer. (Yay me.) Now there are people out there—not a lot I grant you—who have put their hands in their pockets, pulled out their credit cards, bought and read one or more of my books and I have to face the fact that there is a very good chance that the next book I write will follow the ones that have already appeared in print and there is something terribly off-putting about that.

Once a book becomes a product everything changes. Products get marketed. Products appeal to demographics. Demographics consist of people and those people come armed to the teeth with opinions and expectations. Bob Dylan had a huge fan base and then one day he—on a whim from all accounts—swaggered onto the stage at Newport with an electric guitar and didn’t do what his fans had come to expect of him and I suspect there are still one or two hardliners out there who still Jerry Lee Lewishave never quite forgiven him. Was that wise? Well it worked out okay in the long run but it might have ended his career. When Jerry Lee Lewis married his thirteen-year-old third cousin twice removed that didn’t exactly go down so well with his fans.

I don’t think being online as much as I’ve been over the last four or five years has been all that good for me as a writer. Okay I’ve met a bunch of nice people—hell, you’re probably one of them—sold a handful of books and I feel a bit more like a real writer these days even though I’m not exactly sure what that might be. But I’m also rubbing shoulders with people who have a very different idea about what it means to be a writer, people who are (or at least it seems as if they are) only interested in sales as if that’s the benchmark, that that somehow vindicates them: I’ve sold x number of books so I’ve arrived. When I was that secret writer I never really thought about what other writers did or were doing. I wrote my books, put them in that proverbial drawer I keep going on about and just got on with it. Now I’m surrounded by all these people who aren’t doing things my way, who aren’t writing books like mine, who aren’t writing for the same reason as me and they make me feel as if I’m doing it wrong. I’d thought that I was fairly secure within myself but I’m not quite so sure because it does get to me.

Wise men tend to be a bit on the isolationist side, antisocial bordering on misanthropic even. They secrete themselves away in caves and hermitages and people have to seek them out and beg audiences with them. That was me until a few years ago, going through the motions of being wise and hoping that actual wisdom might descend upon me somewhere along the line. Now I need to be social which goes against the grain. Is this perhaps because I imagine that if people spend too much time around me they might start to realise that I’m nowhere near as wise as they might have thought at first and that I’m really only a part-timer?

There wasn’t a great deal of mud-slinging when my first wife left me but one thing she did say to me in the heat of the moment in the midst of our living room was, “And do you know something else? You’re not deep. You’re shallow.” And that hurt. Let her slag off my performance in the bedroom by all means, my dress sense, my taste in music but not my intellect. Of course in many, many ways I am shallow although I prefer the term narrow-minded. I don’t have the broadest of tastes nor the widest of experiences and if all the TV channels started to broadcast nothing but science fiction programmes back to back night and day you’d get no complaints from me. I was in my early twenties when she left me. Of course I wasn’t deep. But it’s true that I didn’t just have a chip on my shoulder, I had a whole fish supper. I believed in my writing like at no other time and it’s probably just as well that I didn’t spend much time around other writers because they would have told me the God’s honest truth: You’re not very good, son. And neither I was but the potential was there.

There is something conceited about writing things down. You are making out that these things are worthy of being recorded permanently, that what you have to say is worth listening to and that it will benefit others to read them. Do I believe that about my writing? Actually, yes; yes I do. I think what I write matters and I don’t think I would have written any of it if it didn’t matter and even though I wasn’t that fussed about people reading I still liked it when people did. I liked that I had the power to affect people. That said I’m not very comfortable wielding any kind of power. I don’t like motorbikes. I don’t like guns. I don’t like politics. I like being in the backroom just getting on with things. I also like that every now and then I come out with something that might be construed as actual-factual bone fide wisdom.

I’m not much of a storyteller when push comes to shove. I can enjoy a good story but I’ve never really thought once I’ve read one: I wish I could write something like that. Because I don’t. I was asked recently why I wrote fiction and not essays. It’s a fair question and I thought about it for a while before answering it. The most obvious answer is that it never occurred to me and if I think about why it never occurred to me it’s because I don’t think I could pull it off. Writing an article for Wikipedia is one thing and I wrote a whole slew of them before I started blogging but they were all about what other people had thought, said and done. These kind of essays would be about what I thought and despite the hundreds of thousands of words that I’ve written in this blog, once I start to think about what I think it never takes me very long to say it. Look at any of my poems—pick three or four at random—and you’ll see that most of them have an aphoristic quality about them.

I am not a philosopher—let’s get that straight from the start—I am a poet. But philosophy interests me. The word "philosophy" comes from the Greek φιλοσοφία (philosophia), which literally means "love of wisdom" so perhaps I’m being too harsh on myself. Maybe I am a philosopher. One would hope we all are. Or at least aspire to be. Philosophy is the study of general and fundamental problems, such as those connected with existence, knowledge, values, reason, mind, and language and when you read my poetry you’ll see that these are exactly the kind of topics that I tackle over and over again. An example:


THE WEAKEST LINK


A long time ago
someone bound me
to the pillar of reason.

It might even have been me:
I can't remember now.

But don't think me tamed
after all these years.

When was the last time
you looked at my eyes?

When was the last time
you really looked
at my eyes?

Even the finest chains rust in time.


6 August 1989

It’s probably not my finest poem but it does make one think. My first thought actually is: What the hell was I thinking when wrote that? You bind wild animals to posts not reasonable men. Reason is like a straightjacket though. Think about the falling downfilm with Michael Douglas, Falling Down. What happens when a reasonable man gets pushed too far? By 1989 I had been ‘reasonable’ for thirty years. The eyes, of course, are the windows of the soul. My body was still going through the motions of being good, being reasonable, but inside I was heading for a breakdown and a few short years afterwards it came.

Of course when it came I got packed off to see a psychologist for a bit of behavioural therapy. I’ve seen three over the years and they’ve always found me a bit of a challenge because of the degree of insight I showed as to what was wrong. I’m sure they coped better with overeaters, dipsomaniacs, self-harmers and drug addicts. But we always struggled. Writing is therapeutic. It is for me. Some mental health professionals recommend it and I would go along with them wholeheartedly. What gets produced might not be great literature but if it provides an individual with insight then it’s done its job. It can get tossed in the bin afterwards. What’s more important, the sum or the answer? They tell you at school to show your workings but, at the end of the day, the only thing that really matters in the answer. Unless you want to communicate your insights to another and that’s why I don’t toss my poems in the bin once I’m done with them because the kind of things that preoccupy me are the kinds of things that preoccupy most of us and I was taught never to be selfish:


WISDOM


There are so many types of truth.
Some are simply answers
others are good reasons.

There are excuses too,
sad, watered-down half-truths,
and, of course, platitudes and lies.

Some people refuse to count them.

The deepest truths are called meanings
which don't only answer,
they explain or excuse.

Then comes understanding
and finally insight:
the power to look within and

not be afraid of the dark.


31 August 1997

If you’ve had a look at my website recently you might have noticed that, at the top right of each page there is a quote. They’re all short quotes from my poems and stories. I had to keep them short because of the way the page is formatted and I know in some browsers they don’t look quite as perfect as they do on my machine but my HTML skills are limited. They’re just a few examples of the memorable ways I’ve found to say certain things. And a lot of the times that’s all that wisdom boils down to, a memorable way of saying something.

Robert Frost memorably said that “a poem begins in delight and ends in wisdom.” I wonder how many of us can tick those two boxes once we’ve put our pen down or hit CTRL-S?


Five years after

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Soviet-5YearPlans

Rory: Are you still going to school too?
Dean: Part-time, but everything's good, I've got a five-year plan.
Rory: Five years? Cool... I've got about the next two-and-a-half hours planned... then there's just darkness... and possibly some dragons.

Gilmore Girls: ‘The Incredible Sinking Lorelais’





I am not big on reflection. Like most people I can’t pass a mirror without taking note of what I look like. It’s not vanity. I just want to make sure I don’t look like a tube. Retrospection is something I shy away from too. I have no problems with introspection—I’ve lived inside my own head for years quite happily—but although that’s where my past hangs out we tend to keep to ourselves. I’m not big on anniversaries either. I remember my wedding anniversary but since it’s so close to Christmas we never make much of a fuss about it. Birthdays have become a moveable feast.

I have been churning out these blogs for five years now. My first was on 6th August 2007. I never mentioned to anyone when I reached my first anniversary and most other years by the time I’ve realised that another year has bitten the dust it’s too late to do a post. What would I say anyway? I’d say, “It’s been x number of years,” and you’d go, “Yay you,” and that would be that. So if you feel like going, “Yay you,” don’t let me stop you. I should probably go, “Yay you,” too for sticking with me for however long you’ve been following me. If, of course, this is your first visit, all I have to say is that you’ve got a helluva lot of catching up to do. Helluva lot of catching up. Over 450 entries. Over a million words (and that’s a very conservative estimate).

The Caslon Analytics site had this to say about blogging:

Several studies indicate that most blogs are abandoned soon after creation (with 60% to 80% abandoned within one month, depending on whose figures you choose to believe) and that few are regularly updated.

The 'average blog' thus has the lifespan of a fruit fly. One cruel reader of this page commented that the average blog also has the intelligence of a fly.

The Perseus report … indicates that 66.0% of surveyed blogs had not been updated in two months, "representing 2.72 million blogs that have been either permanently or temporarily abandoned".

That page was last updated in 2009 but even then the author acknowledged that the young were moving away from blogging in droves. It makes sense. If you don’t have much to say—i.e. if you’ve not a deep well of life experience to draw from—then Facebook and Twitter are much easier waters to navigate.

DaveLooking around at the blogs I follow most have been going for years and a few even longer than mine. The oldest is now nine years old. Almost all of them are maintained by individuals who have well and truly passed the bloom of youth. I doubt many are under forty. Dave King is in his mid-seventies and has blogged regularly since December 2006. Over 1250 entries! And showing no signs of flagging. But many others have slipped away quietly and their loss has barely been noticed because if there is one thing the Internet can’t stand it’s a vacuum.

There are a number of reasons why blogs fail. For some real life takes over and that’s great. If only we all had real lives. Mostly the problem is finding stuff to talk about because few of us live exciting lives. As I wrote in a recent comment, “I read, I write, I watch TV. I’m no Stephen Fry.” I made the decision early on to not talk about myself if I could possibly avoid it. I value my privacy, yes, but the real reason was I didn’t think I could entertain people. I’m no Erma Bombeck either. Nor am I much of an expert on anything and those topics I do know a few things about were quickly exhausted which turned the focus of the blog into one of discovery which was fine; I like learning new things. I research things that interest me and write about them. But research takes time and if you’re going to post twice weekly (which is what I started doing) then that’s setting the bar quite high but I did manage that for quite a bit. But a while back I cut back to once every five days which took the pressure off and gave me a bit more time to do other writerly things.

Now I’m looking ahead rather than looking back—I said I wasn’t big on retrospection—and wondering where I’m going next year. This does require a little looking back on where I’ve been, thinking about the goals I set and what I achieved. I never had a five-year plan per se but five years on is a reasonable point to assess progress. I started this blog because everything I read about being a writer in the 21st century said, “Get a blog.” So I got a blog and I blogged—regularly but not so regularly that I bored my readers and burned out myself—and I kept self-promotion to a minimum because I hated following blogs where all they talked about was their ruddy books. And what do you know? I actually sold a few books. Not a huge amount you have to understand but enough to justify going back to the printer for a second run. Followers increased steadily if not rapidly and it looked like I’d ticked all the boxes. For quite a while now—assuming the stats are to be believed—there has been very little growth on this blog. Oh I pick up the odd new follower but mostly it feels as if I’ve levelled out. In fact I’ve just had a look at my stats for the last month and it’s as close to a straight line as you can get. And it’s been that way for months. I’m starting to think that investing so much energy here isn’t necessarily the best use of my time. Most of my hits come from search engines anyway and are rarely to the latest post. I’m also beginning to wonder whether or not even posting every five days is still a burden on my readers because one or two have admitted privately that they don’t always read everything I write. I don’t feel bad about that because I don’t have the time to read everything all my friends write; not properly anyway.

Anyway from now on, for a variety of reasons, I’ve decided to cut back again. This will give me time to think about guest blogs which I’ve only done a couple of times up until now. I’ll also be able to spend more time looking for new ways to promote my writing elsewhere. I’ve just, for example, sent out about 200 poems and stories. The last time I did a mass submission like this was two years ago and that’s no way to get read. I don’t think I approached this project with unreasonable expectations. I did the research—a lot of it—and followed what seemed to be the best advice. What I am starting to realise is that a lot of that advice was never going to work for me because of the kind of writer/person I am. I always prided myself on the fact that I was in this for the long game. Five years is nothing. I could still be here slogging away in another twenty-five. Where else is there to go?

Making Sense smallTo all my regular readers let me just say a sincere thank you for sticking with me. Starting on Sunday 12th August this will now be a weekly blog. The ratio will be three book reviews to one literary article. Not sure what I’ll do on the months with an extra Sunday. If I have news of reviews of any of my own books I may chuck in the odd ‘Aggie and Shuggie’ midweek but we’ll see. There haven’t been many reviews of Milligan and Murphy to shout about. Hopefully my short story collection will fare better. It will be called Making Sense and is a group of stories all revolving around the senses, not simply the five physical senses— ophthalmoception, audioception, gustaoception, olfacoception and tactioception (aren’t they great words?)—but the other ‘senses’ we all rely on to make sense of the world we find ourselves in: sense of humour, sense of justice, sense of impending doom etc. Not set a date for the release but it won’t be until spring 2013 at the earliest.

So lots to do. If you’ll excuse me I’d best make a start. Daylight’s burning.

Lucia on Holiday

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Lucia on Holiday

Truly, Lucia was the irresistible force for which no immoveable object seemed to exist. – Guy Fraser-Sampson, Lucia on Holiday




After having found occasion to dream up collective nouns to suitably describe sets of crows (murder), bishops (bench), capercaillies (tok) and orchids (coterie), it seems strange that the English language, that bedrock of intellectual illumination, has (to the best of my knowledge) neglected to settle on a single word that adequately describes a gathering of egocentrics. Being the lingua franca of a country famed for its eccentrics this seems somewhat remiss. I feel the need to rectify this because the book I am about to talk about concerns a confrontation of egotists.

Everyone can be self-centred from time to time. Mostly selfishness is considered, if not a crime or a sin per se, then at least a less than desirable quality to cultivate in oneself or encourage in others. Selfish people are not considered nice people. The dramatic personae that populates Guy Fraser-Sampson’s latest novel, Lucia on Holiday, appear, on the surface, to be nice people; they are civilised, polite and punctilious with regard to matters of etiquette and decorum. Appearances, which we all acknowledge are prone to untrustworthiness, anyway, are paramount to these people but not in that the-show-must-go-on-stiff-upper-lipped-British fashion; more the all-fur-coat-and-no-knickers sort of way. Not appearing to be what one is expected to be is tantamount to social suicide. Odd that such self-centred people would be so dependent on being seen in the right light by their betters, their peers and even their servants if it comes to that.

Mapp and Lucia were the creations of the English writer E.F. Benson. The novels—there are six by Benson, two by Tom Holt and now a further two by Guy Fraser-Sampson—revolve around humorous incidents in the lives of (mainly) upper-middle-class British people in the 1920s and 1930s, vying for social prestige and "one-upmanship" in an atmosphere of extreme cultural snobbery. Comparisons to P.G. Wodehouse are inevitable and perfectly reasonable for both writers are interested in the comedy of manners. It should also come as no surprise too to learn than Benson was a friend of Oscar Wilde although when you read what Benson wrote about him in later life one might wonder. As it happens Benson was also a homosexual but, unlike Wilde, managed to stay safely ensconced within the confines of his own personal closet until his death; being the fifth child and third son of the Archbishop of Canterbury one can perhaps understand why that might have been important to him.

I enjoyed Guy’s first crack at a Mapp and Lucia novel. It’s called Major Benjy and you can read my review of it here. My opinion?

Bottom line, would I recommend this book? Absolutely. As long as you know what you're getting into. The simple fact is I was smiling by the end of the first page and I continued to smile throughout the book. Is it an easy read? Yes and no. You could rush through this book and get the gist but the whole point of a book like this is to stroll through it like any of the residents wandering up Tilling High Street on the lookout for some juicy gossip. If you tread carefully you will be rewarded.

I had hoped he would write another and so I was delighted to learn he had. I didn’t even try to wangle a free copy. I bought my own. I was pleased to discover that all was well with the folk in Tilling. It is 1929 and the events contained therein could be seen to be the final hoorah of the Roaring Twenties because the book ends with the Stock Market Crash of 1929.

There are a number of reasons why people are selfish. Self-preservation is one of them. “Major Benjamin Flint, now officially Mapp-Flint since his marriage to the redoubtable Elizabeth Mapp” is a survivor, a relic of the Empire and a caricature of the first order. Despite big talk of his courage during military campaigns—especially when his memory has been fogged by one too many “chota pegs”—he has for many years now been on the constant defensive. To say he his hen-pecked is putting it mildly. There is, however, something endearing about him. He’s like most of the males you find in Last of the Summer Wine, still a schoolboy at heart and only really happy when he thinks he’s getting away with something even if that ‘something’ is as innocent as slinking off to the golf links. Matriarchs frequent Wodehouse’s Jeeves and Wooster books, too, in the form of a quartet of demanding aunts: Agatha, Dahlia, Julia and Emily. As with the likes of Compo and Bertie Wooster, there is an innocence about the major. I think that’s why I enjoyed Major Benjy so much.

Lucia’s husband, Georgie, also has to contend with a domineering and manipulative wife. He, to my mind anyway, is a dandy. The excellent Mapp and Lucia Glossary, which Guy readily admits he “has plundered shamelessly” describes him as follows:

George Pillson, Georgie ~ brother of Hermione and Ursula and lately married to Lucia or Emmeline Lucas, widow of Phillip Lucas.

Residents of Riseholme and later of Tilling always thought of George Pillson as Georgie. His main role in life was as cavaliere servente, gentleman-in-waiting or ADC to Lucia. Her devoted henchman, he was the implacably Platonic but devout lover of Lucia. He was her devoted subordinate and courtier with the complete trust and approval of Lucia's first husband Philip or Pepino.

[…]

Such masculinity as he possessed was boyish rather than adult and the most important ingredients of his nature were feminine. He was surprisingly tall. His face was pink and round, with blue eyes, a short nose and very red lips. He made up for an absence of eyebrows by a firm little brown moustache clipped very short and brushed upwards at its extremities

[…]

In his blameless 45 years, Georgie had never flirted with anyone. He had never been the least in love with Lucia, but somehow she had been as absorbing as any wayward and entrancing mistress.  

Of course by the time we get round to Lucia on Holiday the two have spliced the knot although, unlike the Mapp-Flints, they don’t condescend to anything as vulgar as sharing a bed.

MappLucia“Emmeline Pillson, known universally as ‘Lucia’ in honour of her late Italianophile husband, Philip (‘Pepino’) Lucas” and Elizabeth Mapp are nemeses. There is no better word for it. A veritable state of vendetta has existed between the two of them for years. It’s a word either of them would have used since Mapp is as fond as Lucia of inserting apposite (if only in their minds) foreign expressions into the conversation to underline the fact that they are suitably cultured; Mapp’s preference is to butcher French; Lucia, Italian, obviously. The likelihood of them using any phrase or quote correctly is another matter entirely and this, and all other books, are filled with them embarrassing themselves in public, not that either ever acknowledges it and so it never happened. As Guy explains in his introduction:

Mapp’s grasp of the French language is of course either legendary or infamous, depending on your viewpoint. Even having made allowances for her not knowing that ‘cracher’ is ‘to spit’ rather than ‘to crash’, and that ‘rognons’ are kidneys rather than onions, what are we to make of ‘tout égout’? It is likely that what the dear lady really meant was ‘tout égal’, as in ‘c’est tout égal à moi’ (it’s all the same to me), whereas ‘égout’ is of course a sewer. Her unfortunate substitution for ‘carte blanche’ (full discretion) is explained in the text. There again, it is possible that Mapp is deliberately avoiding being heard to speak French well for fear of being accused of having had a grammar-school education.

Shades of Mrs Malaprop.

Lucia’s weakness is facts. She studies guidebooks and texts before entering any situation where she might be called upon—or, more likely, might call upon herself—to pontificate for the benefit of those assembled. For example:

Those unversed in the history of horticulture may be mystified by Lucia’s reference to John Transcendent. Come to that, so might horticultural experts. It is likely that she actually had in mind John Tradescant, who designed the gardens at Hatfield House.

Lucia has money; bucketloads. Elizabeth does not:

[I]n the space of a mere six months the gains on Lucia’s share portfolio had been equivalent to Mapp’s total worldly worth, grimly husbanded and, where possible, augmented over several generations.

This affects the dynamic but be assured that were their financial affairs suddenly switched—as we come to fear they might be during the events of this book, since Lucia has taken a fancy to a new way to invest her small fortune—nothing essentially would change. “Elizabeth had previously been the proud owner of Mallards, but had speculated less successfully than Lucia” and now lives well out of the town in Grebe in the marshes leaving Lucia as “chatelaine of Mallards”. Money gives Lucia scope; Elizabeth has now to be more imaginative. In this book, however, money turns out not to be a problem for once for the Mapp-Flints. The major’s claims concerning his feats of bravery are not unfounded even if his embellishments have caused their veracity to be questioned. Apparently between one and three tigers had been bearing down on an old maharajah and only Benjy’s quick wits and sharp blade had prevented the man from entering the grave sooner than he had planned. Whatever the actual truth was the maharajah was most certainly real and, clearly, so had been the threat upon his life. One day the man’s son advises the Mapp-Flints that he will be calling on them. Needless to say Elizabeth does not fail to make the most of this potential opportunity to upstage Lucia. After Lucia announces her holiday plans Elizabeth counters with:

        ‘But how silly of me! I have news of my own.’
         ‘No!’ said Diva automatically, but somewhat half-heartedly.
         ‘Yes!’ countered Elizabeth equally automatically, but much more enthusiastically. ‘We’re entertaining a maharajah to lunch tomorrow. There! What do you think of that?’
        This time the chorus of ‘No!’ was spontaneous and heartfelt.
         ‘Would this be the maharajah whom dear Major Benjy saved from a tiger with a sword?’ asked Lucia, recovering quickly.
         ‘Oh, dear me.’ She pressed her knuckles against her forehead with a puzzled expression. ‘Or was it a rifle, or perhaps a revolver? I really should know, shouldn’t I? After all, I’ve heard the story so many times.’
         ‘His son, dear, I assume,’ Elizabeth said curtly. ‘I would imagine that Benjy’s dear old maharajah would be pretty ancient by now, wouldn’t you?’
         ‘But no older than Major Benjy, surely?’ Lucia enquired innocently, at which Elizabeth looked most disagreeable and clutched the handle of her shopping bag very tightly indeed.
         ‘Well, we shall see, dear,’ she said with some acerbity…

The young maharajah who arrives shortly thereafter has clearly been brought up on stories of the fine major’s bravery and has come to ask a favour. He requires someone to babysit his son while he himself is off on other “business” in Rome—Benjy immediately gets the maharajah’s gist—and wonders if the couple might be willing to take the young man (he’s actually at Eton) on what he assumes will be the annual holiday to the Continent completely unaware that their finances can barely stretch to a week in Worthing. That unseemly matter never has to raise its ugly head because the maharajah, the consummate gentleman, insists on Bellagiopaying for everything. The key word here—and the one that he will regret uttering—is everything. Some people can be trusted with a blank cheque; others, including someone with an imagination like Elizabeth Mapp-Flint’s, ought not to be. That said, the idea to not let on that she and her husband are going to descend on the same little town of Bellagio in Italy comes not from her but, innocently enough, from Benjy:

         ‘And of course,’ she continued with a smile, ‘it will quite spoil dear Lulu’s summer. She’s told everyone where they’re going now. They can’t change their plans without making it clear that it’s because of us, and then we’ll have won, won’t we?’
         ‘I suppose so, old girl,’ the Major muttered uncertainly, ‘though it seems a shame to spoil the surprise, what?’
         ‘The surprise?’
         ‘Yes, I was assuming you weren’t going to say anything about it, and let Lucia just pitch up on holiday to find us staying at the same hotel, but obviously I got it wrong.’
         ‘Benjy!’ she gasped, clasping her hands together in what she felt sure was girlish glee, ‘But of course – that’s brilliant!’
         ‘Eh?’ he enquired.
         ‘That’s exactly how it shall be.’
         Elizabeth got up from her chair and positively skipped across the room to the Tantalus, emitting a distinct creaking of whalebone as she did so. She poured a generous measure of whisky and came back to hand it to her husband, the light of adulation shining in her eyes.
         ‘Clever boy,’ she said, patting him on the cheek.
         ‘Ah!’ he responded, seizing gratefully upon this most unusual gift.

Out of the mouths of babes and retired majors, what?

There is not much of a plot to this book. Most of the sparring between Mapp and Lucia revolves around Mapp’s attempts to dine at the same time as the Pillsons and the Wyses, another family from Tilling who have decamped to Bellagio to avoid a cholera epidemic in Naples:

         ‘How did you escape?’
         ‘In a fishing boat,’ Amelia boomed. ‘Had to bribe the coastguard, of course. So silly. Why, there hasn’t been cholera in our family for years.’
         ‘But isn’t it infectious, rather than hereditary?’ asked Georgie.
         ‘Nonsense,’ Amelia asserted, ‘and anyway my cheroots would keep any infection at bay. Cheroot smoke is very sterile, you know.’

There are a couple of minor subplots, the most entertaining concerning the relationship between Georgie and his valet, Francesco; he’s no Jeeves but he does have his moments. Whereas Benson underplayed any overtly homosexual elements in most of his books this is now the twenty-first century and so Guy can afford to have a bit more fun at Georgie’s expense even if things do not lead where we think they might. The same goes for the drug references. It’s little wonder that Francesco’s Turkish cigarettes prove so popular.

The book is set, as I have said, in 1929. Guy is quick to point out in his introduction that trying to fit this book within the loose chronology of Benson’s original novels might not be so easy, for which he apologises in advance:

By way of mitigation, it can however be safely submitted that Benson himself was obviously not much concerned with the time and space continuum of the physical world. Anyone who can change the spelling of people’s names (a proud tradition occasionally also practised by the writer), allow characters to disappear without explanation, move an entire town at will from one county to another, and completely ignore any mention of the First World War, is most unlikely to have been troubled by such trifles as international conflicts, the fall of thrones, and the gyrations of financial markets. Thus it is to be hoped that any readers who exhibit a dreary attachment to reality may be prevailed upon to treat any such aberrations as occasions when Homer has nodded.

Gaby01He does, however, include one character from history, Gabriele d’Annunzio. The reason? Guy explains in a note at the end of the book:

When the idea occurred of introducing Lucia to someone even more self-obsessed than herself, there really could only ever be one candidate.

At the time he runs into Lucia he is planning a museum to his honour. The museum was, in fact, built: l Vittoriale degli Italiani, adjacent to his villa at Gardone Riviera on the southwest bank of Lake Garda. Needless to say this inspires Lucia, the current mayor of Tilling in case you were unaware, and she immediately begins planning a museum of her own:

         ‘I was wondering,’ Lucia mused … ‘whether we might not attempt something else in Tilling, but perhaps on an altogether grander scale. Something celebrating the cultural life of our dear Tilling, and its place in the world. Our musical evenings, our new church organ, our splendidly equipped hospital and sporting facilities ...’
         ‘Yes,’ Georgie said, pretending to be preoccupied with inspecting the menu, ‘that’s all very well, Lucia, but don’t you think there might be just the teeniest possibility that some people might accuse you of constructing a museum to your own achievements, like that frightful d’Annunzio fellow?’
        Lucia decided that now was not the time to launch a frontal assault on Georgie’s position, and so gave her silvery little laugh.
         ‘So ridiculous, dear, of course. No, a civic museum, perhaps, a museum of the mayoralty even, celebrating all the famous mayors in Tilling’s proud history.’
         ‘Capital idea!’ said Mr Wyse, with a little bow to Lucia, ‘and as one of our most prominent mayors, dear lady, it would be only right if at least part of a room was indeed dedicated to your own achievements.’
         ‘Oh,’ said Lucia, as if greatly surprised, ‘well, if you think so, Mr Wyse, then I suppose we must give the idea every due consideration.’
        In truth she felt acutely disappointed. She had been envisaging at least two separate rooms of her paintings, together with photographs of her proud record of public patronage. Perhaps there might even be room for a bicycle and a piano? However, part of a room, though sadly demonstrating a paucity of imagination on Mr Wyse’s part, was better than nothing.

This is a book that will be best appreciated by those who are already au fait with Benson’s world. That said it could easily be read and enjoyed if one knew nothing about any of them. Nods to events in past books are never so vague that you can’t get the idea. The events detailed in Mapp and Lucia are summarised perfectly here, for example:

The period during which Lucia had been ‘lost at sea’ during a flood, in tandem with Elizabeth Mapp, was indeed not one upon which her memory chose to linger. Carried out to sea on Grebe’s kitchen table in a thick fog, they had been rescued by the crew of an Italian fishing boat which, despite their entreaties, had then carried on to their customary fishing grounds on the other side of the Atlantic before returning them to Tilling some months later. Perhaps the most galling aspect of the whole saga had been that despite Lucia’s fabled fluency in Italian she had been completely unable to communicate with their hosts (or ‘captors’ as Mapp had insisted on calling them). Naturally Lucia had explained that this was because they spoke not ‘la bella lingua’ but some barbarous dialect dating from well before the time of Garibaldi.

As it happens they were lost at sea on Boxing Day, 1930 but, as Guy has already explained, since Mapp and Lucia’s universe cares little for the space-time continuum, we’ll say no more about that.

Bottom line: if you know Benson’s work then you know what you’re getting into and will be delighted by this. If not and you enjoy the humour of PG Wodehouse then this is well worth the effort. I particularly enjoyed the ending where we get to see Lucia on her own, separated from all her usual sparring partners for a few pages, having travelled to London to see her brokers, which is where she hears about the Wall Street Crash. Not sure purists will appreciate it but I liked that we get to see Lucia off-stage, in natural light, and not just the glimpses we get throughout the book c/o the omniscient narrator but a long, lingering look at her without her makeup. So it’s a bit of a downbeat ending but spot on.

***

GuyGuy Fraser-Sampson originally qualified as a lawyer and became an equity partner in a City of London law firm at the age of 26. In 1986 he left the law and has since gained twenty years' experience in the investment arena, particularly in the field of private equity. His is the author of a number of best-selling non-fiction books on finance and investment: Alternative Assets: Investments for a Post-Crisis World, Multi-Asset Class Investment Strategy, No Fear Finance: An Introduction to Finance and Investment for the Non-Finance Professional and Private Equity as an Asset Class. He has appeared many times on radio and television in the last year or two talking about the current financial and economic crisis which is the subject of his most recent non-fiction book The Mess We're In: Why Politicians Can't Fix Financial Crises.

In 2008 he published his first book of fiction, Major Benjy, and in between he’s also written Cricket at the Crossroadswhich discusses three episodes of crisis that occurred between 1967 and 1977 that changed the structure, organisation and complexion of the English and international game forever; the Close affair, the D'Oliveira affair and the Packer affair. His first book on the Plantagenets (working title A Family at War) has been nominated for a Royal Society of Literature award and will hopefully be published later this year.

In the Country of Last Things

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Our lives are no more than the sum of manifold contingencies, and no matter how diverse they might be in their details, they all share an essential randomness in their design: this then that, and because of that this. – Paul Auster,The Country of Last Things



Where will it all end? It’s an odd expression when you think about it, rather poetic, because it doesn’t ask when or how but where as if the future is an undiscovered country we are all travelling to. Auster describes this place as the country of last things but once you start reading through this book you find yourself wading through an alien world, not simply a country, despite the fact all the action takes place in a single unnamed city, most likely New York. In that respect it might have even made more sense to call the book The City of Last Things but really the city is just an example of what is most probably happening throughout the entire country. From what little we glean it may not be quite so bad in the rest of the world but that looks like only a matter of time.

As in The Road we are faced with a dystopian future without any clear explanation how things got to be this bad. Society still exists after a fashion. The city is governed yet no one stays in power for very long. There are still policemen and soldiers. People have jobs, families and lives. But everything I’ve just mentioned could have “of sorts” tagged on afterwards. People continue going through the motions with less and less at their disposal until there is nothing left but the motions and it’s hard to remember what good these actions ever did. When your every waking moment is devoted to the present there is no time to remember things that aren’t essential to that day’s survival. The book’s narrator, Anna Blume, a girl in her early twenties who has travelled from overseas to this city to look for her missing brother William, at one point is trying to find a way out of her predicament and asks someone about an airplane. He doesn’t understand what an ‘airplane’ is and so she explains that it’s “[a] machine that flies through the air and carries people from one place to another.” The man she asks says there are no such things:

That’s ridiculous, he said, giving me a suspicious kind of look. There’s no such thing. It’s impossible. Don’t you remember? I asked. I don’t know what you’re talking about, he said. You could get into trouble for spreading that kind of nonsense. The government doesn’t like it when people make up stories. It’s bad for morale.

This is only five years after the last film has been shown in a cinema and cars are still to be seen on the street. Aeroplanes are not a part of this man’s world and are never likely to be. Just as the city’s material resources are dwindling so is the intellectual capacity of its citizens:

Entire categories of objects disappear – flowerpots, for example, or cigarette filters, or rubber bands – and for a time you will be able to recognise those words, even if you cannot recall what they mean, But then, little by little, the words become only sounds, a random collection of glottal and fricatives, a storm of whirling phonemes, and finally the whole thing just collapses into gibberish. The word “flowerpot” will make no more sense to you than the word “splandigo”.

The book is written by Anna a few years after she has come to the city on an aid ship (which does suggest that things are better elsewhere). We learn a little about her upbringing and it all sounds quite comfortable; she hasn’t wanted in any way. Considering the amount of time Auster devotes to painting a picture of how things work (or don’t work) in the city it might have been nice to hear a bit of the history – there are certainly enough older people who would remember even farther back than Anna – but we get very little. What we do learn is that even though Anna thought she was prepared to take the city on she really has no idea just what life was going to be like there. This book is her letter to someone from her past – which she fully expects will never reach them since all postal deliveries have now broken down and no ships are being allowed to dock – but she writing it anyway. We know from the opening line that she doesn’t survive but whether the intended recipient, a childhood friend, gets her message is unclear. The book opens with the line:

These are the last things she wrote.

and at the start of the book at least we get the odd interjection from whoever it is who has acquired her letter but after a while, like everything else, they disappear and all we are left with is a narrative and the hope perhaps that they might reappear at the end and append a few lines telling us what happens to Anna. She may not have died. Simply because she stopped writing doesn’t mean she’s died but it’s hard to conceive any other future for her as you start to work your way through this book. The whole world is dying and most of them before what, under any other circumstances, we would regard as their time.

One of the big problems with science fiction is the need to provide often-detailed descriptions and expositions so that the narration and the author’s arguments can get lost in the mêlée. Writers of historical fiction face similar problems and so, clearly, do writers of future histories. The book abounds with expressions that need to be explained like:

  • DEATH
    • Runners
    • Leapers
    • Euthanasia Clinics
      • Return Voyage
      • Journey of Marvels
      • Pleasure Cruise
    • Assassination Clubs
    • Transformation Centres
  • RECYCLING
    • Resurrection Agents
    • Scavengers
      • garbage collectors
      • object hunters
    • Fecalists
  • BELIEFS
    • About the future
      • Smilers
      • Crawlers
        • Dogs
        • Snakes
    • About the weather
      • Drummers
      • End-of-the-Worlders
      • Free Associationists
  • OPPORTUNISTS
    • Tollists
    • Vultures

Some are fairly obvious but not all. Although learning about all these groups and organisations is interesting Auster does present most of it by way of what basically amounts to an information dump about forty pages long.

The book itself falls into four distinct sections although there are no discrete chapters, just occasional breaks in the narrative:

  • Alone on the street.
  • With Isabel and Ferdinand, a married couple. Ferdinand has retreated inside himself, never goes out, relies on his wife for everything and spends most of his time building ships inside progressively smaller and smaller bottles
  • With Sam in the library. Sam has abandoned his career as a journalist to write a book chronicling the demise of the city.
  • With Victoria in Woburn House. Following a fall from a window Anna miraculously ends up in a private care facility where she ends up working. The problem is they’re running out of money at an alarming rate.

I’m not going to give you a blow-by-blow account of the book – you can get that from Wikipedia – but I can tell you that this is a character-driven piece of writing, there’s really not much of a plot at all. Anna looks back on what she can remember of her time in the city acknowledging that she’s probably forgotten much (a symptom of life in the city) and apart from a few flashbacks the story progresses in a straightforward linear fashion: she arrives, tries to find William or Sam (the reporter sent after him when William stopped sending reports), realises how futile that is and gets swallowed up with day-to-day existence before fortuitously running into a library where someone has heard of Sam; they eventually get separated, she is injured and ends up in Victoria’s care, realises that she’s not going to be in a position to escape from the city in the foreseeable future and so makes the best of where she’s landed. But nothing lasts forever in the city:

These are the last things…When you live in the city, you learn to take nothing for granted. Close your eyes for a moment, turn around to look at something else, and the thing that was before you is suddenly gone. Nothing lasts, you see, not even the thoughts inside you.

Those who have read Auster’s metafictions might feel a little disappointed by this book. Those who have never read him will probably enjoy the book more but compared to other dystopias like Orwell’s and Huxley’s it falls short. The thing you have to do with this book is not dwell on what it is not – it is not many things – but instead you need to focus on what he provides. That he has the opportunity to do more is obvious – Anna could have provided us with a whole history of the collapse of society gleaned from Sam’s many, many interviews – but that is not what the book is about. It is about her experiences in the now. We might find it interesting to hear how things got to be the way they have but she’s preoccupied with getting through each day’s sufficiency of evils, if I can paraphrase Matthew 6:34.

soylent-greenThere are inevitable similarities to other imagined futures quite simply because many of the things Auster imagines will happen are the kind of things that logically will happen. In Soylent Green, for example, we are introduced to the notion of assisted suicide at a government clinic, a process referred to as "going home" which is very similar to the “Return Voyage” Auster proposes; the “Journey of Marvels” and the “Pleasure Cruise” are simply alternatives for those who can afford them. There are issues Auster doesn’t explore like drugs or disease. Most things only get brief mentions, in fact, like the various governments that have come and gone. But what he does talk about is quite riveting. Like the subject of food:

Often you will overhear a group of people describing a meal in meticulous detail, beginning with the soups and appetisers and slowly working their way to dessert, dwelling on each savour and spice, on all the various aromas and flavours, concentrating now on the method of preparation, now on the effect of the food itself, from the first twinge of taste on the tongue to the gradually expanding sense of peace as the food travels down the throat and arrives in the belly. These conversations go on for hours, and they have a highly rigorous protocol. You must never laugh, for example, and you must never allow your hunger to get the better of you. No outbursts, no unpremeditated sighs. That would lead to tears, and nothing spoils a food conversation more quickly than tears. … There are even those who say there is nutritional value in these food talks – given the proper concentration and an equal desire to believe in the words among those taking part.

It’s positively medieval but it’s still a modern city, there are still cars, albeit cars powered by methane rather than petrol. That’s where the Fecalists come in. Needless to say there is no sanitation as we know it: “[p]ipes have corroded, toilets have cracked and sprung leaks, the sewer system is largely defunct.” But this is a future we all have to look forward to, a world where everything that can be recycled is, including human bodily waste:

Shit and garbage have become crucial resources here … Each census zone has its own power plant, and these run entirely on waste. … Shit is a serious business here, and anyone caught dumping it in the streets is arrested. With your second offense, you are automatically given the death penalty.

The same goes for dead bodies. It is even a crime to bury the dead. Towards the end of the book Victoria breaks this law and it’s not long before someone complains to the authorities. When a member of the Central Constabulary arrives to investigate this is what he has to say to her:

This is most irregular … The selfishness of burial in this day and age – imagine the gall of it. Without bodies to burn, we’d go under fast, that’s for sure, the whole lot of us would be sunk. Where would our fuel come from, how would we keep ourselves alive? In this time of national emergency, we must all be vigilant. No one body can be spared, and those who take it upon themselves to subvert this law must not be allowed to go free. They are evildoers of the worst sort, perfidious malefactors, renegade scum. They must be rooted out and punished.

Strong, clearly heartfelt words, but not so heartfelt that the man cannot be bribed; a handful of “glots”, the currency of the day, buys his silence. Victoria evades incarceration but the corpse does not escape incineration.

THX1138This is an awful book. It describes an awful world. How could it be anything other than awful? And yet it manages to be. If there is one thing that dystopian fictions have in common it’s a hero, someone who tries to rise above even if they can’t escape from the squalor or oppressiveness that they find themselves being sucked into: Winston Smith, Montag, THX 1138, V, John the Savage– in In the Country of Last Things we have Anna who keeps getting up no matter what the city throws at her. This is what my fellow Scot, Steffan Hamilton had to say about her:

Part of what makes Anna the remarkable heroine that she is, is her continuing ability to love, in a city where it is an achievement to retain even the determination to live. Whether it is sexual love – for a man or a woman – or sisterly love, her propensity for passion under such duress is a testament not just to her own character but to humanity as a whole. It is perhaps this undying heart, more than circumstance, that enables Anna to become pregnant, a happening otherwise unheard of in the city. This wholeness of being, along with that of others … is vital to the underlying feeling of hope that is pervasive throughout. Readers of holocaust biography might be reminded of the great love and stoicism that writers like Primo Levi impart.

Without Anna this book would have ended up swallowing itself in its own awfulness. If I was to compare the book to anything I’d probably go with The Children of Men rather than the predictable ‘Orwellian’ – as one reviewer put it, “ALL dystopias are Orwellian.” What we have here is utterly believable. He could have done the same as Dmitrii Bykov in Living Souls and turn his projected future into a sprawling epic but all credit to him for trimming the fat. Much as I would have liked to know more – there’s always more to know – he tells us enough, more than enough really, to enable us to envisage the kind of society Anna has become lost in:

In spite of what you would suppose, the facts are not reversible. Just because you are able to get in, that does not mean you will be able to get out. Entrances do not become exits, and there is nothing to guarantee that the door you walked through a moment ago will still be there when you turn around to look for it again. That is how it works in the city. Every time you think you know the answer to a question, you discover that the question makes no sense.

I read though a great many of the reviews on Goodreads, as I did with The Road, and I found the opinions weren’t quite as polarised as with that book; The Road really does seem to be a love-it-or-loathe-it kind of a book. With this book a lot of the time people were unhappy because it wasn’t what they expected from Auster – “Every time I read another book by Paul Auster, I'm always disappointed when it's not as good as City of Glass,” says Mary.

But why “the Country of Last Things” and not ‘lost’? The `Last Things' of the book's title reference the `Four Last Things' of Catholic theology – death, judgement, Hell and Heaven so is this an eschatological fantasy in a dystopian setting? For me an Amazon reviewer, Paul Bowes (the only one to give the book 2-stars), hits the nail on the head:

It seems easiest to understand In the Country of Last Things as a meditation on the role of memory and language in the creation and maintenance of human identity, but the philosophical themes are not sustained: for long periods Auster seems to forget about the 'last things', and Anna's observations on time and memory are banal.

I think ‘banal’ is a little harsh myself but I do think Auster loses his way a little. He starts off writing one kind of a novel but once the story takes over, once Anna starts interacting with other people and doesn’t spend so much time in her own head, Auster’s arguments are subverted by the needs of the book’s narrative.

The bottom line is I liked it. I’m a great fan of dystopian fiction and I think Auster holds his end up well. No, it is not a perfect book and I very much doubt that when the book is turned into a film (it’s currently in production) that will help because all the interesting stuff – to me at least – will probably end up being ditched in favour of action. I will still be keen to see this world come to life on the screen. The really big question is what they’ll decide to do with the ending. Will they tag on a happy ending or leave things the way Auster does? That is a concern. That said Auster has written the script so he’ll have no one to blame but himself.

The Ossians

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[I]t’s not as simple as “It’s shite being Scottish.” The truth is, it’s both shite and great being Scottish, often simultaneously. – Doug Johnstone, The Ossians




If you’re thinking of taking a tour of Scotland you can either flick through a travel brochure and gawp at all the picturesque places there are (and there are) or you could treat yourself to a copy of Doug Johnstone’s The Ossians. The difference? The travel brochure will present you with the skin of Scotland (photoshopped to within an inch of its life) but beauty, as the old adage goes, is only skin deep. If you want to get to the heart of Scotland read The Ossians. There you'll also find the kidneys, its sickly liver, the spleen, the intestines and the arsehole. Several arseholes in fact. One of the arseholes is the book's antihero, Connor Alexander, “an egocentric, introspective, self-absorbed, narrow-minded bigot” (his words), the founder and lead singer of The Ossians, “a shit, narrow-minded indie band, with pretentions of intelligence”—again Connor’s words, not mine, but you’ll get no argument from me on either count.

When I first heard that Doug was looking for reviewers for this book I hesitated thinking it might be a Tartan Noir crime novel or a thriller, which is how his other books have been described, but while there are numerous criminals within its pages (mostly petty) that's not what the book is really about. I personally hoped it was going to be a cross between two films that I’d enjoyed immensely in the late nineties: Trainspotting and Still Crazy. The former I would imagine needs no introduction but it was the film that reminded the world that snooty, culturally rich Edinburgh was also the crack capital of Europe. Rather than focusing on the official face of the city—on Princes Street, the castle and the Royal Mile—the story revolves around a group of heroin addicts in an economically depressed area of the city (portrayed, in the film, by economically depressed areas of Glasgow actually). Still Crazy is a film about a fictional 1970s rock band named Strange Fruit who are persuaded to get back together to perform at a reunion of the same concert venue where they played their last gig; comedy and pathos ensue. Now I’ve finished the book I have to say it lived up to my expectations—The Ossians: Trainspotting meets Still Crazy.

Trainspotting is definitely a touchstone for Doug. It’s referenced a number of times in the book, for example:

Here’s your Scotland, delivered just the way you like it, straight off a fucking shortbread tin or postcard, with snow-peaked turrets, a bridge and the lapping waters of the loch, and only eighty years old. In Scotland, you either had this piece of twee tourist bollocks, or you had Kyle of Lochalsh up the road – nasty, ugly and depressing. You either had Edinburgh Castle and Brigadoonor you had Trainspotting. But then Trainspotting had become another version of the same thing, hadn’t it? They ran Trainspotting tours of Leith, for Christ’s sake. Didn’t that just misrepresent the country as much as Highlander?

trainspotting

Trainspotting,if you’ve ever tried to read it, is hard work even if you’re a Scot. Irvine Welsh takes no prisoners. It was long listed for the 1993 Booker Prize and was apparently rejected for the shortlist after, so says Welsh in his autobiography, “offending the sensibilities of two judges”.

Welsh explores in depth the absence of a true Scottish national identity. Renton displays a great self-loathing of his country, which he views as a nation "colonised by wankers". Welsh suggests that the idealised image of "Scotland the Brave" is a false heritage, a sentimentalised vision of Scotland perpetuated by events such as the Edinburgh Festival. Welsh also attacks Unionism through Renton's description of his father's Protestant loyalist family. (this is portrayed in the movie after Renton tells Sick Boy "It's shite being Scottish!" and proceeds with his diatribe). – Wikipedia

Just comparing the quote from Wikipedia and the quote from The Ossians it’s easy to see the similarity between the two books. Doug’s book is nowhere near as graphic or violent as Trainspotting. It also pretty much sticks to standard English which, if you’ve ever tried to read Trainspotting, you’ll thank him for.

OssianThe Ossians (named after the narrator and purported author of a cycle of epic poems which the Scottish poet James Macpherson published beginning around 1760) are a fictitious Edinburgh-based band comprising Connor (vocals), Kate Alexander (bass and backing vocals), Danny McIntyre (drums) and Hannah Reid (guitar and keyboards); the latter three's relationship to Connor being twin sister, best friend and girlfriend in that order. They have been together as a band for five years but have yet to hit the big time. They’ve released three EPs, have a small, loyal fan base and, at the end of the tour that comprises the bulk of the book, are headed for a gig in Glasgow where there will be people from some London labels waiting to (hopefully) sign them. All they have to do is get through all the other gigs first. Simples, yes? So it’s a fairly common trope—think of both Bill and Ted films—they have to survive a series of challenges and get to their final trial on time upon which everything hangs.

The self-destructive tortured artist is a cliché: Pete Doherty, Courtney Love, Iggy Pop and Ozzy Osbourne still hanging in there; Joplin, Cobain, Morrison, Vicious and Hendrix among the not so lucky.

Artistically, it's best approached the way David Bowie did it in the mid-1970s. His cocaine addiction turned him into a withered stick-insect figure of a man but also inspired the best music of his entire career. Then he sorted himself out and became the golden-haired survivor we know and love today. That's the trick of course: to "destroy" yourself but somehow "redeem" yourself artistically in the process and become stronger as a result. – Nick Kent, ‘Stairway to Hell’, The Guardian, 19 April 2001

It’s hard to say where Connor sits. The keyboard player in Spın̈al Tap had a simple philosophy of life: "Have a good time all the time […] Pain—who needs it?" Connor could never say that. He’s in constant pain, mental and physical:

He felt the joint top up his level of stonedness, which was combining with the smacky aftermath of what had turned out to be a pretty dodgy E. In turn, the alcohol was taking the edge off the stoned feeling, and the speed was sharpening up the boozy fuzz. On top of it all he’d snicked a couple of Feminax off Kate for the pain in his mouth and this bloody headache, and they were starting to ooze through him. Just another night in the drug cocktail cabinet of his body.

The hope is, of course, that this will be one giant learning curve for Connor. It’s him who made the decision to tour up north “looking for the real Scotland, a tangible nation, something he could call home at least.” So, on top of being egocentric, introspective, self-absorbed, narrow-minded and bigoted, he’s also a bit naïve. But then he is only twenty-four.

We don’t get much back story here. Did Connor become wrapped up in the rock and roll dream or was he simply ill-prepared for it and has turned to drink and drugs to help him cope? I suspect the latter.

In an interview Connor talks about his drug of choice:

Drugs are supposed to get you fucked up, right? And what gets you more fucked up than booze? Nothing. And it’s fucking legal, which is genius. It’s amazing what the human body and mind can achieve fuelled by booze. Great works of art can be created and great pains can be numbed, and all you get is a wee hangover, and probably some chilli sauce stains on your trousers from a kebab on the way home. I’m not advocating that anyone dabble in kebabs, you understand. Evil, nasty things, kebabs. Never touch them.

Withnail and IEveryone drinks too much in the band but no one drinks more than Connor who’s perpetually wandering around with a large lemonade bottle filled with gin and tonic. If this is ever filmed—and I do think it’s eminently filmable—I can see it becoming a cult with its own drinking game like the one associated with Withnail and I. Seriously Connor puts a lot away during this book. As he says to his girlfriend after she expresses concern for his health (in particular his headaches and his insomnia):

        ‘Fucking hell, love, give it a rest. Everyone drinks.’
        ‘Not like you.’
        ‘I’m the troubled artist, amn’t I?’ said Connor, wagging a finger. ‘The old Cobain syndrome, nobody understands my torment and all that pish.’

[…]

        They all drank a lot, a shitload in fact, but he drank differently. They all relaxed when they got pissed, but Connor only became tighter and tighter with every gin.

Now as if watching the train-wreck-in-progress that is Connor isn’t entertaining enough there is an actual story here. In Trainspotting the nasty piece of work is Begbie; in The Ossians its Nick Simpson to whom Connor is in debt and Nick is not the most patient of men:

        As he came out the cubicle he was grabbed by a massive pair of bear mitts and thrown hard against the far wall, banging his head against the cold tiles.
        ‘What the fuck?’ he said, shaking his head. In front of him was a tiny man, not much more than five feet, with a bald head and heavily creased face. Behind him loomed a big bastard mountain of a guy, rubbing his hands together like a kid eagerly awaiting his dinner.
        ‘Nick, I was going to come see you tomorrow,’ said Connor to the smaller guy. ‘Honestly, I just had to get this gig out the way then . . .’
       The short man held up a hand gently as if trying to flag a bus.
        ‘Save it, Con,’ he said in a high-pitched Highland accent. ‘You’re just embarrassing us all with that bullshit. We both know you’ve been avoiding me, and we both know why. The little matter of thirteen hundred quid for drugs which, I assume, you either gave away when you were cunted, or just took yourself, with no intention of ever paying me back. It’s my own fault, of course. I should never have let you run up a fucking tab. Stupid really.’
        ‘I’ve got the money, Nick, I just need to get it . . .’
       Nick held up his hand again, this time gesturing slightly to the big lump of meat behind him, who strode forwards.
        ‘Shug, wait . . .’ said Connor as the big guy punched him square in the face, making his head crack off the tiled wall again.
        ‘Jesus fucking Christ,’ said Connor, holding his nose. Blood seeped through his fingers.
        ‘Hold your head back,’ said the big guy in a friendly voice, handing Connor a tissue. ‘And pinch the bridge of the nose, that helps stop the bleeding.’
        ‘Listen to Shug, he knows what he’s talking about.’
        ‘Fucking cheers,’ said Connor through his hands, but tilting his head back nevertheless.
        ‘Now,’ said Nick. ‘What are we going to do about this debt?’
       Connor kept quiet. Pain throbbed back and forth across his face and his forehead as he dabbed at his nose and lip with the tissue.

Nick’s solution is simple. He knows about the band’s tour and insists Connor take four packages with him that he is instructed to exchange for four other packages: drugs for money and money for drugs Connor assumes. Failure to comply is not an option nor is failure to execute the drops as planned (and we all know right from the off that’s not going to go as planned). As the tour gets under way Connor becomes increasingly paranoid. He’s convinced he’s being watched from the shadows. The thing is, he is. Is it the cops or perhaps a guardian angel? Or something else entirely?

Glasgow rainThe tour takes them from Edinburgh through South Queensferry, St Andrews, Dundee, Arbroath, Aberdeen, Inverness, Thurso, Durness, Ullapool, Kyle of Lochalsh, Fort William, Corrour (not actually part of the tour but another nod to Trainspotting) and culminates in Glasgow:

Of course, it would be raining by the time they got to Glasgow. It always rained in Glasgow, as if that blighted city had invented the stuff.

The adjectives used to describe any one of these stops are pretty much interchangeable: “grey”, “dingy”, “miserable”, “ugly”, “crumbling”… Here, for example, is how he describes Thurso:

Within two minutes they’d driven round the centre, a small grid of houses in mushy brown and splashy grey with shop fronts poking out on the ground floor, and a tiny pedestrian precinct that looked straight out of an Edinburgh housing scheme.

The band are well and truly out of their comfort zone but they soldier on. Few of the gigs could be described as successes. A number end in punch-ups.

The book when it first came out in 2008 (it’s just been rereleased as an ebook) was well received. Ian Rankin called it, “A powerful and moving commentary on the country and its defining myths,” although I’m not sure that I’d call Connor a “visionary” as did Niall Griffiths. I tend to agree more with the Amazon reviewer who said:

My main gripe though is with the main character who I've heard described in other reviews as [e]nigmatic, talented, out-spoken, a visionary. Well, I don't know about that but he came across to me as just a bit of a git who in the main and on most occasions just had me thinking `what are you doing that for?' So hat's off to the author for moving me to feel so strongly about the guy. All I can say is – He gets punched a lot and I can see why.

I do think his star rating—he awards the book a measly two stars—is harsh although he’s not the only one to criticise the editing and the slow start. The real question for me was: How was Doug going to handle the climax? Was Connor going to “redeem” himself in the fashion of David Bowie, was he going to hurtle off the stage at the end and go out in a blaze of glory or was he going to fade into obscurity choking on his own vomit? I’m not going to say.

“I’m the biggest fuck-up you’re ever likely to meet. I’m a complete arsehole, a selfish wanker, a pretentious dickhead. Just ask the rest of the band if you don’t believe me.” Connor is not far wrong there and yet there is a decent guy at the heart of this pain in the arse. I found him hard to relate to but not hard to root for.

This is a far more talky book than one might have expected. It’s not without action but it really is more of a meditation—albeit something of a foulmouthed one. In a comment to the review on Vulpes Libres Doug writes:

Safe to say, reaction to Connor has been mixed, but I was trying to prove you could spend 300 pages with someone who you wouldn’t necessarily want to share a pint with. Whether I succeeded or not is down to the reader I guess.

The national identity wasn’t a “red herring” … it was the main theme of the book, kind of. I wanted to try and tie in Connor’s search for meaning in his own pampered life with his and his country’s search for a meaningful identity. The juxtaposition of rural Scotland and rock ‘n’ roll was another thing I wanted to explore … I was trying to tie in the myth of national identity with the myth of rock ‘n’ roll, both empty promises. Ultimately, of course, Connor doesn’t find a home, or meaning, or anything, really, which was kind of the point.

I, for my part, liked the book a lot. It was literary, intelligent and appealed to my sense of humour. It may not be his best novel—“the recently published Smokeheads is a real step forward in terms of style and voice” according to Dear Scotland—but just as its flawed protagonist is hard to dislike I also found myself willing to be more forgiving of his creator than maybe he deserved. The only way you’ll know is to find yourself a copy and make your own mind up.

You can read the first chapter here.

***

doug johnstoneHere’s the bio from his website:

Doug Johnstone is a writer, musician and journalist based in Edinburgh. His fourth novel, Hit & Run, was published by Faber and Faber on March 15th 2012 and was recently an Amazon #1 Bestseller. His previous novel, Smokeheads, was published in March 2011, also by Faber, and has been nominated for the Crimefest Last Laugh Award. Before that he published two novels with Penguin, Tombstoning (2006) and The Ossians (2008), which received praise from the likes of Irvine Welsh, Ian Rankin and Christopher Brookmyre.

Doug was writer in residence at the University of Strathclyde 2010-2012 and before that worked as a lecturer in creative writing there. He’s had short stories appear in various publications, and since 1999 he has worked as a freelance arts journalist, primarily covering music and literature.

He is a singer, musician and songwriter in several bands, including Northern Alliance, part of the Fence Collective. Northern Alliance have released four albums to critical acclaim, as well as recording an album as a fictional band called The Ossians. Doug also plays drums in Achilles and released his debut solo EP, Keep It Afloat, in 2011.

Doug has a degree in physics, a PhD in nuclear physics and a diploma in journalism, and worked for four years designing airborne radars and missile guidance systems.

He grew up in Arbroath and lives in Portobello, Edinburgh with his wife and two children. He loves drinking malt whisky and playing football, not necessarily at the same time.

You can hear some of the songs referenced in the book here.

What's a 5-star review worth?

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5starsSo what is a 5-star review worth these days? About five bucks it seems but I’ll come back to that.

Have you ever noticed that as soon as someone comes up with a good idea someone else will be looking for a way to spoil it or if not exactly spoil it then exploit the hell out of it? Someone came up with a way to produce cheap energy so what did they do? They made a bomb out of it and dropped it on Japan.

I’m big on meaning. I fret about word usage. One of the early readers of my first novel complimented me on my choice. He said I used exactly the right word for the job in each case. That pleased me. I never actually found out what he thought about the whole book because I left before he’d finished it but I’ve always imagined it would have been a decent review, maybe 4-stars. My first novel has in fact received 5-star reviews but I gave it 4 stars myself when I posted my ‘review’ on Goodreads because I thought that’s what it deserved; I’ve written better since and were I to give that book 5 stars when what would I give the others? There’s no 6-star review. Well, in most places there’s not.

I gave my last novel, Milligan and Murphy 5 stars because I felt I had achieved everything I set out to do. It was perfect. A lot of people think that’s not possible. You do your best and try and quit before you revise it to the point of ruin. But that’s not how I feel about that book. None of the reviews I’ve collated on my website give it any stars. They’re all glowing reviews but no stars, not a one. A lot of bloggers don’t give any stars. I don’t. I do look at star ratings when others allocate them but I really don’t pay too much attention to them. What that person says about the book in their review is what helps me decide if I want to read it. But, that said, star ratings are here to stay. Restaurants have stars, hotel, generals, banks, sheriffs, football stadia. Oddly enough film stars don’t unless the pecking order is: starlet, star, superstar and megastar.

It’s all about trying to say as much as possible in as small a space as possible. Time is valuable. All we want are the bullet points summarised and distilled down to shiny gold stars. So if a book or a film or a CD gets nothing but 5-star reviews then it has to be the bomb? Not so. Why? Because we live in a rotten world where good ideas blow up in our faces.

Although there’s plenty of criticism that can get levied at Amazon there is a lot good about it. Look up a book or a DVD or a CD there and, if it’s by someone who is even remotely well known and you’ll have dozens, even hundreds of reviews and it’s rare to find anyone who’s had more than a handful of reviews that all nothing but straight 5’s. Because, people being people, there’s invariably someone who doesn’t like something about it or is just a bit on the stingy side when it comes to doling out those five stars.

I’ve learned a few new terms recently: shill reviewing, Amazonbombing, sock puppetry and astroturfing. Whenever a system comes into effect there will be people who want to play that system, to make it work in ways it was not intended to. There is nothing essentially wrong with the way Amazon reviews work. You don’t even have to have bought the book from them to review it which is the case with Smashwords and that’s good because it means that people who have received free review copies can post their reviews there and the more the merrier. Yeah, right.

Shill reviewing

Shill has been in use for a long time, in the sense of a conman's accomplice. In the real world you might see one in the audience at an auction. It’s the shill's job to make the first bid and get the crowd stirred up. Online this works in two ways: the proud-mumfirst is where an employer gets his employees to post positive reviews for something they produce, or, alternatively, to post negative reviews on a competitor’s site or product page. They pretend to have no association with a product or service but obviously do. So, if your Mum posts a glowing review of your debut poetry collection is that shill reviewing? In principle, yes, unless she heads the review ‘Proud Mum’ or something like that. Friends too could be accused of this but a lot of my reviews have been by people who I am friendly with—that’s the nature of life online; we make friends—but if their reviews are honest and objective then there’s nothing wrong there. If, however, you emailed all you uncles and aunts and cousins and nephews and nieces and asked them, knowing nothing about your book and never having even read one of your poems, to log on and praise the hell out of you then that’s really not on.

Amazonbombing

I’ve seen this defined to two very different ways:

I

This is not tactical reviewing. This is tactical buying. On 1st November 2006 the publisher Harry N. Abrams released a book called Worldchanging: A User's Guide for the 21st Century. On the book’s website they then did an odd thing. They said to their potential customers:

On November first, at eleven minutes after eleven a.m. (Pacific time), please go to Amazon and buy the book.

Now you would have thought they would have simply been happy to get the sales, after all this was a 600-page hardback book but, no; there was method in their madness. In the accompanying article entitled Help Us Hack the Publishing System! they explained:

Here's how the system actually works: you write a book. Unless your publisher spends large sums of money on marketing and promotions to convince booksellers that you will be a blockbuster, your book remains obscure, often quickly sinking out of view, and few people have a chance to see it, let alone encounter the ideas it contains.

These days, in other words, publishing is like the film industry (with its obsession about opening weekend ticket sales) or the music industry (with its focus on making hits). Big is everything. Big gets you into stores. Big gets you media coverage. Big gets enough people talking about your book that the ideas in them (if there are any) have a chance to spread. The Long Tail may keep your book in print, but it won't get your ideas into the mix.

[…]

The Amazon list is hugely influential, indeed it's one of the main ways booksellers and media determine what books are "moving" and thus which books they should pay attention to. It's not the New York Times bestseller list, but it's the next best thing.

And Amazon, you see, ranks books based on their sales over the previous 24 hours. This means that it is possible, through coordinated action, to hack the system by getting a large number of people to buy the book at the same time.

worldchanging_a_users_guideIs this cheating or simply taking advantage of a loophole in the system? It’s still happening. I have no idea if this was the first but I’ve seen others, especially self-published authors, asking their readers to do much the same. You work with what you’ve got.

Interestingly Worldchanging: A User's Guide for the 21st Century has now garnered 55 reviews on Amazon: 5-star (32), 4-star (10), 3-star (4), 2-star (1) and 1-star (8). Maybe they should have asked all the people who bought the book to post 5-star reviews at the same time.

II

In her article Cyberbullies’ Amazon-bombing hurts us allDr. Carole Lieberman defines Amazonbombing this way:

It’s the new and virulent cyberbullying that occurs when “gangs” of vengeful marauders target an author by posting a barrage of scathing reviews, despite not having read the book.

I had not heard of this before with regards to Amazon but I had heard of something similar happening on Goodreads so this was no surprise. In this case it was Lieberman herself who was the subject of the attack:

I had never heard of it until now, when the five-star reviews for my latest book, Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them and How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets, were eclipsed by more than 100 one-star vicious reviews overnight, literally. Why? Because my recent quotes about violent video games causing desensitization to violence and increased aggression hit a nerve with the large gaming community, which retaliated by maliciously using this new cyberbullying tool.

Her views are contentious, yes, but was Amazon the right place for these people to vent? Clearly not. That said, when I last checked there were still 135 1-star reviews there.

Sock puppetry

In an article entitled The Hand That Controls the Sock Puppet Could Get SlappedThe New York Times defined sock puppetry (or ‘socking’) as “The act of creating a fake online identity to praise, defend or create the illusion of support for one's self, allies or company”. According to Wikipedia sock puppetry can take on several different forms:

  • Creating new accounts to avoid detection
  • Using another person's account (piggybacking)
  • Logging out to make problematic edits as an IP address
  • Reviving old unused accounts (sometimes referred to as sleepers) and presenting them as different users
  • Persuading friends or acquaintances to create accounts for the purpose of supporting one side of a dispute (usually called meatpuppetry)

sock-puppetAlthough there are some legitimate uses for alternative accounts—e.g. contributors using their real names may wish to use a pseudonymous account for contributions with which they do not want their real name to be associated—where the intent is to create a false impression, either positive or negative, then this is a no-no. Their article Signs of sock puppetry is especially interesting because it first addresses the reasons why people would resort to this technique. And it’s like any crime; there are occasionally extenuating circumstances. But it still doesn’t make it right.

A perfect example of sock puppetry is the book Hacker Hunter by Christopher Keenan which, at the time of writing, now has seven 1-star reviews. That was not always the case. The first review, P A Berg, says it all:

In all my years as a customer at Amazon, I have never ever returned an item—not a physical item, not a book, not anything. There is a first time for everything.

Let me start by saying that I am absolutely positive that the vast majority of the 284 (current) reviews for this book are planted. First of all, I have never seen 284 reviews that are almost all 5 star, with not one single 1-star review (mine is the first). Second, look at the names of the reviewers—extremely generic first and last names. Whereas, many "real" Amazon reviewers do not use their real names, but some variation or their name or a completely made up alias. Amazon needs to look into this issue and address it.

Clearly Amazon sorted him out. The interchange on the Amazon forum is entertaining too if you have the time.

Astroturfing:

I’ve also seen this one used in two different ways:

I

This has nothing to do with books but I thought I’d mention it anyway in passing. Wikipedia defines it as “Formal political, advertising, or public relations campaigns seeking to create the impression of being spontaneous "grassroots" behaviour.” In the UK this technique is better known as "rent-a-crowd." Essentially though it’s nothing more that propaganda. And if the (upright) politicians are doing it you can bet anyone else who can afford to do so is too.

Whatever happened to a fair fight?

II

This is from The Verge:

VIP Deals, an Amazon merchant, has been caught offering customers a refund in exchange for five-star reviews. A report in The New York Times yesterday detailed how customers that purchased a $9.99 (reduced from $59.99) leather case for the Kindle Fire received a letter with their case. The letter offered to refund the cost of the order in return for the customer writing a review. The merchant also dropped a subtle hint on which score was expected, stating "we strive to earn 100 percent perfect 'FIVE-STAR' scores from you!" The ploy seemed to be effective, with 310 out of 335 reviews rating the product 5 stars.

You can read a full article about it in The New York Times.

The Verge calls this practice astroturfing later in the article but I’m not sure they were using the term correctly. It does, however, bring us onto the subject of paid reviews. Try typing ‘amazon book review’ into fiverr.com or just click on this link. The one I liked was I will write my own or submit your review and give 4 or 5 stars and of course like it, tag it and upvote... for $5 That’ll confuse the buggers—chuck in a few 4-star reviews. This is what the user around86 offers.

It is of great importance to have good reviews to boost your books sales so that you can gain more revenue. The most important thing is that the review is graded according to your book quality. For 5$ I will like your book, tag it (create new tags if necessary), and write my own review or submit yours (if I agree with the review you wrote). Before submitting my review I will show it to you so that you can review it ;)

Since I had to tidy up her punctuation I’m not sure I’d rush to use her. Her photo’s nice. She looks pretty. You can trust pretty people. Right? Or what about kapsco1?

I will review Your Amazon Kindle Book The Correct Way for $5

One Or More Of Our 25 Kapsco Book Reviewers will BUY your kindle book for up to 9 or DOWNLOAD it when you have it in the KDP Select Promo For Free – And give you a unique book review with these added features – Create a 5 Star review using direct references to the book, Add up to 5 tags of your choice, Amazon Like the book. If your book costs more THAN 99 CENTS – Use Our Add On Gig

The “correct way,” eh? That must be kosher.

But putting all the fiddlers and swindlers aside for the moment, let’s ask: Can you trust any reviews?

What do you think the average star rating is online? Apparently it’s 4.3 out of 5. This article, On the Internet, Everyone's a Critic But They're Not Very Critical, gives a whole pile of other stats. In the article Elizabeth Chiang makes the important point:

Being more negative is something that comes with practice, says Elizabeth Chiang, a 26-year-old financial consultant, who posts a lot of local business reviews on Yelp. When she began writing them in 2006 she was easily impressed by the wide variety of bars and restaurants in New York. "I thought everything was awesome," she says.

But after reflecting upon her reviews, she realized recently "it's kind of meaningless if every one is great." Now Ms. Chiang writes a review only after trying a restaurant at least twice, and has lowered her average to a 3.6, on about 250 write-ups. In a recent review, she said that one cocktail tasted like "listless, ennui-crippled sugar water."

I think this is true of all of us though. We have just finished a book, have enjoyed it and so go online and give it 5 stars. And then never look at the book again until we’re packing in a cardboard box to go be taken down to the charity shop.

At best reviewing is a flawed art. I am flawed individual but I do my best with what I’ve got to play with. I do take reviewing seriously, though, which is why I write such long ones because I do try to be fair to everyone. That said I’ve never panned anyone yet. I wouldn’t. If a book was that bad I would simply not review it. I’m sure it’s a confidence thing with me. I use the passive voice way too much.

JaniceThere are those who suggest that the critic is a dying breed. Perhaps a certain species of critic is—the ones who like to hear the sounds of their own voices—but I think there are plenty willing and able to take up the slack. In her article How to Write Good Book Reviews When Publishers Toss You Their Worst Janice Harayda gives some good commonsense advice for writing reviews. If I was to offer a single piece of advice it would be this (it’s essentially her #5 and #6): Write in your own voice because as soon as you put on an affected I-know-what-I’m-talking-about tone, for me at least, you’ve just lost a huge chunk of your credibility and you can be damn sure that someone who really knows what they’re talking about will come along and put you in your place.

Let me leave you with a quote from Ruth Franklin who was awarded the 2012 Roger Shattuck Prize in literary criticism. This is from the talk she gave:

Book critics and novelists are separate species who nonetheless need each other for their own mutual benefit. It’s obvious why the reviewer needs the novelist—not just any novelist, but a good novelist, even a great one, to challenge us to rise to his or her level. But the novelist also needs the reviewer: not just as a vehicle for advertisement, but as an enforcer of standards. If we speak only to praise—and my children can vouch that I’ve never been guilty of that—then praise itself becomes cheapened, and ultimately meaningless. Not all books are worth reading; some are dull, some are poorly written, and others can actually have a pernicious effect on our culture. It’s the task of the critic to champion books that deserve to be championed, and to take a stand against those that have the power to harm. And anyone who doesn’t believe that books have the power to harm is not taking them seriously enough.

Fourteen Threadless Needles – an introduction to the poetry of Vito Pasquale

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14 Threadless Needles

A journey of a thousand miles often starts with you barking up the wrong tree. . . – Koe Whitton Williams, November 20, 1955

All poems cause side effects – ‘Always Read the Label Before You Read the Poems’, – Vito Pasquale




If love at first sight exists it seems perfectly reasonable to me that friendship at first sight should too. Thinking about my friends throughout the years I usually couldn’t tell you when we became friends; they were suddenly a part of my life and I struggled to remember what my life was like before I knew them. This works much the same online as it does off. Kindred spirits are drawn together. I couldn't tell you when or how I became friends with Vito Pasquale. I’ll have stumbled on his blog or he’ll have left a comment on mine—that’s the way it goes—and the next thing we were friends. We exchanged e-mails. We talked on the phone. We collaborated. So there is no way I can objectively review his poetry collection Fourteen Threadless Needles since my wife and I were both involved from early on in its development. What I can talk about is why this guy’s stuff works for me.

At first I didn’t even know he was called Vito Pasquale. He wrote under the pseudonym Koe Whitton Williams of all things and it was only when an order came in for my second novel under the name Victor Pasquale that he fessed up. It’s not a big deal. Many online these days like to compartmentalise their lives and Vito is not the first I’ve become friendly with whose real name I didn’t know; names are only labels anyway. He started blogging on July 18th 2008, a year after me. His site was called the half-life of linoleum and the first quote that introduces this article was his first post. Many of his early posts read like aphorisms:

Two Kinds of Facts

Koe. . . there's but one kind of lie but two kinds of facts—those that are true and those that are too true.

The Seven Words You Can Never Say in Heaven

Koe: Jesus Christ, what are you doing here?

but it wasn’t long before his first ‘Jilly Nines’ appeared:

At Church with Jilly Nines

Dad (whispering) —"Jilly, you're making a noise when you breathe, it's a little too loud honey."
Jilly—"Does everyone in heaven hear me?"
Dad—"Yes."
J—"Does Grandpa Eric hear me?"
D—"Yes."
J—"Does Grandpa Eric breathe loud too?"
D—"In heaven you don’t really need to breathe, I think."
J— “What do I breathe?”
D—"Air. We breathe air."
J—"Where is it?"
D—"Everywhere."
J—"Where?
D—"All around us."
J—"Is it touching me?"
D—(uh oh)
J—"IS IT touching me?"
D—"It’s everywhere, well not underwater or on the moon."
J—"Is it touching me now?"
D—"Yes."
J—"SHOW ME THE AIR! NOW!"

What is immediately apparent even from these three early examples is that Vito has a way of looking at the world. Jilly's innocence was the perfect foil. She appears again and again, sometimes in dialogues like this, sometimes in narratives:

Everyone at my job is “Bill,” “Bob,” “Ruth,” “Sarah,” “Lester,” “Asshole Trevor,” or “etc.” What I mean is everyone is on a “first name” or “epithet and first name basis.” At school, it turns out that everyone is: Mrs. Greenhild, Mr. Ingram, Mrs. Lipton-Soupmix. I cannot handle this. I have to get on a first name basis with these people in a hurry or I’ll be as afraid to address them as I am to order a double-mocha-cino-mora-java-llada-roma at Starbucks. It’s intimidating. I just want to be able to say to Jilly’s teacher, “So, Julie are we having fun learning?” or “Jules, are we up to speed on the shape shifting thing yet?” (I do plan to refer to Jilly as “we” in school as I am prepared to take 100% responsibility for everything related to "our" schooling because there is no way she is getting away with the stuff that I got away with.)

from ‘First Contact’

A collection of ‘Jilly Nines’ pieces is in the works, tentatively entitled Tasting Ants.

Tasting Ants

“Daddy.”
“Yes, Jilly?”
“Hannah did a bad thing at school.”
“What was that honey?”
“She deaded something.”
“Oh dear.”
“She was tasting ants for recess, and she deaded one by accident.”
“Tasting ants?”
“Yes. On a spoon.”
“Was anyone, a teacher, watching her?”
“Miss Maya-Sara.”
“Did she see her tasting the ants?”
“She only saw Hannah dead the ant. The daddy ant.”
“How did you know it was the daddy?”
“It was the slowest runner.”
“What did Miss Maya-Sara do?”
“She took away the spoon Hannah found.”
“Did she say something?
“She was talking to Robert, who wanted to walk up the slide and climb down the ladder.”
“Oh.”
“That’s wrong. Am I right?”
“What honey?”
“Walking up the slide.”
“Yes. It’s probably dangerous.”
ants“. . .”
“Jilly?”
“Yes daddy.”
“Did you taste the ants?”
“No. I did not have a spoon.”

Most of Vito’s early pieces were prose or at least prosaic—his early published works were all short stories (in the eighties he was published in the likes of Scholastic's Co-Ed magazine and the Sunday New York Times Westchester Weekly)—but it was pretty obvious, even from the start, that there was a poet a-hiding in there.

The first ‘poem’ arrived a few months later, on September 30th:

Four Score and Seven Therapists Ago

My first acting role, I am reluctant to
Admit, was in a Geek-sploitation film.
I had a speaking part in a
Geek crowd scene.

My line: “Look out Isaac Newton,
We’re on a rampage.”

The director was a very verbose
Woman in her thirties and
At the time that seemed quite
Old, sophisticated, improbable.

I had trouble delivering my line
To her liking. I had trouble
Taking direction, which is why
I had no other prospects other

Than acting. She said, “Do I have to
Spell it out for you?” And my mind
Was thinking “I T O U T F O R Y
O U” and my lips must have been moving

At the same time because she
Smacked me on the face. Which
ringHelped with my delivery
But is also why in my

First role I have a scratch
Running across my cheek
From the claddagh ring that
Her boyfriend gave her.

Your fifties is late to start writing poetry but there’s no such a thing as too late—my wife started at forty-eight (“seriously” she adds)—and Wikipedia has a whole article on late bloomers but this is what Vito had to say on the subject:

Working on such a compact scale (most of my poems are short) lets me, any writer, work towards finding the few dozen words or so that can explode off the page.  A poem is like a dive off a high cliff.  I think if I had found poetry twenty years earlier, I would never have stopped writing [for many years he had a very demanding job] but perhaps that isn't true. Perhaps I just was not prepared to write twenty years ago. 

Okay I put ‘poem’ in inverted commas. That’s not because I don’t think this is a poem but because, firstly, I think there will be those out there who don’t, but, secondly, and more importantly, I’m not so sure Vito would worry that much and I’m with him there. I personally don’t think it matters. Labels give us an excuse to judge: Yes, it’s poemy but it’s not really that poemy. Do you think it’s poemy? Yes? No? How does one tell? Anyway I put this to him:

Jim: Like me a lot of your poetry could well be classified as antipoetry (as exemplified by Nicanor Parra, i.e. “prose-like, irreverent, and Abbie_hoffman_steal_this_bookilluminating the problems of human existence”). Is that a fair comment? Does it matter to you?

Vito:It is a fair comment.  "Prose-like, irreverent, and illuminating problems of human existence" is a mantle I am more than comfortable wearing. Two years ago I wrote a poem with one of Parra's lines in it. His line was: "Nobody reads poetry nowadays," from the poem ‘Stop Racking Your Brains’. My Poem was called ‘Steal This Poem’ (which I borrowed, more or less, from Abbie Hoffman'sSteal this Book):

Steal This Poem

My new friend Martin told
this story during a break at
our creative writing group:

"I told my wife, I was
hoping someone would
steal a poem from
me tonight. The market
seems right, the stimulus
package not working,
people ostensibly quicker
to cast ethics overboard,
widespread looting."

"She said, 'Nobody reads poetry
nowadays, even realpoets*
know that.'"

"But," I told her, "I find that
I don't care if they read them
as long as they steal them."

"'Because?' she asked."

"Because anything worth
stealing today,
might
someday
be
worth
buying."

The antipoetry tag matters to me in that I think it an incredible compliment for a person to consider another's work long enough to enjoy it and to think about where it might fit.  So, I thank you.  And, I think you have it right. I suppose I could make a long list of the things I don't consider when I write and it would probably be a fairly good fit with the list of things one should consider when writing a poem.

Parra was not the first writer that jumped to mind when I read Vito’s stuff. It was actually Richard Brautigan. Not his prose so much as his poetry:

richard_brautiganJim: I see a touch of Brautigan in your writing. How do you feel about that? Come to think of that how do you feel about Brautigan?

Vito: I am thrilled that you see a connection.  I attended summer classes in English one year while in high school and had what would prove to be the best teacher of my life.  I will never forget what we read over those six weeks:  J. B. by Archibald MacLeish, Waiting for Godot, The Chosen by Chaim Potok and The Abortion: An Historical Romance by Richard Brautigan. All had a great influence on me, although it's only Beckett and Brautigan that I have continued to read over the years.  I wrote the poem ‘The New Calendar’ with Brautigan's calendar in Trout Fishing in America in mind. He writes: "I like best tomorrow: the black, soundless watermelon days."  The poem, ‘Behind the Scenes at the Penance Factory,’ is my attempt to have Robert Frost meet Richard Brautigan.  I can only hope that I succeeded in that. 

The New Calendar

Monday: No more than one per month. Will
usually follow a Friday.

Tuesday: Every fourth day will be a Tuesday.

Wednesday: Will follow every other Tuesday
and precede every third Thursday.

Thursday: Every fifth day will be a Thursday,
unless it's a Tuesday.

Friday: The year will start and end on a Friday.
The ninth day of every month will be a
Friday, even if it's a Tuesday.

Saturday: The last time we talked was on
a Saturday. The sky was filled with lightning
and misconceptions, the dogwoods
had gradually gone red and I thought
I'd finally been born. Your eyes were
gleaming. I would have followed
your tears to the bottom of the ocean
but you didn't cry. I did.

Sunday: Every day that isn't some other day is
      a Sunday.
It can also follow Saturday, if ever there is another.

Jim: And your other literary heroes?

Vito: A friend gave me Another Roadside Attraction by Tom Robbins in 1975 and I've read almost every word he's written since. I think everything I write is partly informed by Monty Python's Flying Circus and by the composer Steve Reich, attempts to bring together wit, minimalism and repetition.  I think of ‘The Poem of the Seven Veils’ as something I'd look to have Graham Chapman read

Poem of the Seven Veils

Veil
Veil
Veil
Veil
Veil
Veil
Veil
Veil [1]



[1] The story of my life: eight veils.

and ‘I'll be Jack if You'll be Jill (and if neither of us actually has to break anything)’ as a homage to Steve Reich, with the repeating line, “too many times”.  I also should mention Robert Frost because he was the poet that was most often taught to us in school and I frequently find myself in awe of a line of his that I wasn't even aware of a day earlier. He sneaks up on me now and again.  There are others: Kay Ryan, Galway Kinnell, Joseph Heller, Donald Barthelme...

Jim: Most of your poetry is slight. In an e-mail to me you once said, “I've always been interested in how little of a 'thing' is still the 'thing.'  And when you take enough away—when does the thing become something else?” Care to expand on this?

Vito: This has to do with how I attempt to create (and not bore people with providing too much context, which can be one of my tendencies). One of my favourite paintings is Malevich'sWhite on White.  I feel that there is an intense beauty in taking almost everything away, such that what is left is the most concentrated form of the original idea. Fourteen Threadless Needles is about relationships and the passage of time. Early in the book, in ‘A Poem for You’, the 'writer' maintains, rather conventionally, “it's a poem, it has to have words. . . ” and the subject of the poem responds, “Not in my book.”  The writer is off the hook, no longer needing words. It's a breakthrough, if you will, in our relationships, no longer needing words.

I once wrote a poem which perhaps only works online. The text is as follows:

Is this white type on a white background, or is it something else?

johncageI think it works well because it is either nothing, or, if the reader regards the blank space in something other than a passive way, she or he is rewarded for participating in the work. It needs the reader to take action to complete. In this case I took away all the words in order to give the reader something else.

If I were to take away all of the notes in a piece of music, we'd have 4' 33" of silence; when John Cage did it, it was much more than silence.  That's perhaps my goal, to have my silences or wordlessness or the blank page be as meaningful as my sounds or words or images.

Jim: That strikes me as a very Beckettian thing to say. He said once:

Most writers waste people’s time with too many words. I’m trying to reduce everything down to the minimum. My last work will be a blank piece of paper.

Vito: Exactly. If I'd had a different career it might have been as an archaeologist, stripping away the layers of time to find, what no one, including myself, knew was there.

After a while of posting just text Vito began to upload photos and gradually the images started to overshadow his writing (at least that’s how it felt online) but appearances can be deceptive as we have seen; because something is not online doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. He has still been writing, simply not posting. In fact he removed almost all his poems and I’ll come back to that in a minute. But I thought first of all I’d address his growing interest in photography:

Jim: I wrote recently:

Poems are flat.
Poetry’s not.

What are your thoughts? Photos are also flat. If poems are an attempt to capture poetry then what are photos capturing?

Vito: Photos attempt to capture certainty.

I interpret what you've written as: Poetry's the sum of all poems and poetic ideas; poems written and not yet written and never to be written. Poetry's perfect. Poems are not. Poems contain wonder because of the human attempt to attain perfection, to complete the eternally incomplete "Poetry." And we can appreciate poems for both the attempts at perfection as well as their inherent imperfections, their almost imperceptible graininess trying to displace all that flatness.

Of course, I might have that all wrong, but If I were to think analogously to what you've written, I might say Photographs are flat, Photography's not. I think the world is flooded with, and our lives overflow with, uncertainty. Who knows what one is going to 'get' when one begins a work of art or a photograph or a poem for that matter?  Who knows what one is going to 'get' on any given day? 

Photography then, by my imperfect analogy, is perfect.  It is a visual recording of every moment, everywhere, at every scale, at every angle, with every nuance, in all contexts.  And I think all that a photograph attempts to do is to capture certainty in one little moment and place and we can appreciate photos for both the attempts at perfection as well as the inherent imperfections, their unfortunately perceptible graininess trying to displace all that uncertainty.

Jim: You’ve started incorporating words into your most recent photomontages. What are you aiming at with this blurring the boundaries between writing and art?

Vito: Readers are impatient, especially online. Some people read four words and are gone. It's challenging to get someone's attention in four words (although we try and. . . fail, sometimes). 

I think the same person in an art gallery tends to be more patient, if for no other reason than she or he has invested some time to get there and it takes time just to move your body through the space.  ‘Your Cart is Empty’ (one of the photo montages) means one thing if you're blazing through Amazon but it means something entirely different (I think) on the wall of a gallery, with an image of a child's handful of little yellowed, yellow flowers on a sepia-coloured, old-looking wedding invitation, mottled paper background.  Think about it, "Your cart is empty."  E.M.P.T.Y. There is nothing in it. Not a thing. You have nothing in your cart, it's white on white. You are now invited to observe that "Your cart is empty."  How can you stand it?  "Your cart is empty."

clip_image002

Also, people who go to galleries tend to be with someone else and in that setting people are more likely to say to each other. . . something:  "What do you suppose that means?" or "I like those yellowed yellow flowers," or "What cart?" or "This does nothing for me." All of which are incredibly interesting to me. So, I guess this blurring of boundaries is mostly about how readers and viewers will interact with the work, the images and words, an attempt of mine to get into a different venue. Even if the venue is still online, I like the idea that one can hide words in images and can make juxtapositions that are perhaps more poignant than just the words, 'your cart is empty,' or just a photograph of yellowed yellow flowers. I rarely have favourites in my own work but the image and text of ‘untitled no. 5.28.12’ affects me differently every time I look at it. It's as if someone else did it.

untitled no. 5.28.12

CLICK ON THE IMAGE FOR A CLEARER PHOTO

Jim: So why did you close the half-life of linoleum?

Vito: I'd made a few great friends from writing and posting photos and concept pieces on ‘the half-life of linoleum’ and part of me is sorry that I closed it but I was just done with it. The reason I started to delete posts was that some were designed to be somewhat ephemeral and then I got carried away. It's not true of course that anything put on the internet ever truly 100% disappears but now, the old work mostly exists in the google readers of those who followed the blog. When I think about it, it's kind of a neat place to 'exist.' Only in memory.

There is an article on the Poetry Foundation website about William Bronk. You can read the whole article here but this quote made me think of Vito:

I don’t remember a single individual Bronk poem, and I don’t know if they’re actually memorable; anyhow, they don’t matter to me in that way. For me they’re like the small brown bottle my grandmother carried in her purse and sniffed for the pick-me-up jolt.

This is very much how I feel about Vito’s poetry. No, I couldn't rattle one off now to save my life but that said I doubt I could recite one of my own poems and get it word perfect. There is memorable and there is memorable. Old poems with regular rhythms and strong rhymes are so much easier to commit to memory than modern free verse. I don’t think that it’s a fair comparison.

In an interview on Paula Cary’s site the poet Angela Veronica Wong wrote this:

When I organize a manuscript of poems, I look to create a narrative arc through the collection—of course I want each poem to stand alone, but I also want there to be a conversation that the poems are having with each other. I am interested in how each poem is changed or affected by the other poems that are included in the book.

This was the problem that faced Carrie, Vito and myself when we started looking at the poems he had kludged together to form a collection which, at the time, he was going to call Behind the Scenes at the Penance Factory. There was no apparent order to them but to my mind the only natural order that poems have is the order in which they were written. I pick up my big red folder and that’s as close to an autobiography as I’m ever going to write. Vito’s poems came without dates although that’s really neither here nor there as memory isn’t linear. But as I pawed through the sheets it was obvious to me that there was an underlying narrative beginning in 1969. Did you notice the asterisk in the poem ‘Steal this Poem’? It designates a neologism. There are more in the opening to ‘Over Near the Dictionaries 2’:

We wrote our initials in the OED
on page 1969 in honour of the
year, SNH on the left, VJP on
the right. We added some words
we knew to be missing. I added
windowsilliness,* and you,
seductionitis.*

This is where ‘they’ first meet, “in the library” and where their courtship begins. Of course the ‘they’ is a composite ‘they’ comprised of numerous women and the woman the narrator is sitting at a table with in ‘Love’ may not be the girl in the library, the woman whose bed he’s hiding under in ‘Stray Cats’ or the woman suffering from Alzheimer’s in ‘The Persistence of Laundry’. Vito accurately describes the content in the blurb:

Fourteen Threadless Needles is a poetry collection about a lifetime of relationships, the relationship of a lifetime and the awareness that 'Something there is that doesn't love a happy ending.' Poems about love, sharing, laughter, forgetting, second guesses and a poem for you:

A Poem for You

— I want to write a poem for you.
— Um, okay.
— Can you pose for me, sitting in this chair in the sunlight?
— Why?
— I need to be able to see you clearly—to describe you perfectly.
— Should I take off my clothes?
— You don't have to. It wasn't going to be. . .
— What if I want to?
— If you do, I'll never get to the poem.
— That's okay isn't it?
— Well, I kind of had my heart set on writing a poem.
— Can't you change your mind? Your heart?
— Can I do the poem first?
— Only if it's nonabstractly unambiguous about the state of my undress.
— I don't think I have the right words with me. I left them home by accident.
— Then. Don't. Use. Words.
— It's a poem. It has to have words.
— Not in my book.

When Vito was posting regularly I was always delighted to see his blog highlighted in my feedreader and I was never disappointed. Many of his pieces are slight, almost inconsequential but the cumulative effect is what you have to look at. Some authors are better represented by collections than others and I think Vito is one of them.

His photography—the best of his photography (especially the photomontages)—has the same flavour as his poems. They are, in effect, visual poems. Poetry is much bigger than poems. Poems are containers in which we try to capture poetry and I believe the same is true with photographs. Both poems and photos provide us with small, still moments when we are faced with giving meaning to something outwith ourselves. What, for example, does ‘Pink’ mean?

clip_image006

Vito has had a number of exhibitions of his photography and one up and coming:

  • ‘Some Things We Both Might Have Missed', Mount Kisco Public Library, Oct 2012
  • ‘Fourteen Threadless Needles’, The Gallery at Still River Editions – Jan-Mar 2012
  • Hudson Valley Medical Center, Group Show, Sept 2011
  • Ossining Public Library, Group Show, June 2011
  • R. T. S. Gallery, Group Show, April-May 2011
  • ‘A City of (Second) Guesses’, Harrison Public Library, Jan-Feb 2011
  • ‘Mount Kisco in 4.8 seconds’, Mount Kisco Public Library, Jan 2011
  • Greenburgh Public Library in spring 2010

You can buy a book of his photograph here and you can find his poetry collection here in paperback or here as an ebook.

I found, however, that I couldn’t remember how we decided on the title for the collection so I asked Vito to remind me:

I liked the title because Carrie picked it and that was fantastic, that she'd thought about it enough to pick a title.  You told me when she read the book that she laughed out loud once or twice—which thrilled me as well. I had been using Behind the Scenes at the Penance Factory as a working title but I thought it was perhaps too. . . something.  I am still considering the line I came up with to support the title, 'Love is penance for the sin of wanting to be loved.'  Someday, I will write that down. 

Threadless Needles are useless except perhaps for causing pain.  The term 'Threadless,' as I used it, was a criticism that I'd delivered to myself.  A couple of years ago, I was looking back through 'the half-life of linoleum,' to see if I could find a common theme and mostly I could not. . . my work was, to my mind, threadless.

Threadless, perhaps. Pointless, no.

Work available online:

Words

Images

***

VitoVito Pasquale lives in New York State with his wife and two young sons. He worked for Reader’s Digest from 1983 to 2008 and since 2008 he has been serving as operations director for QSP, a division of Time Inc. He spent almost a fortnight trying to think of something else to say about himself and came up blank. I have no idea what that says.

The Fall of the Stone City

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The Fall of the Stone City

The name of the Albanian novelist Ismail Kadare regularly comes up at Nobel Prize time, and he is still a good bet to win it one of these days. . . . He is seemingly incapable of writing a book that fails to be interesting. — The New York Times




I have now read three books by Ismail Kadare. The first was The Ghost Rider; the second, Chronicle in Stone. The Fall of the Stone City is the third and in many ways feels like an amalgam of these two earlier works. The first is, in essence, a detective novel. What makes it different is that the detective is investigating the appearance and actions of a dead man. A mother loses nine of her sons because of a war. She sends three messengers to her daughter who has married and is living in another country but none can get through and then one day someone who says he is Kostandin, one of the dead brothers, arrives on horseback and whisks his sister off to see their mother. On arriving back in their hometown the man drops her off but says he has business at the local church. He is never seen again and, of course, as soon as the girl enters her mother’s house she becomes aware that it couldn’t have been Kostandin since he died three years earlier. Or could it be? Chronicle in Stone focuses on a young boy growing up in Gjirokastër, a city in Albania, the city where Kadare himself grew up. So a kind of bildungsroman set during World War II.

The Fall of the Stone City is also partly set during World War II and really begins where Chronicle in Stone leaves off although the boy does not even have a cameo in this new book which is in three parts: ‘1943’, ‘1944’ and ‘1953’ although in the last few pages we jump ahead as far as 2007. A little bit of history then c/o Wikipedia:

In April 1939, Gjirokastër was occupied by Italy following the Italian invasion of Albania. In December 1940, during the Greco-Italian War, the Greek Army entered the city and stayed for a four month period before capitulating to the Germans in April 1941 and returning the city to Italian command. After the Italy's capitulation in September 1943, the city was taken by German forces, and eventually returned to Albanian control in 1944.

The post-war Communist regime developed the city as an industrial and commercial centre. It was elevated to the status of a museum town, as it was the birthplace of the Communist leader of Albania, Enver Hoxha, who had been born there in 1908.

I mention this because it’s important to realise that Gjirokastër was used to being occupied by foreign forces and had been for centuries. Its residents are therefore quite philosophical about the whole thing. They’re an odd bunch, I have to say, who delight in gossip and rumour mongering. They are also superstitious, old-fashioned and loyal to the traditions of their ancestors to a fault. When Hoxha was in power one of the things he tried to do was squash Albania’s heritage and cultural identity. A hard task indeed. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s jump back to 1943:

In the autumn of 1943 … Italy suddenly capitulated and lost her friend [Germany]. Alliances have been broken throughout history but in this case the prospects for Italy were especially grim. […] Germany’s rage was uncontrollable and German soldiers were ordered to shoot their former allies on the spot as deserters.

[…]

[B]ut what was the status of Albania? Either she had capitulated with Italy or some other interpretation was called for, and the more one tried to explain the situation, the more confused it became.

Sometimes the question was put more simply. Albania had been one of the three component parts of the now fallen empire [along with Ethiopia]. Did this mean that one third of Germany’s fury would fall on her?

The city looks to the Doctors Gurameto for answers. The frustrating thing is that “Big Dr Gurameto and Little Dr Gurameto [are] going about the city as always.” So who were these doctors? University professors? Politicians? Historians? No, just a couple of surgeons. They weren’t even related. Big Dr Gurameto had studied in Germany; Little Dr Gurameto in Italy but there exists no real enmity between the two. They get on with their jobs leaving them with precious little time to take an interest in anything else and yet the locals treat the pair like some kind of socio-political barometer which had really picked its time to malfunction; the Germans are not at the gates to the city but they’re not far off. And then something odd happens:

One morning two unknown aircraft dropped thousands of leaflets over Gjirokastër. They were in two languages, German and Albanian, and provided a full explanation. Germany was not invading, she merely wanted to pass through Albania. She was coming as a friend. Not only did Germany have no quarrel with Albania, in fact she was liberating the country from the hated Italian occupation and restoring Albania’s violated independence.

The city springs into action and starts throwing around opinions about what this all might mean and then someone really tosses a fox into the henhouse when he asks, “All right, so Germany has stated her intentions, but what stand will Albania take?”

They are still squabbling as the German army looms on the horizon each faction offering different predictions and they are still debating matters when “[o]f all these predictions, the worst came true. On the highway at the entrance to the city the German advance party was fired on. It was neither war nor appeasement, just an ambush.”

TanksThe Germans weigh up their options carefully and decide that the appropriate response would be to blow up the city. It is seen as an ignominious end. Tanks appear, move in a black, orderly file along the highway until they reach their firing positions where they commence their bombardment. And then, suddenly and inexplicably, they stop. “One of the inhabitants had apparently waved a white sheet from a rooftop, nobody could tell exactly where.” Whoever it was is never identified but the residents finally agree upon a simple explanation which reassured them that an act of neither cowardice nor treason had taken place:

The September wind had pulled a white curtain out of a window left open when the occupants of the house sought shelter in the cellar and blown it back and forth in front of the eyes of the Germans. […] Destiny itself in the form of the wind had done the necessary job.

Now this is where the book starts to get interesting and should be read with care.

The colonel in charge of the German troops is one Fritz von Schwabe, a man who happened to study with Big Dr Gurameto. He is from all accounts delighted to meet up with his former colleague and, although it takes the good doctor a few moments to recognise the man he used to know behind the scars and the Nazi uniform, the two embrace like old friends. The townsfolk hear the sound of music blaring from Gurameto’s house along with the clicking of champagne glasses and, as is in their nature, they begin to speculate as to what is going on behind those closed doors. Some of the townsfolk presume that Dr. Gurameto has betrayed them—the Nazis have taken eighty of the townsfolk prisoner and are intent on executing them in punishment for the earlier ambush—and yet, much to everyone’s surprise (especially Jakoel the Jew, one of the eighty) the Germans begin to release their prisoners. So is Big Dr Gurameto really a hero?

The day after everyone is grateful even if they are not quite sure to whom they ought to express their gratitude be it friend, foe or Destiny, but after that initial relief passes they find themselves curious about the specifics of that unforgettable mid-September night. What exactly happened?

The music of a gramophone was the first thing that seeped through. Then, slowly, and with great effort, people recalled the nightmare of the hostages. The fact that eighty people had lived through the horror of this experience, minute by minute, should have left no room for speculation or error but the hostages did not all tell the same story. Some did not want to admit that they had been hostages, perhaps fearing that in a second wave of arrests they would be told, “You, sir. This is the second time we’ve arrested you.” Other people who had not been hostages were thirsty for fame. They claimed that they had been present facing the machine guns on the city square and were so persuasive that they were believed more readily than genuine hostages.

This confusion added to the general mystery surrounding the events of the day. Out of force of habit these were called “unforgettable”, although so many deserved to be forgotten. They were recalled to mind one by one but more and more tentatively. What about the partisan ambush at the entrance to the city? God knows what really happened there. There were no eyewitness accounts and there was no physical evidence apart from two black skid marks on the asphalt, where it was thought the German motorcycles had turned back.

[…]

Obviously Gurameto’s famous dinner was the biggest mystery of all. It had started as Big Dr Gurameto’s fairy-tale reunion with his German college friend. But the rest went beyond any fairy tale.

[…]

[P]eople inevitably suggested the influence of some force majeure like the Double Night. It was as if, after lying in wait for a thousand years, this monster had finally descended to enfold forty or more hours in his arms, seizing a whole day like a wolf snatching a sheep, and had vanished again into the infinite depths of time.

Answers are not forthcoming and little by little people get on with life. Stories though are often most reluctant to die. This is where myths arise. There is such a storyteller in the city, a blind man known to all as Blind Vehip, a rhymester who, for a few coins, will produce rhymes to order “to mark occasions of every kind such as birthdays or the awards of decorations, to advertise barbers shops, or announce changes of address and opening hours. […] Occasionally, but very rarely, he would take it into his head to compose a rhyme without a commission, ‘from the heart’, as he put it.”

At the end of April he produced a verse about Big Dr Gurameto, perhaps his grimmest yet.

Gurameto, the mortal sinner
Met the devil one day on the street,
Who told him to host a great dinner
With champagne and good things to eat.

[…]

Two weeks later, Blind Vehip … produced a new version of his rhyme. Now the words made your flesh creep.

What was the doctor’s design,
Asking the corse to dine?

The archaic word “corse” [was one] that old people still used to refer to the dead.

Kadare_Ghost_Rider[4]This, of course, reminded me of the old Albanian story that Kadare based The Ghost Rider on. The blind man has no real explanation. The words came to him; that was all. He had nothing against the doctor. But simply because a man cannot see doesn’t mean he cannot possess insight.

There is a legend or a children’s bedtime story that Kadare includes early in the book.

The tale concerned the master of a house who was bound by a promise to invite a stranger to dinner. [Hospitality is as big a thing with Albanians as it was with the ancient Jews]. He handed the dinner invitation to his son with instructions. The son set out in search of an unknown passer-by but became frightened on the lonely road. Passing the cemetery, he threw the invitation over the wall and ran through the darkness, not knowing that the invitation had fallen on a grave. He returned home and said to his father, “I’ve done what you told me.” At that moment there appeared at the door the dead man with the invitation in his hand. The father and the family shrank back in horror. “You invited me and I’ve come,” said the dead man. “Don’t stare at me like that!”

What could this story have to do with anything, let alone the dream the doctor has where he is operating on himself with his own surgical instruments? All is made clear in the third part of the book. The communists are now in power and both doctors are arrested and interrogated. There is concern about the survival rate of their patients, that they are using their position to assassinate key individuals. It’s a little paranoid but typical of the kind of thing that went on during Hoxha’s time in power. (During Hoxha's time it is believed at least 100,000 were imprisoned for political reasons or for a word uttered; 5,000 were executed.) The thing is, the investigator, Shaqo Mezini, takes a particular interest in the night in 1943 ten years earlier when Big Dr Gurameto reportedly entertained a German colonel who may (or may not) have been a dead man. He even rounds up Blind Vehip and demands an explanation but, of course, he has none. Mezini becomes obsessed with getting the doctor to divulge the truth even though he maintains (and certainly seems) to be already aware of everything that transpired that night right down to minor details of private conversations that only Gurameto and the colonel could possibly have been privy to. The doctor is told that not knowing is making Stalin himself sick and answers are needed urgently to make him well again. Gradually, painfully the blanks are filled in. But have we finally got to the truth? And, if so, is there a deeper truth behind the one in the book itself? That there are allegorical elements is obvious.

While he was writing and still living in Albania there was no way Kadare felt he could be overtly dissident and so he turned to covert means. Writing in The Guardian, Julian Evans quotes Kadare:

“You risked being shot. Not condemned, but shot for a word against the regime. A single word.” […] Instead he revived old forms—parable, myth, fable, folk-tale, legend—packed them with allusion and metaphor, plundered the past. He is not a "contemporary" novelist. To read him is not to follow, as in English fiction, lives spotlit by lifestyle and current affairs, but lives snagged on the greater pendulum of history, of Balkan past and future.

Even though that time is behind him Kadare clearly still relishes the melding of myth and historical fact leaving us with a kind of truth, the kind that some readers will be uncomfortable with because not all the i’s are dotted or the t’s crossed. Most are. But not all.

Writing over at The Modern Novel – a blog, the author (who only appears to be identified by the initials ‘TMN’) talks at length about Kadare’s writing. He has read over twenty of Kadare’s novels including those only available in French at the moment (Kadare writes in Albanian and then the works are translated into French and then from the French into English). In the article TMN has this to say about Kadare’s book:

[D]espite Canongate’s The much anticipated new novel, I doubt if The Fall of the Stone City is much anticipated by all that many people.

I can understand why he might say that. Sadly he’s probably right. I’ve been dropping hints for months since I first heard it was coming out but then I suspect that both he (assuming he’s a he) and I are in the minority. And that is a shame because after an intriguing opening and an admittedly slow middle (which I was helped to appreciate by having first read Chronicle in Stone but which feels slow because we have so much hanging in midair) comes an absolute page-turner of an ending. I kid you not. Interrogations are never fun to read about but they can nevertheless make fascinating reading. The two that jump to my mind are in Nineteen Eighty-Four and David Karp’sOne (a cruelly neglected classic from 1953) but how can we forget the subtle interrogation methods employed by le Carré’sSmiley in the likes of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy?

This is a book that you will most likely want to reread as soon as you’ve finished it. At only 176 pages that’s not going to take you very long. I accept it’s not a book for everyone but it is, nevertheless, as The New York Times may very well say when it gets round to reviewing it, an “interesting” read.

***

KadareIsmail Kadare was born in 1936 in Gjirokastër, in the south of Albania. He studied in Tirana and Moscow, returning to Albania in 1960 after the country broke ties with the Soviet Union. He is known for his novels, although he was first noticed for his poetry collections. He stopped writing poems in the 1960s and focused on short stories until the publication of his first novel, The General of the Dead Army. From 1963 he has been a novelist. In 1996 he became a lifetime member of the Academy of Moral and Political Sciences of France. In 1992, he was awarded the Prix mondial Cino Del Duca; in 2005, he won the inaugural Man Booker International Prize and in 2009 the Prince of Asturias Award of Arts. He has divided his time between Albania and France since 1990. He began writing very young, in the mid 1950s but published only a few poems. His works have been published in about thirty languages.


The Heart Broke In

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The Heart Broke In

It would be ugly to watch people poking sticks at a caged rat. It is uglier still to watch rats poking sticks at a caged person. – Jean Harris




Of all the books to spring to mind when reading The Heart Broke In the last one most people would think about would be The Rats by James Herbert but this just shows how my mind works. I don’t actually think there are any rats in The Heart Broke In—there are scientists and laboratories but no lab rats that I can think of. Some of the people are rats of course. One of the weaknesses of the horror genre—especially on film—is that most of the characters are only there as fodder and we really never get to bond with them before they meet their sticky (and these days increasingly imaginative) end at the hands of the serial killer or mutant sheep or whatever. What I liked about Herbert in The Rats is that he spends the first few chapters introducing us to a succession of characters—Harris the teacher, Paula and Mike and baby Karen, Guilfoyle the gay salesman and his protégé Francis—and devotes sufficient time to make us curious about and interested in them … and then he kills them. It is simple and effective. James Meek, although he takes several hundred pages more, does exactly that. Okay he doesn’t kill them but he does make them suffer. He takes us into the lives of Ritchie and Bec and Alex and Harry and Val and their families, friends and colleagues, makes us care about them, then frees the rats and hands out sticks.

Interestingly the first character we meet and get to know is one of the rats. Ritchie Shepherd used to be the lead singer in a rock band call The Lazygods along with his now-wife Karin who was, truth be told, the real creative force behind the group. They have two young children, Ruby and Dan, live in a £3 million Hampshire mansion and are not short of a bob or two. Ritchie produces Teen Makover an X-Factor-type show aimed at, as the title suggests, the teenage demographic and is doing very nicely. What flags him a rat is that he’s having an affair which these days isn’t so uncommon but what makes him especially rodentine is that the girl he’s been sleeping with is still only fifteen. According to an article I read in The Independent a quarter of girls have underage sex but for some reason society gets up in arms if the guy happens to be a bloke in his forties. Although it looks as if Ritchie’s going to be found out—his young daughter discovers the mobile phone through which he arranges his liaisons—miraculously, even after the girl’s mother finds out and confronts him, it still looks as if he’s going to get away with it. He breathes a sigh of relief.

The next thing we know we’re reading about some woman in Africa called Bec who we learn is Ritchie’s sister. She is whatever the opposite of rat might be. She’s a parasitologist and is well on the way to concocting the cure for malaria. During the course of the book she actually finds half a cure and becomes something of a media celebrity on the back of it. When we first encounter her she has a fiancé called Val, a newspaper editor (yes, he’s the next rat) and they are, frankly, something of an odd couple. He’s besotted with her but his feelings are not reciprocated and she’s not even sure how they wound up engaged—“her behaviour outside science seemed quite random to her”—and so she does the right thing. It’s not the worst breakup in the history of mankind but Val takes it badly—very badly. He wants to get back at her but there is simply no dirt on her. She’s a bona fide angel. Rats, however, are known for their intelligence and something she says just before walking out the door gives him an idea:

‘You could have asked me to marry you before you put your hand between my legs,’ she said. ‘You could have asked me to marry you before you kissed me. You talk as if there are rules I should be living by but if there are, you don’t know them any better than I do. I wish there was some kind of moral foundation I could stand on or try to blow up if I didn’t like it but there isn’t one.’ (Italics mine)

Be careful what you wish for. It might come true.

A month later Val invited Ritchie to lunch in his office.

blofeld1Val’s newspaper is the kind of rightwing tabloid which relishes in naming and shaming "immigrants, grasping bureaucrats, socialists, workshy spongers, amoral celebrities, trashy nouveau riche types, sexual perverts and traitors" and he has a proposition for Ritchie. With an air of some flamboyance—seriously you’d think he was a Bond villain—he makes Ritchie aware that he knows what he’s been up to:

‘[Y]ou’ve done wrong. Now you know the difference. I can see you feel sorry for yourself. You’re imagining other people feeling sorry for you too, aren’t you? Look at poor little Ritchie, getting a hiding from that evil tabloid editor. Look at him hounded and his privacy invaded. It was you, Ritchie. You did this.’ Val’s voice became softer. ‘When you don’t believe, when you don’t have faith in powers beyond this world to judge you, this is what happens. You don’t believe in God, so when you cheat, and lie, and bully little girls, there’s nobody to punish you. There’s just me.’

The price of his silence? Ritchie has a year’s grace. If within that time he has not provided Val with a suitably newsworthy (i.e. defamatory) story featuring his sister then the world will get to know precisely what kind of man Ritchie Shepherd truly is. At first Ritchie takes the high ground:

‘Do what you like … I’m not going to be your snitch and spy inside my own family.’

but by the time he’s driven home his resolve was somewhat diminished and he sends Val a text:

Do nothing precipitate

All the above takes 112 pages so a fifth of the book.

Now we’re introduced to Alex Comrie, brother of Dougie, nephew of Harry, friend to Ritchie and the drummer in his first band, Gorse. When Ritchie drops out of university to form The Ladygods with Karin, Alex sticks with his studies. Surprisingly Ritchie doesn’t let their friendship die even though their lives move off in very different directions. Perhaps having a scientist as a sister made him more amenable to having a “biomathematical traveller in the unmapped human cell” as a friend; that would be “gene therapist” to you and me. Ritchie is also oblivious to the fact Alex has a wee thing for his sister but nothing ever came of it when they were teenagers and now Alex is living with Maria with whom he seems to be unable to conceive a child.

Harry is also a scientist, “a medical geneticist who’d discovered that most people had a few immune cells with a recurring set of benign mutations that turned the mutant lymphocytes into cancer-hunting cells.” These “expert cells” as Harry calls them, if they could be harvested and tweaked genetically, could provide the cure to cancer. “He had already but cured one rare form of cancer.” The bugbear is that he’s suffering from one of the others and so it looks like Alex is going to be the man to pick up the torch. Needless to say, although he and Bec were never an item, Alex has followed her work in the journals. The odds of the two of them running into each other again are remote, even with Ritchie in common, but remote is not impossible. When we first meet him he’s still with Maria but with the failure of IVF their relationship is struggling.

Harry’s own son (and therefore Alex’s cousin) is Matthew. He is not a scientist nor has he ever been in a rock band. Matthew has found religion although it doesn’t seem to have brought him much joy. Father and son don’t get on. They don’t get on to such a degree that Matthew won’t even let Harry see his grandchildren in case he corrupts them with his blasphemous views regarding the origins of life. So Alex has pretty much taken over Matthew’s role as son and heir.

The last of the major players is Dougie, Alex’s brother. Dougie’s a postman and a bit of a waster. He owes his brother a lot of money but he’s really not that big of a rat or even much of a rat at all. There are bad men and there are weak men and Dougie really isn’t a bad man. He does do a bad thing, though. The bad thing. The thing is as far as bad things go it’s not that bad a bad thing. It’s just the wrong bad thing at the wrong (depending on your point of view) time.

Some books adapt well into either films or TV serials. I watched the recent remake of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy and it was excellent but there was not an ounce of fat anywhere; it had been preened to the bone. There was no way that it was ever going to best the superb seven-part BBC adaptation. If I were adapting the Heart Broke In for the small michael_gambonscreen I’d have to disembowel the book to make it work. I’d focus on chapters 1 to19 then jump to chapters 60 through 75, then see how much time I had left to cherry-pick from the middle of the book. And it would work. We’ve seen how scriptwriters have made it work time and time again. Ideally though someone like the BBC would get their hands on it, allocate it probably a four- or five-hour slot, farm out the work to a decent scriptwriter (maybe Paula Milne), sign up some big names (Michael Gambon would be perfect for ‘Harry’) and it would be compulsive viewing of a Sunday evening. Maybe not another Bouquet of Barbed Wire (the original) but good solid entertainment.

The blurb says it all really:

From James Meek, the award-winning author of the international bestseller The People’s Act of Love, comes a rich and intricate novel about everything that matters to us now: children, celebrity, secrets and shame, the quest for youth, loyalty and betrayal, falls from grace, acts of terror, and the wonderful, terrible inescapability of family.

If you’ve ever been a member of a family then you will get this book. You might not be able to relate to Ritchie’s philandering or Matthew’s piety; you might not get why it’s so important to Alex to father his own child but these are just details. Blood is thicker than water and so many great books and plays work because of that simple premise.

Theo Tait hits the nail on the head when he says in his review that Meek “is a novelist of Dostoevskyan intensity and seriousness, who occasionally yields to the impulses of the airport thriller.” Canongate editorial director Francis Bickmore describes it as "a 21st-century Anna Karenina" and his American counterpart echoes that viewpoint. There are “plots and subplots” but it took me a long time to work out which were the plots and which the subplots. Meek says:

I wanted this to be a multiperspective book. I wanted to go back to the way it used to be when a writer who appears to be focusing on a particular character will suddenly dip into the mind of another one. Well, I haven’t gone quite that far in The Heart Broke In, but it is told from multiple points of view.... One thing I can now do is enjoy a book and analyze it at the same time, and think, why do I like that, what’s the author doing there? I don’t know whether I’m a better writer now than I was 20 years ago, but I do know that I’m a better reader. – Johanna Lane, ‘Collisions with Strangeness: James Meek’, Publishers Weekly, 2nd July 2012

The book jumps from naught to sixty in about three pages. We’re dropped into the seething morass that is Ritchie’s life—his phone’s gone AWOL and then his girlfriend’s mother turns up, his daughter’s blackmailing him to get a spot on TV—and although he may be an unsavoury character he certainly is an interesting one—and then we get Bec’s story, then Alex’s and then there’s Harry talking to his barber—and I really couldn’t figure out where this was all going. Four of my own five novels would have been finished by this point and I didn’t feel that ‘the story’ had really started. I have said many, many times that I don’t like long novels and there were big chunks of this one I could not see the point of. Meek spends four pages describing a journey through streets that could have been summarised by the sentence, “The traffic was so bad he nearly missed her.”

Most novels—with perhaps the exception of crime novels where the crime often takes precedence—start off by letting us know who the protagonist is; frequently his are the first words we hear. He’s usually there on page one and, a bit like a chick breaking our way out of the egg, we see him and attach ourselves to him. The thing Lyndsey Marshalis Ritchie Shepherd is really not the book’s focus. At the heart of this book is the love story between Alex and Bec, although they are no Romeo and Juliet. Yes, because of what Ritchie got caught doing, he has an impact on their lives, but in this ensemble Bec feels to me like the star turn. (Lyndsey Marshal maybe?) I didn’t like giving Ritchie up. I might not have liked him but I wanted to see what happened to him and then I get all these scientists. I didn’t want to read about scientists; I wanted to see Ritchie get his comeuppance. Musically this is like Also Sprach Zarathustra. Everyone knows those famous opening bars but what happens after that? I felt cheated the first time I heard it. I still have that tape in fact and haven’t listened to it in years.

I’m not a scientist nor am I especially interested in science. If you’re going to talk science to me, make a documentary with flashy visuals and get someone cool like Morgan Freeman to do the presenting. Maybe then I’ll watch it. Probably not. Most of the science stuff in the book I wanted to be over. It clogged up the narrative. The moral dilemmas facing these individuals were more important than what they did to earn a crust. In an interview Meek writes:

People who do not believe in God are not excused from having to make moral choices, and you are a poor novelist, or poor human being, if you don’t examine what kind of a moral framework we have—or what it means to be living, loving, and having a family in a nonreligious world or one in which it is at least permitted not to believe. I don’t share the belief of the believers, but I do understand them when they say, Why be good? Why have children? Some philosophers have looked at these issues, but it hasn’t trickled down to Joe Atheist.

This is where the description “Dostoevskyan” is appropriate because everyone here eventually has to make a decision. The tag line for the book is:

Would you betray someone you love to give them what they want?

but that only refers to Bec’s problem. Ritchie’s conundrum is obvious but then Harry and Alex and Dougie all are faced with making decisions that will affect the lives of others. What moral compass is guiding them?

One reviewer on Goodreads says that she wished the book was longer. Actually I do get that because there are a lot of people in this book and some of the minor Ciara Baxendaleones really don’t get the time on the page they probably deserve and will end up on the cutting room floor if they even manage to squeeze themselves into the script. Matthew’s daughter Rose who leaves home to become a Muslim is one. (Ciara Baxendale certainly looks the part. Now if she can just pull off the Scottish accent.) As far as I’m concerned there are two books fighting against each other here, a thriller and a morality tale. Once Bec answers her question it felt as if Meek had suddenly floored it. Up until that point it seemed like we’d been running on fumes. Too long for me but anything over 250 pages is too long for me. Meek has good points to make—and he makes them well—but he didn’t need to spend 550 pages making them.

You can preview the novel on Google Books here.

***

jamesmeekJames Meek is a British writer and journalist. He was born in London in 1962 but moved when he was five to Broughty Ferry in Scotland.

After leaving university he worked as a journalist. In 1990 The Scotsman sent him to Saudi Arabia to cover the confrontation with Iraq over Saddam Hussein’s invasion of Kuwait. He was in the Middle East for six weeks and was one of the first reporters into Kuwait City after the Iraqis fled. In 1991 he drove to Russia and began working as a freelance reporter for The Guardian. He lived in Moscow for five years.

The Heart Broke In is his fifth novel; he has also published two short story collections. In 2004 he was named Foreign Correspondent and Amnesty Journalist of The Year. His third novel, The People’s Act of Love (2005) won the Scottish Arts Council Book of Year Award and the Ondaatje Prize and has been translated into twenty languages. His fourth novel, We Are Now Beginning Our Descent (2008) won the Prince Maurice prize for literary love stories.

He now lives in east London and is a contributing editor for the London Review of Books.

Is writing a hobby?

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A hobby is a defiance of the contemporary. It is an assertion of those permanent values which the momentary eddies of social evolution have contravened or overlooked. If this is true, then we may also say that every hobbyist is inherently a radical, and that his tribe is inherently a minority.Aldo Leopold, A Sand County Almanac: With Other Essays on Conservation from Round River



We Brits love our hobbies. For years at the end on my CV I included a few at the end. After a while, though, I changed the heading from ‘Hobbies’ to ‘Interests’ as I felt it was a bit more adult, as if hobbies were for kids. There was a programme on the TV a while back talking about some of the weird and wonderful hobbies the British have engaged in over the years and how they have changed. Hobbies started off being group activities often revolving around people’s places of employment (e.g. the work football team or brass band) and then, because of the lack of money during the two world wars, crafts became increasingly popular (making things with matchsticks and the like). Collecting has always been quintessentially British and not just sensible things like cigarette cards or coins; cheese labels was what one woman was into and she turned it into quite a profitable wee business. An alternative to collecting physical objects was collecting experiences: hence the rise of train spotting, bird watching and photography. In my time I have collected stamps, coins, toy cars, rocks, fossils, comics, bubblegum cards and I still collect music like it’s going out of fashion. But is writing a hobby?

Okay, so what exactly is a hobby?

A hobby is a regular activity or interest that is undertaken for pleasure, typically done during one's leisure time. Examples of hobbies include collecting, creative and artistic pursuits, making, tinkering, sports and adult education. Engaging in a hobby can lead to acquiring substantial skill, knowledge and experience. People also enjoy participating in competitive hobbies such as athletics, hockey, curling, golf, bowling and tennis.

Generally speaking, the person who engages in an activity for fun, not remuneration, is called an amateur (or hobbyist), as distinct from a professional. – Wikipedia

I actually define ‘amateur’ and ‘professional’ slightly differently: an amateur is someone who does something because he loves doing it whereas a professional does something because he has to even when he doesn’t feel like it. Most writers, even those who get paid (whether in cash or in kind) are amateurs. People don’t go to work in a cannery or down the pit for the love of it. It’s an emotive word, nevertheless, as amateurs are often looked down on: Oh, he’s a weekend such-and-such. The film director, John Waters, says it all when he wrote in Role Models: “The only insult I've ever received in my adult life was when someone asked me, ‘Do you have a hobby?’ A HOBBY?! DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING DABBLER?!”

An amateur (French amateur"lover of", from Old French and ultimately from Latin amatorem nom. amator, "lover") is generally considered a person attached to a particular pursuit, study, or science, without pay and often without formal training. Amateurism can be seen in both a negative and positive light. Since amateurs often do not have formal training, some amateur work may be considered sub-par. – Wikipedia

A professional is a person who is paid to undertake a specialized set of tasks and to complete them for a fee.

The main criteria for a professional include the following:

  1. Expert and specialized knowledge in field which one is practicing professionally.
  2. Excellent manual/practical and literary skills in relation to profession.
  3. High quality work in (examples): creations, products, services, presentations, consultancy, primary/other research, administrative, marketing, photography or other work endeavours.
  4. A high standard of professional ethics, behaviour and work activities while carrying out one's profession (as an employee, self-employed person, career, enterprise, business, company, or partnership/associate/colleague, etc.). The professional owes a higher duty to a client, often a privilege of confidentiality, as well as a duty not to abandon the client just because he or she may not be able to pay or remunerate the professional. Often the professional is required to put the interest of the client ahead of his own interests.
  5. Reasonable work morale and motivation. Having interest and desire to do a job well as holding positive attitude towards the profession are important elements in attaining a high level of professionalism.
  6. Appropriate treatment of relationships with colleagues. Consideration should be shown to elderly, junior or inexperienced colleagues, as well as those with special needs. An example must be set to perpetuate the attitude of one's business without doing it harm.
  7. A professional is an expert who is a master in a specific field. – Wikipedia

For me the key difference is the existence of a customer. A novel is a one off. It could reasonably be referred to as custom-made. As it’s also a work of art the customer often isn’t too specific about what he requires but sometimes he is: “There’s this new blockbuster coming out and we require a novelisation. This is when it needs to be completed, this is the word count and this is what we’re willing to pay for it. Oh, and it’s aimed at the YA market so watch the language. Do you want the job?” Usually an author produces a book that he thinks will meet a demand and then sees if he can get someone to invest in it (hopefully) without demanding much in the way of rewrites.

Does the fact that you can get paid for what you produce make you a professional? I got paid £1.50 for a poem that was published in 1979 and for many years that was the grand sum that I had earned from my writing. So that makes me a professional writer, right? Nah. I write what I want when I want. I have never had to rely on my writing to put food on the table. In an extremely forthright article over at terribleminds I read this:

You cannot maintain the illusion of writing being this precious act when you’re working to make a living wage. I mean, I guess you can if you’re Stephen King. But me? And you? This illusion is dismembered by the reaper’s scythe. Writing is a job. A wake-up-at-the-perineum-of-dawn-and-churn-out-a-fast-two-thousand-words job. The kind of job where, if you don’t write, you don’t get paid, and if you don’t get paid, you will die in a gutter wearing only that one pair of pants you own.

Chuck Wendig describes himself as “a novelist, a screenwriter, and a freelance ChuckWendigpenmonkey.” He also does some game design on the side.

I cannot imagine being able to do that. That’s scary stuff. On the subject of linking writing and commerce he writes:

There’s a whole seedy sub-layer to being a pro-writer that, for some reason, writers don’t want to deal with. Fuck that. That’s like owning a toilet and not knowing how to unclog it. Elves don’t come and handle it, for Chrissakes. This is your job. Keyword: job.

Bottom line: I am not a jobbing author. Which makes me an amateur and amateurs can’t be professional, right? What’s the only thing that separates amateurs and professionals? The moolah. Amateurs can behave in a professional manner. What do you need to be a professional table tennis player? A table, a paddle and a ball. And what’s that going to set you back? Unless you want a table made out of concrete (seriously, they do them) you could buy a top of the range table for £800. A paddle? £240 max. Balls? You could pick up a bucket load for £60. So we’re not talking about a fortune. What does Stephen King write on? The web site stephenking.com allows you to take a virtual tour of his office. There, on his virtual desk, you'll see an iMAC computer. So one would assume he uses an iMAC in real life, too, not that it matters. You get the idea. The basic requirements to be any kind of writer will not set you back more than a few hundred quid tops. My mum wrote in my sister’s old school jotters with a Bic.

But what about the training? Stephen King graduated from the University of Maine at Orono in 1970, with a B.A. in English and qualified to teach on the high school level. He learned to write by doing. To the best of my knowledge The University of East Anglia's Creative Writing Course , which was founded by Sir Malcolm Bradbury and Sir Angus Wilson that very same year, was the first of its kind in the UK. Ian McEwan was the first applicant as I remember it. In a radio interview on Radio 4 in 2010 he had this to say:

I have fought all my life—forty years in fact—against the PR machinery of UEA which makes me out to be the product of a creative writing course. I am nothing of the kind.

In the interview both McEwan and Tobias Hill emphasise the benefit of reading and, to be blunt, no one needs to go to university to read good books. But can writing be taught? Certain aspects can and are. A sentence begins with a capital letter, ends with a full stop and must contain at least a noun and a verb. We get that in primary school. Writing, like any form of art, is not without its techniques, but there’s also learning on the job. And that can’t be discounted. An MA in Creative Writing is referred to the world over as a “professional qualification” but just because you have a Degree in Psychology does not make you a psychologist. Why would a writing degree make you a writer?

Very few writers make a living solely from writing. In the fall of 1971, Stephen began teaching high school English classes at Hampden Academy. It wasn’t until the spring of 1973 that his novel Carrie was accepted for publication. Likewise William McIlvanney worked as an English teacher between 1960 and 1975 and only could afford to write fulltime after Docherty was published; it was his third novel. Joanna Trollope worked as an English teacher for twelve years. Muriel Spark worked as an English teacher and a secretary. In 1996, while J K Rowling was working as a French teacher in Edinburgh, Bloomsbury published Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone; she’d also worked as an English teacher in Portugal and a secretary at various firms. I could go on and on. These were all amateur writers with professional work ethics.

kaysextonLet me tell you about Kay Sexton. Actually I’ll let her tell you. This is from her website:

Kay Sexton's fiction has been chosen for over forty anthologies and been broadcast on Radio 4. Her unpublished novel, Gatekeeper, was shortlisted for the Dundee International Book Prize, she was shortlisted for the Willesden Herald short story prize in 2008, a finalist for the Bridport Prize in 2009 and was long-listed for the Sunday Times EFT Short Story prize 2010 alongside A.L. Kennedy, Rose Tremain, Jackie Kay and Helen Simpson. Her first non-fiction book is called Minding My Peas and Cucumbers: Quirky Tales of Allotment Life.

In addition to banging words together as Kay Sexton, she writes under the pen names Ren Holton and Carmel Lockyer, toils on her allotment and ministers to a Cairn Terrier called Rebus.

I got to know Kay via my wife. Kay submitted work to Carrie’s magazines and eventually did some work for her as an editor. It was unpaid but work is work, right? Recently she posted this on her blog. In part:

I went to an event earlier this month that I wasn’t expecting to attend, picked up my little badge at the door and it said Kay Sexton: Writer. Fair enough, I thought. Deep in the room was a person I have known distantly, for many years.

“What makes you a writer?” she asked and she didn’t ask it nicely.

The simple answer is that the person who wrote the badges made me a writer. Her badge said Lecturer which I also thought was fair enough. She earns her money through talking to students, I earn mine through writing. Simples, as some annoying mammals on TV commercials say.

But no. She pursued the subject and I knew why. In her eyes she is more of a writer than me. She has, after all, written a masterly doctoral thesis on Henry James, and had it published. Not in English by the way, in case you’re heading off to google my interlocutor (and I suspect I’m supposed to be pedantically furious that google is now a verb, but frankly, my dear, I have bigger things to worry about—like my appalling form in back squats). In her eyes she is a more erudite writer than me. A more substantial writer than me. She doesn’t write mucky stories for money (nor do I: I write complex feminist erotica for money, or at least that’s how I think of it) and she teaches the subject of writing at graduate level.

If you asked me, I wouldn’t say I was a writer. I would have said that writing is what I do, not what I am. I am, by comparison, a mother, an allotment-holder, a cook, and a crossfitter. And yet …

I’ll leave it there. If you want to read the whole post, feel free. I had started writing this post before I got caught up in her post but I was genuinely upset for her because, unlike so many of us who write simply for the love of it, Kay Sexton is a jobbing author. Her non-fiction book was a commission. I read it and, although it’s not my kind of book, I couldn’t fault the writing. It wasn’t simply competent; she raised the bar for herself and wrote a book that managed to keep my attention and entertain me. And then some snobby lecturer comes along and asks by what right she has the temerity to call herself a writer.

There are very few people out there who truly enjoy their job. Mondays stink, Wednesdays drag and Fridays refuse to end quickly enough. But it’s what we do so that we’re free the rest of the time to do what we want to do, be that trainspotting, stamp collecting, pigeon racing or novel writing. Kay is one of the lucky ones in that she has a job she loves. She is a professional amateur, not, I hasten to add, an amateurish professional.

You’ll note I never included book collecting as one of my hobbies even though I have a collection dating back to when I was sixteen. In this regard I agree with Jeanette Winterson who said:

Book collecting is an obsession, an occupation, a disease, an addiction, a fascination, an absurdity, a fate. It is not a hobby. Those who do it must do it. Those who do not do it, think of it as a cousin of stamp collecting, a sister of the trophy cabinet, bastard of a sound bank account and a weak mind.

Spider-Woman2Books are like tools and although there will be those who collect tools simply to own them and never have the slightest intention of using them I use my books. They do not need to be in pristine condition. They are not, like my copy of X-Force #1 still in its original wrapping and unread even though it was not sold in a Mylar bag. I remember paying £2 for a copy of Spider-Woman #2 simply to complete my collection. Don’t get me wrong, I like collecting but I don’t collect books. I have amassed a large number of books but I don’t collect them. It’s semantics but words are important to us writers, even us amateur writers.

Like so many posts like this there is no right answer to the question I posed at the outset; I raised it to make you think. I’ve never considered writing as a hobby personally. It wasn’t a job and referring to it as a vocation or a calling sounds pretentious beyond belief. There’s nothing a writer hates more than not having a word for something. What is writing to me? Here’s a poem I wrote in 1997:

The Art of Breathing


To find room for the new
you have to let go of
the old

so to learn how to write
I had to forget how
to breathe

and for a time I thought
I had to write to keep
breathing

which makes such perfect sense
but only if you're a
poet.


20 November 1997

Writing, for me, is a way of life. For some it will be a hobby and for others a job of work but if it’s not a way of life then they deserve to be called dabblers. I am not a dabbler. Writing is not a bit of fun. It is not a distraction although it is frequently distracting. The odds of me attending any kind of event where someone might hand me a badge that said: Jim Murdoch: Writer are remote but if I was handed one there is no way I would hand it back and say, “I’m sorry, you’re mistaken. This must be some other ‘Jim Murdoch’.” A lifestyle—I’m thinking here of the term as it was originally defined by Adler—involves choices: we choose how we view ourselves even if we can’t influence how the world views us.  Identity, however, is a complex thing and I’m not going to get onto that hobbyhorse here. Instead I’ll leave you with a final quote from Harvey Fierstein to mull over:

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.

I am a writer. That means something to me. My inability to explain to others precisely what that means in no way diminishes how important it is to me to look in the mirror and see a writer looking back at me. I don’t owe you an explanation. You’re not the boss of me.

Ancient Lights

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Ancient Lights

[I]t’s the nakedness that poetry implies that cancels it out as a respectable creative option.  In an increasingly inarticulate world that communicates in cliché & jargon, there is no place for what is interpreted as promiscuous self-exposure on the part of the poet.  If the poem puzzles, resentment is caused: what is the poet trying to slip past me?  If the poem communicates, embarrassment results: why are you trying to share your vulnerability with me?  What do you want? — Dick Jones, blog post, October 21, 2007




I have known Dick Jones for five years. I’ve never met him or had a face to face conversation or anything but I have got to know him nevertheless. His was, I think, if not the first, then one of the very first blogs I started following after I myself began blogging in August 2007 and I have read every one since then. In many respects Dick and I are very different people—not that a prerequisite for a long-lasting friendship ought to be how similar two individuals are—but there is definitely common ground there. For starters we both waited a painfully long time before we got round to publishing full collections of our poetry.

Dick is a few years older than I am. He was born on Christmas Day in the final year of World War II and a number of his poems look back to that time which is not that surprising because evidence of that war would have been everywhere during his formative years and despite people on the one hand wanting to forget all that had happened and press on with their lives they would nevertheless have felt the need for a long time to get the war out of their systems. There are also poems that celebrate Maise, Rosie and Rubenhis new family—he is the father of three young children (Maisie, Rosie and Reuben) whose photos and exploits often grace his blog (we don’t hear so much about his grownup children Lindsay and Zoë)—and then there is everything in between and there has been a lot in between. He’s been a teacher—Primary, English and then drama for thirty-five years—but has also played in a variety of bands—in 1969 he discussed with David Bowie the possibility of forming a group featuring poetry and drama alongside music which never came to pass; he also once auditioned Elvis Costello as a keyboard player for his band but turned him down in favour of someone called Sparky Harris—although I would imagine the highlight of that career might rightly be playing to a capacity audience in the Albert Hall. His most prized possession is a Washburn acoustic bass guitar. He’s been a radio ham and political activist and continues to be a bibliophile (he owns thousands of books) as well as a supporter—“against all reason” (his words, not mine, but it shows that no one’s perfect)—of Watford Football Club. It is difficult to review his poetry collection Ancient Lights objectively since I’m privy to much of the background information, in fact in preparation for this article I reread many of his posts from his current blog Dick Jones’ Patteran Pages—which although he’s talked about packing in for years he’s never quite managed to—and also his old Salon Poets blog which is still accessible through Wayback Machine.

Dick and I came to poetry the same way, through the First World War poets which were a part of our respective English syllabi. He writes:

235px-Wilfred_Owen_plate_from_Poems_(1920)I was never forced to memorise a poem. But the first poem I went out of my way to learn by heart was Rupert Brooke’sThe Soldier. I was 15 & in the first throes of my epiphanic discovery of the First World War poets. I graduated swiftly to Siegfried Sassoon& Wilfred Owen& then to writing my own Great War verse.  I have preserved the small blue notebook in which all of these early efforts are contained to remind myself always of just how utterly frightful juvenilia can be. – blog entry, December 19, 2006

By coincidence my poems from that time are also in a blue notebook which contains similar examples of highly derivative (and equally frightful) antiwar poetry. There is other common ground from that time—Larkin and R.S. Thomas (we both list ‘On The Farm’ as a favourite poem and he thinks “that concluding line from ‘An Arundel Tomb’ is probably the finest clincher of any poem”)—but then Dick was wooed by the Beats and I the Imagists (both American schools) and we found our own paths which we’ve each meandered along not trying especially hard to get anywhere with our poetry (life getting in the way and all that) until the Internet became an inescapable part of our lives.

Put it this way: neither of us became English professors or expects to be the next poet laureate. Dick writes:

If I was driven excessively from the start by the desire to set the world alight with my deathless prose or my incandescent verse, that imperative ran out of momentum when I realised that all was vanity & I was only reaching a constituency of one & even he was losing interest in my prodigious output. So I stopped & played bass guitar in a series of bands instead. – blog entry, May 20, 2007

Poetry could well have been a phase we both went through. One of the reasons Dick surmises that people these days don’t read poetry is that it reminds them of a time long past when they, too, once dabbled:

[F]or so many people … there is a deeper unease, a half-memory, maybe, of a time in life when the romantic muse pursued even the most prosaic of them with uninhibited energy.  Can there be many of us who haven’t at some time in youth sat down & scribbled off a heartbroken threnody to a lost love?  And then, to demonstrate the cosmic scale of heartbreak, shown it to a few close friends.   And then basked briefly in the melancholy glory that attends, not the callow infatuated adolescent but the wounded artist.  Time (two weeks, three weeks) heals the injury & the verses end up in the back of a drawer, returning maybe years later to haunt the author with memories of a time of chilling vulnerability. – blog post, October 21, 2007

In time we did become better poets though because despite all the other distractions that life threw at us the poetry refused to go away. We shrugged off our early romantic notions of prosody and realised that it was simply a tool that was at our disposal. Dick puts it very well when he says:

I would venture that for the majority of jobbing poets art is a minor element in the mix & craft is most of what the process is about.  The raw materials are already in place: on the page, on the screen, in our ears, in our mouths.  The poet stands quietly on corners plucking them as they emerge then carrying them away to push them laboriously about the page in search of a resonant image, a potent phrase. 

All of which is done dispassionately, thoughtfully.  The coolness & detachment of the poet pushing & tugging at the stack of words are in direct inverse proportion to the intensity of passion he or she is trying to capture & communicate.  Chewed pens, strangled cries, tearstained pages are not significators of the process of emergence of a poem on its way towards greatness.  In order to establish the timelessly universal from the minutely particular, the poet must work like an architect, building a structure whose strength comes from a balance of stress & counterstress.  

And that process involves a sober, controlled, patient tenacity that is a million miles away from the chest beating & hair tearing that characterises the poet of popular perception – blog post, October 21, 2007

When I was a teenager poetry came easily to me. It was bad poetry but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I was constantly on the cusp, waiting—and not very patiently at that—for the next work of genius. Now if I write a poem a month I’m content. Dick’s a bit more prolific than me but he can still go for weeks, even months, without producing a thing and then wham! In April 2008 he wrote that he was “awaiting the lifting of the inspiration embargo on new verse (nothing since January)” and then in mid-June wrote five, one after another and had a sixth on the boil. Exactly the same happened to me this year. Unlike me, though, Dick’s poems often take him an interminably long time—occasionally years—to finally settle and frequently on his blog you’ll see the appearance of a second or third draft. In April 2009, for example, he wrote of his poem ‘For Johnny the Bright Star’ (which does not appear in his new collection): “I’ve had this poem in a state of very slow—almost elephantine—gestation for three years now. In fact, it stalled a few months after I started it in the white heat of zeal.” Comments like that are commonplace and many have been “slow burners”. Of ‘Mr Moore’s Wall-Clock’ (which is the third poem in the collection) he wrote in September 2007: “This poem has been in a state of slow flux for a number of years.” The fourth draft of that poem finally appeared in March 2009 and yet that still isn’t the final version we get in Ancient Lights. The earliest version I can find online dates back to June 2004 although it will be older than that, still, I have no doubt.

How to describe Dick’s poetry? A few years back I interviewed him for my blog. You can read the whole interview here and it makes interesting reading. In it I talk about the first of his poems that I read in November 2007. It’s called ‘Fox Hunting’ and I reproduce it at the start of the post:

foxMy first thought when I read this was that this was the kind of poem that we'd get handed out in English class at school on hard-to-read roneoed copies, the kind where we'd look at the title and groan internally: Christ! Who wants to read a poem about ruddy foxes?

And then the teacher would read it aloud—no point asking one of us because we'd ruin it—and suddenly the thing would "happen in plain air" to use Dick's expression, at least how I interpret that expression. Then she'd start to ask questions and open the poem up line by line so that when she read it again at the end of the lesson it had become something else entirely.

It was having the poetry of Owen, Larkin and Hughes amongst others broken down and reassembled like this that made poetry come alive for me. 'Fox Hunting' would have slipped in there, unnoticed, without any problem but I would have carried that last line [Night self-heals, like water] with me for years.

Over on her blog The Chocolate Interrobang Karen M manages to express herself more concisely:

He is an accomplished poet who writes from the intersecting axes of his memory and dreams and history, both his family's and his country's, especially WWII.

This is similar to something Dick wrote on his own blog three months earlier:

I've been doing some work on a series of autobiographical poems, gathered under the collective title of Ancient Lights. The aim has been to place fragmentary, sometimes dreamlike memories—some my own (amongst them the earliest I can recall), others received—into the context of their time. The difficulty is, as ever, to locate the universal in the particular & personal. – blog post, January 18, 2007

This is why Dick’s collection is worth reading. Because it doesn’t ignore the universal. Poetry is personal—there’s no way around that—but the best poems transcend the personal and find a way to not so much connect with others but to enable others to connect with parts of themselves they might have been struggling to. As Dick says: “[P]oetry is just words & words belong to everyone. All a poet does is shuffle them around on a bit of paper. And anyone can do that.” Most of us manage to express ourselves in words even if we don’t write them down but only a few have the ability to say things for other people. Dick illustrates this:

The best poetry faces up to a world of near-unmitigated savagery & it rings its bells & blows its whistles loud & clear.  Our vision of the First World War as a conflict of unprecedented cruelty & stupidity was not provided principally by what passed for news media at that time but by poets. – blog post, October 3, 2006

We read the writing of those whose utterances touch us most deeply for the same three principal reasons that have enchanted readers always, each one likely to be true for each of us in varying degree:

  • Because they draw us into the heart of their own world & make it meaningful to us.
  • Because they enable us to perceive our own world with greater clarity & understanding.
  • Because they open our eyes to new truths & possibilities & alter significantly our view of the world we share. – blog post, October 4, 2006

Like me he has learned not to try and make poems happen but to simply be vigilant and respond when the ideas come. As he says in an interview over on The Storialist (if you can call one question and a long answer an interview) where he talks at length about his poem ‘In the Daubigny Chapel’ (not in this collection):

I never seek out memory consciously as some kind of goad to inspiration. I can only write in response to some jolt from without or within and long periods may pass between such events. Then a small linkage of words or a complete line will simply appear, often enough in the midst of a sequence of either focused or disconnected thinking.

And from an old Salon blog:

I work best in distinctly 'unpoetic' circumstances—on the train, caught in traffic in the car, in lessons when students are working on their own, in the john, when sitting by the fountain on the way into town... Inspiration arrives undramatically & with little in the way of accompanying spiritual or other-worldly frissons. The completion of a poem gives me the satisfaction of having laid brick on brick symmetrically & having installed a window you can look out of & a door that swings freely & shuts neatly. I can't imagine not writing. – blog post, August 30, 2004

This is illustrated well in the following excerpt from his poem ‘New Sherwood’. Dave Bonta (the editor of qarrtsiluni) quotes from it in his blurb on the back cover of Ancient Lights, saying it could well be Dick’s ars poetica:

Don’t build. Just find intact
(albeit cracked and leaky)
a house that’s there

already, one that’s rooted
firm and knows its skin;
that’s free of pain

and ghosts, with trees
and half-forgotten gardens,
mossy cold-frames, twisted

vines and sudden sundials
in the long, uncultivated
grass. Then let us blow

like puffball parachutes
in a random wind,
the achene fruit

that falls and germinates
when and where
it will.

‘New Sherwoord’ is not in this collection although Dave has published a number of poems which are:

Dick with bassAnother way that Dick is like me is that his poetry has a limited palette. That sounds like an insult but it’s not. Not every singer has a range like Freddie Mercury (Freddie’s vocals were over a four-octave range) or needs to. Most of us manage just fine with one and a half octaves. Bruce Springsteen doesn’t have much of a range and I’ll bet Leonard Cohen can’t croak more than a fifth these days. Dick returns to the same themes over and over again in the same way that a blues musician does. The Blues is not just about a bloke waking up in the morning and finding his baby gone any more than his is all about looking back to an England that’s long gone. That said Dick’s poetry does look back a lot. It’s nostalgic but not sentimental. Nature fascinates him but there are invariably people wandering around his landscapes and you realise you’re reading more about human nature than grass and trees and foxes. The collection is well named because light is everywhere: direct, reflected, refracted, moonlight, starlight, firelight. Music is also a constant—but music in the broadest sense (although U2 do have a cameo)—and every poem presents a pleasing soundscape. As he says in another recent interview:

[A]t the point of writing I’m acutely sensitive to the way in which the words chime and I repeat sections over and again to ensure that there’s some melodic and/or rhythmic symmetry at work. For better or worse, I always aim for a musicality within each poem and I’m very conscious of the common ground between poetry and music.

Another common theme in his work is what Dick calls “the finity of things”. He writes:

I am given, however, to deep melancholy on occasions.  It’s a tendency that has been with me for as long as I can remember.  Almost invariably it’s provoked by a sudden & frequently acute sense of the finite nature of all things on this foreshortened spectrum from inception to inevitable decay.  Even as a young child I was drawn to literature that dealt with the finity of things—with the passage of events within a specific time frame. When re-reading favourite books—The Wind in the Willows, Peter Pan, The Hobbit, Le Morte d’Arthur—my enjoyment was always tempered by a gathering awareness of the approaching imminence of conclusion & the characters’ passage into a time & place somehow less elevated & intense.

[…]

All I know is that, although melancholy drops still in late middle age a veil through which sometimes I view the world, I wouldn’t be without its darker focus.  It feeds my poetry (for better or worse), enhances my response to music &—not least—protects me against the growing trend towards vapid, mindless good cheer as a kneejerk reaction to the slightest hint of adversity in these complex & troubled times. – blog post, February 21, 2007

This is perfectly illustrated in this deceptively simple poem from Ancient Lights which first appeared in Snakeskinin a slightly different form:

ROSIE'S DANDELION

Rosie brings in the last
dandelion, carrying it closed
in a chalice of hands like

a sacrament. Stock still,
she passes a slow thumb
around its bright corolla.

It lifts its head. We are charged
with its accommodation.
It lolls loud, a solo voice

in a wine glass. By morning
its royalty is spent. The crown
is sweated hair, the stem a bled

rosies_dandelionvein. Rosie cups its scrap length,
lifting it to me on a tear
for aid or explanation.

But what can I tell her
about time that I would
have her know so soon?

It’s not my favourite poem in the collection but it was the one Beth chose to read in a little video commentary she did where she talks about how long she’s known Dick and the effect his poetry has on her. It’s her first go at making a video so the production values aren’t too polished but there’s a genuineness in her delivery. I see she also plumped for the hard backed version. (Sorry, Dick. Frugal Scot here only forked out for the paperback.)

I don’t see this collection as a book that young people will get excited about any more than they will have done when they were forced to endure most of the poetry they got at school. He doesn’t write punchy poems like John Cooper Clarke talking about chop suey or Majorca or why you never see a nipple in the Daily Express. Dick is a very traditional English poet in many respects, even a little old-fashioned, but nowhere near as idealistic as Betjeman. He is a poet one needs to grow into to fully appreciate or maybe I mean grow up to appreciate.

What I do find surprising, given Dick’s loudly-proclaimed atheism are the frequent references to religious imagery and language. Poems like ‘Stained Glass’, ‘Credo’ and ‘An Hour in Chapel Annexe’ are three that jump out after only a quick flick through the book. Although he wears his atheism with pride he has said that he doesn’t “deny the existence of a spiritual dimension within the human constitution”. That is evident from his poem ‘The Green Man’ which you can see him read here:

My favourite? Actually it’s still that very first poem but here’s my choice from Ancient Light. It is a perfect example of what I was talking about at the start of my interview with Dick. I can imagine sitting in Miss Williamson’s class, first period after lunch and still giddy after an hour’s freedom. She’d breenge into the room, gown flying behind her, all red hair and beady eyes with a sheaf of loose paper draped over her arm which we’d all see and pray was not a test. It wouldn’t be a test, no, perhaps worse, it would be a poem which would be passed out despite our protestations. What this time? ‘Toads’? ‘Hawk Roosting’? ‘My Last Duchess’?

FIRST ECLIPSE

A full eclipse, they told us:
bit by bit, a feeble daytime moon
will efface the sun, enfold us
in a counterfeit of night at noon.

Around the edges of the lunar disc
a crown of fire will burn so bright
that scrutiny by naked eye would risk
blindness. Thrilled, we learned that light

that violent must be sifted
through a darkened lens. And so
the grownups stood about, eyes lifted,
penitents in sunglasses who know

the world’s about to end. Meanwhile,
we children lay in long grass, sharing
out the negatives I’d brought – a pile
of family snaps from home. Pairing

them up like playing cards, I dealt,
choosing for myself a glossy square
of clouds on a bright black day, and knelt
(like a penitent) to outstare

the slow mutating sun. Indistinct
at first, but then, from partial darkness,
bold and clear, Mum and Dad, arms linked,
strode out of their past. The starkness

of that moment’s image – of their smug duality
before my birth – was blinding and I dropped
my hand. Lost in eclipse, I couldn’t see
where light began or where the darkness stopped.

dick-jones-28sept11It would be nice to imagine that one day in the future we see a similar scene enfold only it’s not Larkin, or Hughes or Browning. No, it’s some bloke called Dick Jones. And I can just hear the kids: “Never heard of him. And look at it! It rhymes in all the wrong places.”

But then there will be this one speccy kid in the third row from the window near the back whose just read the poem over to himself when it hits him: Oh… my… God.

Mormon Diaries

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Mormon Diaries

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ – Mahatma Gandhi




Justice is a good idea; lawyers not so much. Politics is a good idea; governments not so much. Beliefs are a good idea; religions, again, not so much. The world is full of good ideas but as soon as we draft people in to manage them everything goes pear shaped. Regular readers of this blog may have noticed that I never discuss religion. It seems, though, as I’m going to review a book called Mormon Diaries, I should at least say where I stand when it comes to religion: I don’t care. I’m not a true believer, a lapsed anything, an agnostic or an atheist. I am not interested in discussing the issues. I do not want to be converted nor am I interested in converting others to my mindset. I … don’t … care.

I was not always that way. I was raised by a pair of devout fundamentalist Christians and that upbringing had a lot to do with who I am today; I am a principled and dutiful person. As far as religions go I liked that mine encouraged an inquiring mind—there was none of this “it’s a mystery” or “because we say it’s true”—and I appreciated that but an intellectual grasp of scripture can only take one so far. At a fairly young age I realised that there was something amiss but I kept going through the motions assuming that by osmosis I would eventually discover or develop my spiritual side. I never did and fifteen years ago I stopped pretending to myself and resigned formally. There are people who have no sense of smell. I have no spiritual awareness. Nada. My decision did not go down well with my family. The last time I spoke to my siblings was at our mother’s funeral and I have had no contact with them since and that’s over ten years. So if I approached Mormon Diaries from a sympathetic standpoint you’ll understand why.

There is an old Jesuit maxim "Give me a child for his first seven years and I'll give you the man." It’s been co-opted by everyone, even Lenin. Roman Catholics will understand this better than most because they have their own special brand of guilt that never goes away. The principle is certainly a biblical one: "Train up a boy according to the way for him; even when he grows old he will not turn aside from it." (Proverbs 22:6) The modern word for it is indoctrination. Classic conditioning is usually done by pairing two stimuli, as in Pavlov’s experiments with dogs, and it comes in two flavours: carrot and stick. The reward is joining the choir invisiblewhen you die or attaining Nirvana or living forever on a paradise earth; the punishment is going to the big bad fire, missing out on the Rapture or coming back as a cockroach or something equally repugnant. Of course there are lots of wee rewards and punishments on the way (Freemasons have ninety different degrees from apprentice to grand master) but every creed has these two biggies: life vs. death. Some religions wave the big stick more than others but I don’t know of any faith that doesn’t use threats or promises to corral its members.

There have been many books written about people who have been brought up in a religion, sect or cult and then had difficulty leaving. We hear of people needing to be deprogrammed and the like and it all sounds very scary. We associate such stories with things like the Waco siege where some 72 members of the Branch Davidianreligious sect died in a fire; the mass suicide of 39 members of Heaven’s Gate, a UFO religion and the murders and suicides carried out by the Order of the Solar Temple. Surely there’s no comparison between these groups and an organisation with millions of members? There are over three million Moonies, seven million Jehovah’s Witnesses, anywhere from eight million to fifteen million Scientologists, fourteen million Mormons and sixteen million Seventh Day Adventists if you believe their press. Could we really say a film or a novel had a cult following if even three million people had seen or read it? The issue here is not to look for a label because the world’s major orthodox religions can be every bit as guilty as the newer ones when it comes to treating their members unfairly.

One of the first books I heard of which talked about how hard it can be to move on dates back to 1956: Thirty Years a Watchtower Slave. I doubt many will have heard of that but what about Oranges are Not the Only Fruit in which Jeanette Winterson presents a fictional accounts of her life among working-class evangelists in the North of England in the 1960's and the problems she faced when she realised she was gay? Steven Hassan discusses his time in the Unification Church in Combating Cult Mind Control and what about Nancy Many’s My Billion Year Contract, Memoir of a Former Scientologist? Sophia L. Stone’s Mormon Diaries joins the back of a long queue.

So what do you know about Mormonism? Before I sat down to read this book I made a list:

Mormons

That was my lot I’m afraid. My wife knew a few other things which I should have remembered (like not drinking tea or coffee) but she was no expert either.

One of the problems reading science fiction is the fact that the author often has to present and explain a completely different world to the one we live it. Lots of exposition ensures. Take a book like Dune with a least two hundred unique terms like Fremen, face dancers, gholas, the Imperium, melange, no-chambers, sandworms and thumpers. Or what about Nadsat, the fictional argot (that’s a secret language) used in A Clockwork Orange? That’s what reading Mormon Diaries feels like at times. I draw the comparison with science fiction deliberately because Mormonism will be, for the majority of us, an alien world involving testimonies, the baptism of the dead, endowments, exaltations, tithing, missions, polyandry, stakes, the restored gospel and various quorums. Even a simple word like ‘teacher’ means something different. From the book’s glossary:

Teacher: A fourteen or fifteen year old boy with the Aaronic Priesthood, capable of passing and preparing the sacrament, collecting fast offering, and home teaching.

parson-aaronic-priesthood-2_hrOf course we then need to understand what ‘Aaronic Priesthood’, ‘the sacrament’, ‘fast offerings’ and ‘home teaching’ mean and involve.

Sophia L. Stone was born to two Mormon parents. Unlike Roman Catholics and many orthodox religions Mormons do not practice infant baptism. Mormon baptisms take place only after an "age of accountability" which they set at eight years of age and involve complete immersion. Interestingly Mormon baptism does not purport to remit any sins other than personal ones, as they don’t believe in original sin. That, of course, is a major difference between them and most other Christian denominations. So it’s fair to say that Sophia was not born a Mormon but chose to become one of her own free will. Needless to say Mormons have their own idea what free will is.

Mormon Diaries charts, for want of a better expression, her rise and fall from grace. It begins with an eight-year-old Sophia preparing for her baptism:

My journey into Mormonism began at the age of eight after I’d emerged from the waters of baptism, peeled off my soaking wet clothes, dried my hair, changed into my dry Sunday dress, and plopped into a chair located in front of the baptismal font under the anticipatory gazes of family members, friends, and neighbours.

I bowed my head. A circle of men gathered around me. The bishop, my dad, and a number of my father’s friends stood so close as they put their hands on my head that it felt like being in a fort made of arms and shoulders and torsos. I felt small and important at once, eager to have The Gift of the Holy Ghost.

It was the moment I’d been waiting for. The monumental occasion when the bishop would call me by my full name, use the Priesthood to call upon the powers of heaven, and pour into my heart and mind a peacefulness akin to nothing I’d ever experienced before.

[…]

I’d wanted to feel the Holy Ghost pour into me so badly that I memorized every sound in the room: the buzzing of the lights, the ticking of the bishop’s watch, even the pregnant silence of those watching. I memorized the weight of the hands on my head, the lack of a draft as I sat in the blessing circle, the collective rise and fall of shoulders clad in blue and black suits as the bishop spoke. And so, when the prayer ended and I felt nothing but the air around me, I convinced myself I’d felt something the same way a child who believes in Santa runs through the house on Christmas Eve announcing they’ve seen flying reindeer.

I stood and said, “I feel it!”

But in the moments that followed, when people were shaking my hand and there was no time for confession, regret washed over me.

I had lied.

mormon-baptism1“No virtue ever was founded on a lie.” – Dinah Craik. I don’t know Sophia very well. She comes across as a virtuous person and that’s not surprising because she was brought up by two devout Mormons. She was taught to be modest, not to swear, to avoid silliness (and she admits to being a serious young girl even at eight), to respect her parents and not to tell fibs. When people say there’s good in all religions the fact is that that’s true. As I said I am the man I am today—the good bits and the bad—because of how I was bought up.

After her baptism and confirmation Sophia sat in Fast and Testimony Meeting along with others from her church:

Many of them told stories about their family, some recounted experiences when they’d felt the spirit. But when one man in particular spoke about my baptism and confirmation, saying how my countenance had glowed when I stood and said, “I feel it!” my stomach twisted with guilt.

“I didn’t really feel anything,” I whispered to my dad. “Should I go up and tell everyone the truth?”

I’d been taught all my life to be honest, and my impulse to go up to the pulpit and confess my sin was almost unbearable. I could, in fact, think of nothing more important than correcting the lie I’d told.

My father, however, knew people better than I did. He knew perfectly well what was appropriate in a Sunday service. He knew what I did not, that there’d been conflict amongst some in the congregation over what kinds of stories were appropriate to tell in church. So while I had no idea what was going through his mind at that moment, I’m sure what he said next was his way of looking out for me.

“Don’t do that, sweetheart. You wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s testimony.”

There is nothing in the book to say that this matter was discussed any further once they got home or in the days that followed. She was an official member of the LDS church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) and she fell into step. She rationalises away her doubts

Maybe God simply didn’t want me to feel his spirit pour into me, maybe he wanted me to live like I knew the church was true, act like I knew, talk like I knew, and continue to read the scriptures and pray until I finally did know.

and got on with the day-to-day business of being a Mormon which was not always so easy. For starters she went to a public school. I had expected her to talk about being ostracised or picked on because of her beliefs but it looks like her poor academic performance saved her from that and that was what the kids focused on:

I couldn’t get my homework done. Couldn’t remember half the stuff I read. Couldn’t pass a test to save my soul. And Mrs. Anderson took each failure personally, attributing my poor performance first to laziness and then to passive-aggressive defiance. The more I struggled to complete and turn in my homework, the more she tried to motivate me by taking away class recess time. Not just mine, but everyone else’s.

When I finally started completing assignments, my reputation was damaged beyond repair. My classmates had stuck a label on me that simply wouldn’t come off. I sat alone each afternoon in the cafeteria, kept my eyes perpetually down, and would sometimes cry as I walked home from school.

So what does she do? She immerses herself in her church activities. A journal entry from January 4th 1987 reads:

Today we went to church at 11:30 a.m. I went to my Merry Miss class and found out many wonderful things. We are going to try to do Faith in God Awards. You set a goal in a certain area. We do the goal for two months.

After you’re done, you get a necklace with the scriptures and the angel Moroni on them. It’s painted gold and comes in its own case. I’m so excited. I have so many wonderful things to be proud of, and one reason I think I’m able to do these things is because I probably earned them, because you earn happiness. And this is happiness.

Faith in God Award

Her story goes on through college and marriage and the birth of her four children. She was never in any doubt what the future held out for her:

My father had made my purpose clear at my baby blessing when he’d put his hands on my head and prayed I’d never choose a career over the important full-time work of nurturing my kids and future husband. I may have had no memory of that event, but I still knew the gist of what he’d said because it was written in my pale pink baby book mere pages from my name and date of birth: Sophia White, born April 30, 1976.

She has lived a regimented, rule-based life:

1. Thou shalt keep the Sabbath day holy.

2. Thou shalt not drink coffee or tea.

3. Thou shalt love God.

I have to ask: Since when was abstaining from caffeine more important than loving God which Jesus said was the greatest commandment?

4. Thou shalt read your scriptures daily.

5. Thou shalt give 10% of thy income to the church.

6. Thou shalt fast once a month.

Apart from the tea and coffee thing these are all the kind of things you might expect. But down the list (which contains sixty entries) there are a few that make one wonder a little:

29. Thou shalt do genealogy.

32. Thou shalt not wear flip flops to church.

36. Thou shalt avoid silliness and loud laughter.

55. Thou shalt not procrastinate.

57. Thou shalt go to the temple and perform baptisms for the dead.

but the two one needs to worry about are:

31. Thou shalt not criticize your leaders.

60. Thou shalt not doubt, ever.

And what happens if you do doubt?

If I’d openly spoken about my doubts to others, the bishop could have taken away my temple recommend, released me from my calling, and forbidden me from taking the sacrament of bread and water until my repentance was complete. He’d likely see his actions as a form of mercy. For no unclean thing can enter the presence of God. He might even see it as a way of protecting me, which would make total sense if my Heavenly Father valued worthiness above all else.

Witch-Endor-Blake-LHere’s a case in point: King Saul. Saul wasn’t a bad lad. When he was told that God has chosen him to be king he went away and hid. So this was a man handpicked by the sovereign of the universe and yet by the end of his forty year rule he was nothing less than an apostate: he’d instituted false worship, attempted murder, consulted with the witch of Endor and was generally stubborn and egotistical. Who says that leaders are beyond criticism?

As far as doubt goes we need look no further than poor old Doubting Thomas whom the Catholics have now venerated. Saint Thomas didn’t just doubt anyone either: he doubted the resurrected Messiah to his face. All the guy wanted was proof. He got his proof—thank you very much—and then he went right back to believing.

Doubt doesn’t come as easily as one might imagine. Belief is a habit—some might even go so far as to call it an addiction—and we all know how hard it can be giving up a habit. My father sucked on an empty pipe for years after he gave up smoking and even after the bowl got broken (probably by me—I was a destructive wee bugger from all accounts) he still sucked on the stem for a long while after that.

For the most part Sophia did not have any problems with her faith. She believed in God. She believed there could only be one true religion. She trusted her husband and the church leaders. And then something started bothering her: the role of women in the Christian congregation. At a Sunday School Class they decide to discuss Ephesians 5:22-24:

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. — Ephesians 5:22-24

“I prefer what they say in the temple, because the word ‘as’ has more than one meaning, and when we’re told to hearken to our husbands as he hearkens to the Lord, I take that to mean I’m only under covenant to follow my husband when he follows God.”

“So you’re his judge,” my Sunday School teacher said. Well, now he’d twisted my words around to make my interpretation sound unfair.

“No, I don’t think ‘judge’ is the right label. Let’s say a woman has a husband who hits her. I think it’s safe to say he’s not harkening unto the Lord and that the wife is no longer under any obligation to be submissive to her husband.”

“So you’re his judge,” the teacher repeated.

I knew a losing battle when I saw one. “It’s the responsibility of every self-respecting woman to judge her husband,” I quipped.

A few people laughed, and the woman behind me poked me in the shoulder and gave me two thumbs up. I allowed myself to feel optimistic about where the lesson was going.

That was my first mistake.

For the next twenty minutes, I listened to the teacher explain how a man is more likely to treat his wife with respect and love when he understands that the temple covenants essentially make him a God to his wife.

Of course this is all nothing new to me. My dad declaimed on more than one occasion, “In this house I am God.” This, however, is the thin edge of the wedge for Sophia and over the next few chapters we witness her slowly losing her faith. Not, I should make clear, her belief in God but her belief in Mormonism. And you can only imagine the trouble that causes when that finally became public knowledge. Or perhaps you can’t. I honestly expect that most people will have no idea what Sophia was going to have to go through. And that’s why books like this are necessary.

It’s not the longest or most in-depth book you will read on this subject. It’s obviously written by a nice lady who really doesn’t want to hurt, upset or offend anyone and yet in all good conscience can’t stay silent. She even uses a pseudonym so as not to do anything that might damage her family. She’s not an angry, bitter or vindictive person. She says:

On my bad days, I feel more disappointment than anger. Mostly because I believed with all my heart the promises found in Mormonism. I thought I was happier than other people, that I had greater access to spirituality, that I knew my most important and fulfilling role. I believed I had divine knowledge and purpose. Now I’ve found that many of these promises are smoke and mirrors.

And I’m further disheartened when I see religion hurt families. You’d think a family centred church would shout from the rooftops not to shun family members who’ve fallen away. You’d think they’d allow non-believing parents to see their believing kids get married in the temple. You’d think they’d support all different kinds of families, not just those that meet one definition. But all too often an ideal is promoted that benefits the church over families that are struggling. “Traditional gender roles” and “conservative family values” are taught as religious principles.

I asked her who this book was aimed at.

Anyone who wants to better understand how religions indoctrinate children, how they can unite and separate families, how they can bring peace and turmoil at the same time. Anyone who wants a more personal understanding of how it feels to grow up in a legalistic religion that values trust and obedience more highly than free thought, or anyone who wants to understand Mormonism.

Please don’t misread that to mean my book is factually perfect. It’s not. It is based on my experience, and everyone’s reality is different. But I stand by my claim that people who leave Mormonism are often in an isolating place. It’s hard for an orthodox believer to understand why anyone would leave. It’s hard for those who’ve never been in a fundamentalist religion to understand why leaving one is such a big deal. To both these groups, I’d say, “Please read this!” Understanding is vital.

I don’t think anyone who has not been brought up in a fundamentalist organisation—be it a religion, a cult, a sect or even a political party—will in fact understand. You can’t possibly understand unless you’ve been there. I read recently someone’s opinion “that Mormonism isn’t just a religion, it’s a culture.” I think that’s well put. Imagine packing your bags and leaving for India or China or Mars. Imagine the culture shock. The same article goes on:

As members of the LDS church take their first steps into traditional, Biblical Christianity, they are often accosted by sights, sounds, and Stranger in a Strange Landphilosophies which (at times) differ greatly from those with which they are familiar.  Wading through the positive and negative aspects of LDS culture and its relationship to the Truth frequently leaves these new believers feeling as though they are “immigrants in a foreign land”.

Or as Heinlein (and the King James Version) might put it: strangers in a strange land.

Most people I associate with these days haven’t the slightest interest in religion. Many, like me, had religious upbringings and yet even in their fifties, sixties and seventies cannot shake off completely what they were taught as children. ‘Sophia’ will never be free. Not even if she moves to Mars.

The Great Gatsby

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Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them – William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night




Modern Library lists The Great Gatsby as the second-best English-language novel of the twentieth century, being pipped to the post by Ulysses in case you wondered. In its European equivalent, Le Monde's 100 Books of the Century, the book only comes in it at No. 46; Steinbeck’sThe Grapes of Wrath (which reaches the dizzying heights of No. 7) being the top-ranking English-language novel. Coincidentally, both Steinbeck’s novel and Fitzgerald’s are books that have at one time or other—and continue to be—referred to as examples of the “Great American Novel.”The Great Gatsby has been adapted for the cinema four times (with a fifth due out in 2013) but, of course, that pales into insignificance when compared to Jane Eyre’stwenty-one times. Leonardo DiCaprio will be playing the title role of Jay Gatsby (you can see the trailer here) and I’m sure he’ll do a good job but he’s no Robert Redford (you can see the trailer for the 1974 adaptation here) although I’m not sure either was or will be Jay Gatsby.

3 coversThe book has also been given a makeover by Alma Classics (the new name of Oneworld Classics)—“[t]he spelling and punctuation have been anglicised, standardised, modernised and made consistent throughout.” They offered me my pick of all four of Fitzgerald’s novels which they have just reissued with rather lovely foil embossed covers, French flaps and extensive notes. Needless to say I plumped for the shortest but mainly because of its reputation and the fact I’d never read anything by him so that seemed like the place to start. Coincidentally I’d never seen any of the film adaptations either, not even the TV adaptation from 2000 which starred Toby Stephens who—small world—has also played Edward Rochester in another TV adaptation of Jane Eyre.

I had no expectations. I didn’t even know it was a love story. Which it is. Of sorts.

In her book Pseudoautobiography and Personal Metaphor Millicent Bell writes: "All fiction is autobiography, no matter how remote from the author's experience the tale seems to be." I don’t see how F. Scott Fitzgerald could argue with that and it’s obvious that he was drawing from personal experiences when he laid out this tale. Where it is more than simply a rehashing of past events is where Fitzgerald chooses to change history and look at how things might have panned out if his life had taken a different course. Neither Gatsby nor Fitzgerald had the best start in life; they both fail to do well academically, although when they enlist towards the end of World War I they move up in the ranks quickly enough; they struggle to make much of themselves when demobbed and because of this they each fail to win the hand of the woman they love. The difference is that Zelda waited for Fitzgerald to find his feet; Daisy does not and opts to marry the rich Tom Buchanan instead. So in The Great Gatsby we are faced with a what-if scenario.

Of course the great thing about novels from an autobiographical point of view is that you can divvy yourself up between the characters. The novel’s narrator, Nick Carraway, is a young man from Minnesota who, after being educated at Yale and fighting in World War I, goes to New York City to learn the bond business. Fitzgerald was born in Minnesota, spent his early years in New York, was educated at Princeton, fought in the war and worked for a spell in advertising.

So who exactly is this Gatsby? That is a very good question and Fitzgerald is in no rush to tell us. Everyone has their opinion, though. What is not in doubt is that he lives in a massive house—“a factual imitation of some Hôtel de Ville in Normandy”—in West Egg (in reality the Village of Kings Point, Great Neck, Long Island) which is the poor cousin to East Egg across the bay (the next peninsula over on Long Island Sound) where all the really posh people live. Gatsby is not posh. He is rich but those who live in East Egg come from old money and there’s the difference. Gatsby is a parvenu and where was a fast buck to be made between 1920 and 1933? Bootlegging and racketeering amongst other things. Not that he is in a rush to open up to anyone and we never do know for sure what businesses he has been in. We do know that he regularly hosts lavish parties which are attended by anyone who chooses to turn up with a mind to having a good time

        People were not invited—they went there. They got into automobiles which bore them out to Long Island and somehow they ended up at Gatsby’s door. Once there they were introduced by somebody who knew Gatsby and after that they conducted themselves according to the rules of behaviour associated with amusement parks. Sometimes they came and went without having met Gatsby at all, came for the party with a simplicity of heart that was its own ticket of admission.

but he’s rarely seen at any of these which leads to speculation:

        ‘Well, they say he’s a nephew or a cousin of Kaiser Wilhelm’s. That’s where all his money comes from.’

        […]

        Somebody told me they thought he killed a man once.’
        A thrill passed over all of us. The three Mr. Mumbles bent forward and listened eagerly.
        ‘I don’t think it’s so much THAT,’ argued Lucille sceptically; ‘it’s more that he was a German spy during the war.’
        One of the men nodded in confirmation.
        ‘I heard that from a man who knew all about him, grew up with him in Germany,’ he assured us positively.
        ‘Oh, no,’ said the first girl, ‘it couldn’t be that, because he was in the American army during the war.’ As our credulity switched back to her she leaned forward with enthusiasm.
        ‘You look at him sometimes when he thinks nobody’s looking at him. I’ll bet he killed a man.’

The book is written from Carraway’s perspective two years after the events in the novel. So he’s had time to reflect on those events and weigh his words carefully. Eventually he gets to learn much of the truth but not all and certainly not from Gatsby whose fabrications have taken on a life of their own. Looking back Carraway has this to say about Gatsby:

        Conduct may be founded on the hard rock or the wet marshes but after a certain point I don’t care what it’s founded on. When I came back from the East last autumn I felt that I wanted the world to be in uniform and at a sort of moral attention forever; I wanted no more riotous excursions with privileged glimpses into the human heart. Only Gatsby, the man who gives his name to this book, was exempt from my reaction—Gatsby who represented 2012 postereverything for which I have an unaffected scorn. If personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures, then there was something gorgeous about him, some heightened sensitivity to the promises of life, as if he were related to one of those intricate machines that register earthquakes ten thousand miles away. This responsiveness had nothing to do with that flabby impressionability which is dignified under the name of the ‘creative temperament’— it was an extraordinary gift for hope, a romantic readiness such as I have never found in any other person and which it is not likely I shall ever find again. No—Gatsby turned out all right at the end; it is what preyed on Gatsby, what foul dust floated in the wake of his dreams that temporarily closed out my interest in the abortive sorrows and short-winded elations of men.

It is a paragraph that bears rereading since by the time the book has ended Carraway certainly seems to be Gatsby’s only true friend. As long as he’s been around to fund their indulgences everyone was interested in being Gatsby’s friend even if he wasn’t much interested in being seen with his newfound (and fair weather) friends. Caraway, unlike his neighbours, doesn’t crash any of Gatsby’s parties. Intrigued as he is with the man, he waits until he is invited. But meeting him does little to assuage his curiosity; if anything the reverse is true: the man is an enigma but only up to a point; spend enough time in his company (which Carraway begins to) and the cracks in his character start to appear. As Jim says to Huckleberry Finn: "It's too good for true, honey, it's too good for true." Everyone has a skeleton or two in their cupboard.

The snob in Nick Carraway looks down on Gatsby which is ironic because he’s renting a place—“a weather beaten cardboard bungalow” he calls it—for eighty bucks a month whilst surrounded on all sides by millionaires and yet his final words with Gatsby are, “You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.” Why? Because “[t]hey’re a rotten crowd.” They may have what all of Gatsby’s money could never buy him—I suppose the word for that would be ‘class’ or ‘taste’—but they are remote and out of touch with their humanity.

I said before that everyone was interested in being Gatsby’s friend. That’s not strictly true. The more reserved East Eggers keep their distance. Both suburbs are inhabited by wealthy people but when money levels the playing field people will always find some way to try to differentiate themselves from their peers. Gatsby still has to work to maintain his lifestyle—he’s always taking phone calls concerning business—whereas others, like Carraway’s second cousin Daisy, and her husband Tom (who Nick had known from college), do not. They currently live in East Egg.

        Why they came east I don’t know. They had spent a year in France, for no particular reason, and then drifted here and there unrestfully wherever people played polo and were rich together. This was a permanent move, said Daisy over the telephone, but I didn’t believe it—I had no sight into Daisy’s heart but I felt that Tom would drift on forever seeking a little wistfully for the dramatic turbulence of some irrecoverable football game.

They are also why Gatsby is here. Or rather she is why Gatsby is here. He has followed her like a lovesick puppy dog. You see, Daisy and Gatsby have met before. In fact they fell in love. Her friend and bridesmaid, Jordan, tells Carraway:

        That was nineteen-seventeen. By the next year I had a few beaux myself, and I began to play in tournaments, so I didn’t see Daisy very often. She went with a slightly older crowd—when she went with anyone at all. Wild rumours were circulating about her—how her mother had found her packing her bag one winter night to go to New York and say goodbye to a soldier who was going overseas. She was effectually prevented, but she wasn’t on speaking terms with her family for several weeks. After that she didn’t play around with the soldiers any more but only with a few flat-footed, short-sighted young men in town who couldn’t get into the army at all.
        By the next autumn she was gay again, gay as ever. She had a debut after the Armistice, and in February she was presumably engaged to a man from New Orleans. In June she married Tom Buchanan of Chicago with more pomp and circumstance than Louisville ever knew before.

In time we discover that the soldier she had been involved with had been Gatsby. What we don’t realise is that he had fabricated the identity of Jay Gatsby along with a suitable past and that really he had nothing to offer her bar love and in Daisy’s world money trumps love every time. To have a fighting chance of winning her back Gatsby needs to rid himself of his one handicap—poverty—by fair means or foul. 51RWRLE3spL__SX500_Now having done so he is hesitant and befriends Carraway as a means of easing his way back into her life. That an actual friendship develops, albeit a slightly awkward one, is not so surprising because Carraway can empathise with Gatsby’s predicament. He develops a relationship with Jordan Baker but he has no money and poor prospects so what chance does he stand with her?

The actual storyline that runs through the centre of The Great Gatsby is not a very complex one. It feels more involved than what it is because of the order in which Fitzgerald presents his facts. Told chronologically this would be nowhere near as compelling. The only thing that remains to be answered is: Will Gatsby be successful in winning Daisy over? Well, once we learn a bit about Tom Buchanan it looks like all he needs to do is pop the question and Daisy will run away with him without a backwards glance. At one point Daisy describes her husband as follows:

A brute of a man, a great big hulking physical specimen of a—‘

She never gets to finish her sentence. Shortly after this heated exchange with Tom he leaves the dinner table to answer a phone call. It is from “some woman in New York” he’s having an affair with. At least that’s how Jordan describes her. She’s half-right. The woman, Myrtle Wilson, is actually married to a local garage owner George Wilson who lives halfway between West Egg and New York. Daisy knows. Not the specifics. But enough. So, as I’ve said, Gatsby really doesn’t have his work cut out for him. What could possibly go wrong? Well if the point to all this was just getting his hands on the woman but it’s not and this is something Gatsby reveals unwittingly to Carraway:

        He wanted nothing less of Daisy than that she should go to Tom and say: ‘I never loved you.’ After she had obliterated three years with that sentence they could decide upon the more practical measures to be taken. One of them was that, after she was free, they were to go back to Louisville and be married from her house—just as if it were five years ago.
        ‘And she doesn’t understand,’ he said. ‘She used to be able to understand. We’d sit for hours—’
       He broke off and began to walk up and down a desolate path of fruit rinds and discarded favours and crushed flowers.
        ‘I wouldn’t ask too much of her,’ I ventured. ‘You can’t repeat the past.’
        ‘Can’t repeat the past?’ he cried incredulously. ‘Why of course you can!’
       He looked around him wildly, as if the past were lurking here in the shadow of his house, just out of reach of his hand.
        ‘I’m going to fix everything just the way it was before,’ he said, nodding determinedly. ‘She’ll see.’
He talked a lot about the past and I gathered that he wanted to recover something, some idea of himself, perhaps, that had gone into loving Daisy. His life had been confused and disordered since then, but if he could once return to a certain starting place and go over it all slowly, he could find out what that thing was….

Gatsby thinks it’s the girl he wants. It’s not. It’s what he lost when she went off with Tom. And, of course, that can never be recaptured. In some respects Gatsby is living the American dream but he’s still dreaming.

francis_ford_coppolaAfter I finished the book I located a copy of the 1974 adaptation and watched it. There is a lot good about it. Francis Ford Coppola, who wrote the screenplay which is very faithful to the novel and uses chunks of dialogue straight off the page, lived in "West Egg," aka Great Neck, former home of Fitzgerald, at the time of writing the screenplay. He was a fan but just because you get a great writer who understands and believes in the material doesn’t mean the thing is going to work on the screen. Just look at Watchmen. Could you get a more faithful adaptation? But it’s missing something. And so is this film. Coppola apparently disowned his screenplay when he saw the film, because he felt the movie adaptation ruined his work. So the problem has to be with direction and casting. Well, yes, but there is one other issue: symbolism. The Great Gatsby is a highly symbolic work. There are loads of sites devoted to its symbolism alone. Two of the most important ones are made clear in this adaptation: the green light across the bay and the billboard of T.J. Eckelburg.

When Carraway sees Gatsby for the first time they are standing outside at night and Gatsby is looking out across the bay:

I didn’t call to him for he gave a sudden intimation that he was content to be alone—he stretched out his arms toward the dark water in a curious way, and far as I was from him I could have sworn he was trembling. Involuntarily I glanced seaward—and distinguished nothing except a single green light, minute and far away, that might have been the end of a dock.

Only on the last page of the book do we get Fitzgerald’s explanation for what the light represents:

Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter – to-morrow we will run farther, stretch out our arms farther….

Redford does reach out and try and grasp something intangible but had I not read the book I would have wondered what he was doing. It looked, frankly, a bit silly and exaggerated, the kind of thing a silent actor would have done. The word ‘orgastic’ was coined by Fitzgerald, by the way. It is most likely a cross between ‘orgasmic’ and ‘orgiastic’, although it is certainly left open to interpretation.

Now to the billboard:

[A]bove the grey land and the spasms of bleak dust which drift endlessly over it, you perceive, after a moment, the eyes of Doctor T.J. Eckleburg. The eyes of Doctor T.J. Eckleburg are blue and gigantic—their retinas are one yard high. They look out of no face but, instead, from a pair of enormous yellow spectacles which pass over a nonexistent nose … But his eyes, dimmed a little by many paintless days under sun and rain, brood on over the solemn dumping ground.

GreatGatsby_046Pyxurz

The billboard I did like; I had not fully appreciated its significance when reading the book. It reminded me of the images of Big Brother in Nineteen Eighty-Four. But this is not a totalitarian state. This is a capitalist country, the most capitalist of countries. So who is overseeing all of this? Not God surely? Or maybe. When George takes Myrtle to the window and tells her she can’t fool God he’s using the billboard as a visual metaphor. There is no Big Brother—merely a poster—and there is no God—merely a poster. God has abandoned America to its own devices. The billboard—a symbol perhaps of America’s abandoned spirituality—stands neglected staring out over and equally neglected landscape, what Fitzgerald describes as a “valley of ashes” which it is, literally, but also metaphorically. What is noteworthy about George Wilson is that he doesn’t attend church—not since his marriage there—and yet he still has a fundamental belief in a higher power.

These are just two of the images. There are others; colours in particular (yellow and especially gold, green, white and grey). Rarely is Fitzgerald only saying the one thing. This is a book about the American Dream. We all know what people mean when they talk about it but it’s really very badly named when you think about what dreams are like. Gatsby is chasing something intangible, trying to grasp light particles in his hand. At his core he really is a terribly naïve man. Of course neither Daisy nor Tom is happy either; they’re—to paraphrase Huxley—overcompensating for misery. As long as they’re having fun they don’t have to think about whether they’re truly happy or not.

Of course I’ve not told you how the book ends. You’ll have guessed that it’s unhappily—that’s a foregone conclusion I’m afraid—but the ending was a brilliant choice by Fitzgerald. It’s hard really sitting here trying to review a book that is considered by many to be the greatest American novel ever written. Of course it’s worth reading. But I knew from the first couple of pages that this was a superior piece of work. It manages what many literary novels fail to achieve, it’s also a damn good read.

The book is out of copyright and you can download a copy now if you just want the text. That’s not why anyone would buy this book from Alma. They’ll be buying it because it looks nice in fact these four novels would be a lovely present for anyone who appreciates good literature.

Am I an antipoet?

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The true poet is willing to give up poetry in order to find poetryHenry Rago

STOP RACKING YOUR BRAINS
nobody reads poetry nowadays
it doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad

– Nicanor Parra[1]



A friend of mine made this comment a while back: “Your writing is very much part of the 'anti-poetry' tradition, as is Larkin's.” She meant no harm by it—I have no problem being compared to Larkin—and I’m pretty sure I know what she meant when she used the term ‘anti-poetry’ but it started me thinking and you know what happens when I start thinking. Antipoetry: the obvious meaning is ‘against poetry’ or poetry haters (mysomousoi as they were known at the time of the English Renaissance) but that’s not what antipoetry is really about.

In his book, Toward an Image of Latin American Poetry, Octavio Armand writes: “Every poet is an antipoet. The reverse is not always true.”[2] One way of looking at a statement like that is to say that all poets can write prose but not all prosers can write poetry—something I tend to agree with—but the relationship between prose and poetry is not a simple either/or situation. And what about antipoetry? Is antipoetry simply chopped-up prose or is there something in between?

Arguably the world’s best known antipoet is the Chilean, Nicanor Parra, who, at the end of 2011 was awarded Spain’s Cervantes Prize (considered the Spanish-speaking world’s highest literary honour) which comes with a cash sum of €125,000 so no small honour. He’s also been nominated several times for the Nobel Prize. He’s 97 now but his name became forever bound to the notion of antipoetry when, in 1954, he published Poemas y Antipoemas (Poems and Antipoems). He did not coin the term however.

The foundation of the antipoetry movement (if indeed such a thing exists nowadays) lies with another Chilean poet, Vicente García-Huidobro Fernández, but known as Vicente Huidobro. He was a Creationist, in fact he founded the movement. Creationism held that a poet should bring life to the things he or she writes about, rather than simply describe them. Huidobro saw a poem as a truly new thing, created by the author for the sake of itself—that is, not to praise another thing, not to please the reader, not even to be understood by its own author. He defined himself as an "antipoet and magician" and decreed in his “Manifesto Perhaps” that “THE GREAT DANGER TO THE POEM IS THE POETIC,” that to “add poetry to what has it already without you” is to pour honey on honey, “it’s sickening.”[3] Well said that man. He was not the first Latin American antipoet however. The Peruvian Ultraist poet Enrique Bustamente Ballivan had already published a book called Antipoemas in 1926 of which I can find next to nothing online other than it’s supposed to be worth reading.

In an interview in 1938, Huidobro proclaimed that “[m]odern poetry begins with me.”[4] A similar claim was made by Parra in 1962 when he declared, “Poetry ended with me.”[5] I have little doubt that there’s a long queue forming after them who would want to make similar hyperbolic claims although I’m certainly not one of them. Both poets were very clearly aware of what had passed for poetry before them and were keen to draw a line under it but let’s face it that happens every generation anyway.

If you were to ask someone to name a famous Chilean poet from this time neither of these names will probably top the poll; that honour is most likely to go to Pablo Neruda who, incidentally, did win the Novel Prize in 1971. Neruda’s poems are often passionate odes to love and nature, verbose and adjectival in approach featuring a cornucopia of nature-derived imagery. (He’s not a poet I know well so I’m basing this on what I’ve read about him online.) A brief example:


In Praise of Ironing

Poetry is pure white.
It emerges from water covered with drops,
is wrinkled, all in a heap.
It has to be spread out, the skin of this planet,
has to be ironed out, the sea’s whiteness;
and the hands keep moving, moving,
the holy surfaces are smoothed out,
and that is how things are accomplished.
Every day, hands are creating the world,
fire is married to steel,
and canvas, linen, and cotton come back
from the skirmishings of the laundries,
and out of light a dove is born—
pure innocence returns out of the swirl.

(translated Alastair Reid)

nicanor-parraParra, like Philip Larkin, chose to formulate his poetry using vernacular, unrhetorical, direct language. Parra, it should be noted, was a careful reader of British poetry particularly T S Eliot. Larkin himself also acknowledges Eliot as a major influence upon his making as a poet. An odd hero I’ve often thought as Eliot’s work has always been beyond me; too clever for its own good. Parra sought to demystify poetry and make it accessible to a wider audience. Although others are quick to point out the differences between the two men, Parra himself had this to say:

Not one day goes by without my thinking of him at least once. I read him attentively, I follow with increasing amazement his yearly displacement along the Zodiac, I analyze him and compare him with himself. I try to learn whatever I can.[6]

Admiring someone and seeking to emulate him or her is something else. I think it’s fair enough to talk about Eliot as a “poet’s poet.”[7] Larkin and Parra were never aiming that high; they were content to be the people’s poet and both achieved that in their respective countries.

Oftentimes Larkin’s poetry comes across as if it has had all the poeticness stripped out of it and if it didn’t include rhymes at the end of the lines and be left-indented you might be forgiven for thinking that it was, in fact, chopped-up prose. An interesting point though is made by Ryan Hibbert in his book, Proving Poetry: Ted Hughes and Philip Larkin, Now:

[A] literary text can sound like ordinary speech, but it never is ordinary speech, which it ultimately defines itself against; the “common” speech in Larkin’s poetry assumes … “a special character” it otherwise lacks. Swearing, for example, takes on the special character of a poet swearing, or swearing in a poem—an extended meaning it lacks in everyday conversation.[8]

The poem of his that I always return to—it’s my perfect poem—is ‘Mr Bleaney’ and the perfect synthesis between ‘poetry’ and ‘non-poetry’. Whether it can be classified as ‘antipoetry’ is another matter (I’ll come back to that) but you can find a detailed consideration of the poem beginning on page 60 of Hibbert’s book.

Of the two—I’m comparing Parra and Huidobro here—I relate more to Parra in his approach to poetry. He reminds me of William Carlos Williams (who compared a poem to a machine) when he wrote in his Manifesto that a poet is not an alchemist (or a magician) but a man like any other, a carpenter who constructs walls, doors, and windows, and the poet’s job is? In 'Letters from a poet who sleeps in a chair' he says:


V

Young poets
Write as you will
In whatever style you like
Too much blood has run under the bridge
To go on believing
That only one road is right.

In poetry everything is permitted.

With only this condition of course,
You have to improve the blank page.

(translated by Miller Williams)

Later he says it a little differently:


XIII

The poet's job is
To improve on the blank page
I don’t think that’s possible.

(translated by David Unger)

(Shades of Beckett there too.) What this brings to my mind is a distinction between two kinds of poetry: nature poetry (in the broadest sense, not just poems about brooks and daffodils) and urban poetry (again taking a broad brush approach to the term). Two words that frequently come up when people write about antipoetry are ‘urban’ and ‘colloquial’, colloquial speech as opposed to the refined language normally associated with poetry. Colloquialisms are sometimes referred to collectively as "youknowhatitis language" but, as William McIlvanney has pointed out, the language of the common people is saturated with metaphors and is far from unpoetic without ever appearing pretentious.

In The Antipoetry of Nicanor Parra, Edith Grossman details three objectives of “the theoretical course” that Parra “set for himself after the publication of his Cancionero sin Nombre.” The first objective was to free poetry from the domination of the metaphor, which he terms “the abuse of earlier poetic language.” His antipoetry, understood as a liberation from what he termed an “abusive” style, would rather avoid such “poetic” language in favour of direct communication with the reader. Second, antipoetry should “depend on the commonplace in all its ramifications, that it decisively reject the rarefied and the exotic, both thematically and linguistically.” By this, Grossman elucidates, Parra meant that “the language of literature must be no different from the language of the collectivity . . . language reflects the life of the people. . . “Third, Parra has reaffirmed that his writing was leading directly to a “purely national expression” because the poet cannot remove himself from the community, the tribe. Thus the poet “should use colloquialisms peculiar to his own country, even if readers from other areas find them difficult to understand.”[9] (bold emphasis mine)

Pablo García writes of the movement in Chile: “…our motto was war on the metaphor, death to the image; long live the concrete fact and clarity.”[10]

Parra expressed his intention for antipoetry most clearly in his poem ‘Manifesto’ contained in his 1972 collection Emergency Poems:

Ladies and gentlemen
is our final word
– Our first and final word – 
The poets have come down from Olympus
For the old folks
Poetry was a luxury item
But for us
It’s an absolute necessity
We couldn’t live without poetry.

Through the course of this poem he condemns a variety of styles of poetry:

We repudiate
The poetry of dark glasses
The poetry of the cape and sword
The poetry of the plumed hat
We propose instead
The poetry of the naked eye
The poetry of the hairy chest
The poetry of the bare head.
We don’t believe in nymphs or tritons.
Poetry has to be this:
A girl in a wheatfield –
Or it’s absolutely nothing.

LarkinMany have struggled to come up with a definition of poetry that we in the 21st century are comfortable with. Form used to be the crucial thing but now that just about everyone is writing free verse we have to dig a little deeper. At its core I believe all poetry is metaphorical even if not a single metaphor or simile is used; very few poems are ever taken just literally. Even a straightforward poem like ‘Mr Bleaney’ which describes a man agreeing to rent a room in essence doesn’t stop there; it takes us to the cliff’s edge and leaves us there. Poetry is all around us. Football commentators describe the technical skill of players as “pure poetry”. Here’s a sentence from an article about children:

[S]eeing her laugh and suck on those fat little fingers…that was pure poetry, if it ever existed.

From a comment talking about a blog post about rescuing horses:

Joe, that was pure poetry.

From a poem about canoeing:


It was pure poetry
when you were
a lone traveller
in your canoe and
suddenly the sky
darkened by a flock
of migrating birds.

There used to be a time when some subjects were considered verboten. But then there was a time where women didn’t show their ankles in public. It’s just a matter of readjusting how you see things to realise that what you’re perceiving is poetry. It’s like music. I’m quite sure that most Baroque composers would cover their ears if they were exposed to some of the stuff that twentieth century turned out and called ‘music’ but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t music. And the same goes for what poets like Parra call ‘antipoetry’—the term is misleading because his antipoems are not against Poetry but a response to a certain kind of poetry. His poetry is antiheroic, it eschews high rhetoric and elevated language but it is still poetry.

In his thesis Notes on Insufficient Laughter Ronn David Silverstein writes:

Antipoetry is flat, understated; and relaxed; antipoetry “returns poetry,” as Parra says, “to its roots;” antipoetry is honest, unadorned, unlyrical, nonsymbolist; in antipoetry what you see is what you see; antipoetry is chiselled, solid. Antipoetry dispenses with stock poetical devices; instead, it offers dark humour, disjointed logic, flatness of tone and directness of statement.

He contrasts these to “the ‘deep image poem’ (which is hyperbolic and associative in its images) […] a phrase coined by Robert Kelly in the 1940s to describe what Robert Bly was doing through his Fifties Press, namely, his translations of the Spanish poets: Lorca, Jiménez, Vallejo and others.” (You can read a long article about deep image poetry here.) What is interesting is that Bly openly criticised Pound’sImagist movement describing it as “Picturism. An image and a picture differ in that the image, being the natural speech of the imagination, cannot be drawn from or inserted back into the real world.”[11]

In his book Leaping Poetry Bly explains his concept of the deep image. He says that the deep image concerns itself with a central image that “should exist at the centre of the poem and sprout from the unconscious mind, uniting the known world, i.e. the poem’s content, with the unknown world, i.e. the poem’s language, by the act, on the poet’s part, of creative fusion.” In the poem ‘Driving Toward the Lac Qui Parle River’ this leap occurs in the final stanza and I find myself thinking about the closing image to ‘Mr Bleaney’ and wonder just how well it fits the criterion:


But if he stood and watched the frigid wind
Tousling the clouds, lay on the fusty bed
Telling himself that this was home, and grinned,
And shivered, without shaking off the dread

That how we live measures our own nature,
And at his age having no more to show
Than one hired box should make him pretty sure
He warranted no better, I don't know.

Is it an intellectual image, a room imagined as a coffin? Does that fear sprout from the conscious or the unconscious mind? I’m not going to labour the point but it’s something to think about.

williamcarloswilliamsAfter I left school and started to examine poets that weren’t on the curriculum (and hence not British) I quickly discovered another who spoke my tongue: William Carlos Williams. Wallace Stevens considered his work “anti-poetic,”[12] (describing "the real" instead of "the sentimental") while H.D. found him “commonplace, common and banal.” I found his work pure, like the music of Pärt, stripped down to its essentials. But it was most definitely poetry. And yet I find that Williams is another poet whose work often gets referred to as antipoetry; Dave Oliphant has written an entire book comparing his work to Parra’s. The most obvious comparison is their insistence on working with normal speech:

His late development of ‘the variable foot’ allowed him to be discursive without abandoning the cadence and rapidity of natural speech. The order of speech, of prose statement, has replaced a repetitive, metronomic pattern, as the expected element in Williams' line. By and large, the line units are dictated by speech, but they have a flexibility and offer a range of possible discovery far exceeding those of traditional meter. Looking for criteria to judge ‘the variable foot’ we may suggest: (a) is it natural, true to speech? (b) are the variations vital and interesting? For Williams the anti-poetic would be aping of traditional literary forms or copying the speech and/or measure of others.[13]

What Stevens wrote in the introduction to Williams's Collected Poems 1921-1931 was this:

His passion for the anti-poetic is a blood passion and not a passion of the inkpot. The anti-poetic is his spirit's cure. He needs it as a naked man needs shelter or as an animal needs salt. To a man with a sentimental side the anti-poetic is that truth, that reality to which all of us are forever fleeing.

And this is how Williams responded:

I was pleased when Wallace Stevens agreed to write the Preface but nettled when I read the part where he said I was interested in the anti-poetic. I had never thought consciously of such a thing. As a poet I was using a means of getting an effect. It's all one to me—the anti-poetic is not something to enhance the poetic—it's all one piece. I didn't agree with Stevens that it was a conscious means I was using. I have never been satisfied that the anti-poetic had any validity or even existed.[14]

As the book was published in 1934 I think it can be taken as read that Stevens is not referencing Huidobro and that he is attempting his own definition of antipoetry. Williams is not an antipoet—he had very clear ideas on what a poem should be and be about—but he is an anti-traditionalist and that’s where much of the common ground lies when you compare him to Parra.

What I find noteworthy is that, in a letter to William Rose Benét written in 1939, Stevens mentions that his favourite poem (of his own) was ‘The Emperor of Ice-Cream’ because it wore “a deliberately commonplace costume, and yet seems to me to contain something of the essential gaudiness of poetry”[15] and a few days later he clarified this when he said, “This represented what was in my mind at the moment, with the least possible manipulation.”[16] Five months later he admits that “[t]he poem is obviously not about ice cream, but about being as distinguished from seeming to be.”[17]

My gut feeling is that when he made his comments concerning Williams he simply hadn’t spent enough times with the poems because so many of his poems (Williams’, I mean) can seem superficial until you’ve lived with them for a while. Just look at the amount of stuff that’s been written about ‘The Red Wheelbarrow’ for instance. Williams and Stevens “were like brothers who might break up a fight to unite in the face of a bully.”[18] One such “bully”, interestingly enough, was T S Eliot:

Williams felt the pressure of a poetic contest with T S Eliot, whom he considered a deadly threat to everything he stood for. Stevens also opposed himself to Eliot. He wrote, “Eliot and I are dead opposites and I have been doing about everything that he would not be likely to do.”[19]

As I’ve mentioned already Parra and Larkin were also reading Eliot and no doubt their choice of direction was a reaction to what they read even if they weren’t so vocal about it.

Larkin was anti- lots of things—anti-sentimental, anti-romantic, anti-life even—but I’m not so sure he would have appreciated being called antipoetic. His early work shows his influences—Yeats in particular, and later of Hardy—but on the whole his technique is nothing revolutionary; his subject matter, however, is. And that’s where he and Parra would find themselves nodding in agreement. The aim of his poetry, he suggested, was to give the impression of "a chap chatting to chaps."[20] I think that was what first struck me about him: I didn’t feel I was being talked down to. Years later, in ‘The Journey Back,’ the opening poem of his 1991 collection Seeing Things, Heaney would describe him as “[a] nine-to-five man who had seen poetry.” I think that would be a fair description of William Carlos Williams and myself too; not sure about Parra—do theoretical physicists work nine to five?

What do they mean when they talk about a flat style of poetry? Surely all poetry is flat. (Yes, I’m being facetious.) What’s the opposite of ‘heightened’ language? One would imagine whatever the lingua franca of the day is. We don’t like ornate furniture these days or fancy flock wallpaper and I doubt if any songs in the charts have very many trills or appoggiatura in them (they’re the twiddley bits Baroque composers were so fond of). We like monochromes and straight edges. And the same goes for our poetry. The problem is when you’re used to buying your furniture from Ikea and having your songs written by Stock, Aitken and Waterman (or whoever their 21st century equivalents are) then you stop appreciating handmade furniture and singer songwriters. (Again, I’m being facetious.) A friend of my dad’s once told me, “Jimmy, there aren’t any engineers anymore, just fitters.” And he’s right. You take your car in to get repaired and all they do is whip out one component and bung in another. Your phone breaks down, you buy another.

In his book Ensouling Language, Stephen Harrod Buhner, opens the chapter entitled ‘You Must Begin with Something Deeper in the Self’ with a quote from Robert Bly:

Some people who are terrified of grandiosity spend their vital energy defending themselves from the godlike furnace that is cooking inside them. They are the flat people. Side by side with the light poetry we have the flat poetry of the universities, flatter than any poetry ever known in the world before.

In this chapter Buhner presents us with a sweeping statement: You must not extend awareness further than society wants it to go. He doesn’t agree with it but he believes that that belief is something that holds many writers back, encourages them to play safe and, of course, there will be those that do pull their punches for fear they might overstretch themselves or that they might produce something their audience (if they’re lucky enough to have an audience) might turn their noses up at. And I have to wonder if that’s what I do which is why someone might tar me with the antipoetry brush. But I don’t think that’s the case. I always worry about things that are defined by what they’re not and I find that I’m struggling to find a consensus regarding flat poetry. I was intrigued by part of this comment by Robert:

Yet I really think great poetry elicits more similarity than dissidence of response from most audiences in a way that is shockingly more similar to a computer runtime environment than it would appear at first glance. While both code and poems appear flat on the page or screen, when executed both forms present myriad opportunities to branch down different paths. But the reality is that poetry gives you no choice -- only the infinite illusion of choice through allusion, implication, reference, rhyme, nonsensical meaning, seductive sounds and rhythms, and a multitude of other techniques that simultaneously tell the mind there is one thing going on as well as (in subtext) thousands.

A poem is not code. Yes, it’s true we encode meaning, but we do so in a very imprecise way. In HTML <b> and </b> have very specific meanings—bold on, bold off—and they never change no matter what the context. I don’t think a poem has been written so flat that a person with an active imagination couldn’t take it somewhere its author didn’t intend or expect it to go. That said the less technique you apply the fewer opportunities arise.

Okay, so let’s look at an antipoem:


Antipoetry

Like Nicanor Parra I write antipoetry
antipoems for antipeople in antibooks
antipoems for anticritics for antireaders
antipoetry for antiassholes in the antimatter
antielectrons in the antiatoms for antideaf
in my antiadaptation to the literary world
in the antigroup of the antiliterature
antipoetry for antieditors for antiprizes
for antilectors for anticorrectors for antipublishers
and it is not because I don't like poetry or
because I don't like critics, it is because,
like any other antipoet I only know
how to write
antipoetry.

Mois Benarroch

MoisMois Benarroch is a Moroccan poet the same age as me; he even looks a bit like me. And he is far from being someone who one might label as simply an antipoet. I like this piece I have to say. I could have written it, although it’s a bit light for me, to be honest. He’s actually quite a prolific writer—a polyglot no less—and I got caught up reading about him. I was particularly struck by a comment he made in an interview about the “outsiderness” of his poetry:

This is definitely the recurring theme in my writings. It spreads all over, from being an outsider as a Jew, or as a writer (and Edmond Jabes would say that every writer is a Jew) to feeling like a different kind of Jew and not really part of the mainstream of Judaism: that is being a Sephardic Jew. Maybe that’s what poetry is about: being outside, being different and writing a different poem.[21]

I find reading about schools of poetry interesting but I’ve never found myself drawn to any group. In that respect I, too, feel like an outsider in the poetry world. The notion that I might be a closet antipoet nettles, to use Williams’ word; I don’t like being classified. Classification inclines readers to limit their expectations and although it’s true I veer towards a certain style of poetry I’ve yet to find a single poet out there who writes like me. I relate strongly with what Benarroch says here. I’ve always felt different and that my poetry was different. I can relate to lots of different poets but I’m loathe to set down—even for myself—rules as to what I think a poem should be or do. So no manifestos from me; not this week.

In his poetry collection, Abstracts, John O’Loughlin gives his thoughts on the differences between poetry and antipoetry:

[W]here does poetry end and antipoetry begin? … I think we can answer this question … by contending that, although in practice the two kinds of poetry often overlap, the poetical ends by singing the praise of artificial beauty, while the antipoetical begins in a preponderating concern for the metaphysical … as a vehicle for the exploration of truth. Thus we have good reason to believe that, as with philosophy and antiphilosophy, poetry ends and antipoetry begins on a petty-bourgeois level, the one at a climax to a concern for appearances in the most artificial context, i.e. as pertinent to the urban/industrial environment, and the other at the inception to a concern for essences in the least spiritual context, i.e. as pertinent to the intellectual elucidation of metaphysical speculation.[22]

As Goethe wrote, "the unnatural, that too is natural," and I think this is where I come in. If, as O’Loughlin suggests, poetry ends “by singing the praise of artificial beauty” it certainly begins by praising Nature and those were the poems that I reacted against, the ones we got taught at Primary School that I moan about all the time, poems about brooks or daffodils or sad sacks sauntering down to the sea. I never studied the metaphysical poets but a part of me wishes I had because I think I would have found much to relate to. I live in an urban setting and am interested in writing about what I can relate to so in that respect I can be called an antipoet based on this criteria plus I’m just about the least spiritual person you are likely to meet so perhaps I am an antipoet at my core. I agree with Parra when he says that the function of language is “that of a simple vehicle and the material with which I work, I find in daily life.”[23]

But there are differences: I have not forsaken the metaphor or the image although I use both with care. The bottom line is that I don’t much care for labels and I’ve no great desire to align myself with any school of poetry. I do aspire to write clear and understandable poetry (but not superficial poetry) that has structure but is not a slave to structure and by that I mean that I believe that a poem’s shape evolves naturally in its writing which is why I could never see myself setting out to write a sestina or a sonnet and forcing my words into that predefined shape. We all look back when creating metaphorical images but the further back we look the more likely we are to lose our readers so I prefer contemporary cultural references which is why no nods to Greeks gods in any of my poems. Let me leave you with a few poems that I think might pass as antipoems. You decide.


After Pinter


I am a great man.
People depend on me to say great things.
They expect me to say great things.
I expect I am saying something great right now.
Things appear greater when I say them.

It is a terrible burden, of course,
a terrible responsibility, in fact,
to always have to say something great,
to be great to order; that said
people believe I am being great
even when I am being normal.
To them my normal is just great.
They need me to be great
ergo I am great.

“That was great,” they’ll say
and they’ll believe that to be true
but at the same time they’ll be thinking:
I thought great might be greater than that
but what do I know, he’s the great man, not me.


27 January 2010




The Wrong Nudes


My daughter bought me a book, an album,
with pictures of naked women in it.
Of course the wrong women were naked but
how was she to know that that might matter?

That said, realisation is one thing,
acceptance another and approval,
first tacit, then open, quite something else.

Nudity is such a disappointment.
I have never really understood when
nakedness becomes art or if indeed
openness is always a good idea.

She said the book had a dented spine which
is how she could afford it and then we
moved seamlessly onto other matters.


09 March 2009




An Honest Poem


                  Here's the deal,
mate – we might as well be
up front about all this –

what you need to do is
read this and forget it.
It shouldn't be so hard.

I'm sure you've read and
forgotten hundreds
of poems, dozens at

least. So, let's cut to the
chase – yes? – and not waste each
other's time.


09 November 2008




Everyone's a Critic


So we got
this writer and this reader –
seems like a match
made in heaven –

the catch is,
the writer keeps writing things
the reader doesn't want to read
whilst the reader insists on reading stuff
the writer hasn't a clue how to write.

Go figure.
But they're stuck with each other,
joined at the hip.
Think about it.

Anyhow
one day the writer's had it:
"So what the fuck should I write then?"
The reader doesn't even miss a beat:
(well maybe just one) ... "You got a pen?"


22 August 2004




I Spy


You shouldn't look at women's chests;
              they mind if you look.
They know you can see
              but you're not supposed to look.

But you're allowed to notice;
              they expect you to notice.

It's hard to see why you can't look
              at what you've just seen
              but those are the rules
              even though they don't make sense.


21 October 1997




FUTHER READING


Huidobro and Parra: World-Class Antipoets

Although I Havent't Come Preparraed: The Poetry And Antipoetry of Chile [sic]

Poetry of the Sneeze: Thomas Merton and Nicanor Parra

Gardens, Cemeteries, and the Abyss: Symbolic Spaces in a Selection of Nicanor Parra’s Anti-Poetry

Merton, ‘Cables to the Ace’, Anti-Poetry

The Manifesto of Antipoetry (Coe Review, Number 8, 1977, p.10)

The Aesthetics of Anti-Poetry Manifesto: Poetry Criticism by an Anti-Poet

A large collection of Parra’s poetry can be accessed here.



REFERENCES


[1] Nicanor Parra, ‘Something Like That,’ translated by Liz Werner

[2] Octavio Armand, Toward an Image of Latin American Poetry, p.10

[3] For “Poeta / Anti poeta,” see Canto I in Vicente Huidobro’s Altazor (2003: 34), and for “antipoeta y mago,” see Canto IV (94). For Huidobro’s all-caps manifesto and his further declarations on the dangers of the poetic, see The Selected Poetry of Vicente Huidobro, ed. David M. Guss (1981: 76). Huidobro’s prose statements are translated into English from his Manifestes, a volume written in French.

[4] David M. Gussed., The Selected Poetry of Vicente Huidobro, x

[5] Nicanor Parra, Antipoems: New and Selected, pp.42-45

[6] Nicanor Parra, Welcoming Speech Honouring Pablo Neruda

[7] Peter Monro Jack writing in The New York Times quoted in Jewel Spears Brooker ed., T. S. Eliot, The Contemporary Reviews, p.xxix

[8] Ryan Hibbert, Proving Poetry: Ted Hughes and Philip Larkin, Now, p.57

[9] Julio Marzán, ‘The Poetry and Anti-Poetry of Luis Palés Matos: From Canciones to Tuntunes’, Callaloo, 18.2, pp. 506-523

[10] Pablo García, ‘Contrafigura de Nicanor Parra’, Atena, Jan/Feb 1955, p.157

[11] Kevin Bushell, ‘Leaping Into the Unknown: The Poetics of Robert Bly's Deep Image’, Modern American Poetry

[12] In his article ‘William Carlos Williams: This is just to say…’ Vancouver-based consultant Juna Wood states that “Wallace Stevens affectionately called Williams' work the 'anti-poetic' in an essay…” (italics mine) I have no idea where he gets ‘affectionately’ from but no doubt it’s based on something he’s read in the past. Dickran Tasjian writes, however, that "Williams was annoyed by Stevens' contention that the anti-poetic was an outlet, a mask, for sentimentality. Williams argued instead that the poetic and the anti-poetic were of a piece, creation and destruction, art/anti-art, inextricably bound together in a dialectic." Dickran Tasjian, William Carlos Williams and the American Scene, 1920-1940, pp.59,60

[13] Charles Doyle, William Carlos Williams and the American Poem

[14] William Carlos Williams, I Wanted to Write a Poem: The Autobiography of the works of a Poet, p.52

[15] Quoted in Warren Carrier, ‘Commonplace Costumes and Essential Gaudiness: Wallace Stevens’“Emperor of Ice Cream,”’ College Literature, 1974

[16] Ibid

[17] Ibid

[18] Martha Helen Strom, ‘The Uneasy Friendship of William Carlos Williams and Wallace Stevens’, Journal of Modern Literature, 1984

[19] Ibid

[20] Martin Dodsworth, ed., The Survival of Poetry, p.37

[21]'Interview: Moroccan-born Israeli poet Mois Benarroch', memoria y migracion, July 15 2010

[22] John O’Loughlin, Abstracts, Introduction (unnumbered pages)

[23] Pablo García quoting Parra in ‘Contrafigura de Nicanor Parra’, Atena, Jan/Feb 1955, p.157

Beautiful Image

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Anyone who has common sense will remember that the bewilderments of the eye are of two kinds, and arise from two causes, either from coming out of the light or from going into the light, which is true of the mind’s eye, quite as much as of the bodily eye. – Daniel Keyes, Flowers for Algernon




The expression Kafkaesque gets bandied around too much for my money. In a 2006 interview, Kirsty Wark asked Harold Pinter, “Will you finally acknowledge there is such a thing as a ‘Pinteresque’ moment?” to which he replied: “No. I’ve no idea what it means. Never have. I really don’t.”[1] I wonder if Kafka would have said the same about ‘Kafkaesque’? One of the reviews online talking about Marcel Aymé’s 1941 novel Beautiful Image says that it is “(for once genuinely) Kafkaesque” and I can see why the reviewer might have written that (not that he’s the only one to use the K-word); Kafka was not the most prolific of writers and once you’ve read all he’s written (no great challenge there), well, that’s you and so the prospect of anything even vaguely Kafkaesque coming along tends to get greeted with more enthusiasm than it probably warrants, which likely explains the subsequent cloying disappointment when the work turns out to be nowhere near as Kafkaesque—whatever ‘Kafkaesque’ actually means—as you were hoping for.

Let me confuse matters further by suggesting that Beautiful Image could indeed be described as ‘Kafkaesque’ if Kafka had been born in Paris and not Prague. A while ago I reviewed Aymé’s short story collection, The Man Who Walked Through Walls, and since I clearly enjoyed it the publisher asked if I’d also like to read this novel. I was eager to have the chance to read it and enjoyed it even more. In talking about the short story collection in The Guardian,Nicholas Lezard says that in some of these the reader should expect “a dreamlike quality, somewhere between Kafka and Will Self’s early stories.”[2] These are stories where “a fantastic premise [is] taken to logical conclusion, but with a kind of gentle firmness, as well as great humour.”[3] And that is probably where the real difference lies between Kafka and Aymé: levity. Kafka is not the funniest of writers.[4]

Like many people the first Kafka I ever read was The Metamorphosis. I was a kid of about fourteen and even though I had gobbled up shows like The Twilight Zone and The Outer Limits like there was no tomorrow, the notion that a bloke could go to bed one night and wake up to find he has been transformed into a gigantic dung beetle still blew me away. The thing that got me the most was how accepting his family were. Later when I started to see how ugly families could be that made far more sense to me. The conceit in Aymé’s book is that somewhere between leaving his office in the afternoon and attempting to obtain a B O B licence his physiognomy mysteriously morphs. As with the Kafka no one sees this happen nor does the man—one Raoul Cérusier— experience the transformation. He simply hands over his application form to be told:

“This is not your photograph.”

He assumes the clerk is joking and wonders if he ought to laugh. He doesn’t and this is as well; she’s deadly serious.

“Do you think,” I said, “that the photographer’s art has flattered me that much?”

The clerk didn’t even smile. She had let go of her pot of glue and, pursing her lips, was comparing my face with the images in front of her. At last, apparently sure of her facts, she gestured as if rejecting my two photos and said severely:

“Find me some others. I cannot accept photographs which are not of the party concerned.”

Further protestations ensue. A colleague—her superior—is called upon to adjudicate. He concurs but is more diplomatic about matters:

“There has been a misunderstanding,” he said. “Monsieur Cérusier has simply mixed up his photographs. He will have no trouble at all seeing this when he has taken the time to examine them himself.”

More fervent protestations follow. Two additional clerks from neighbouring booths are roped in to assist and a fellow customer cranes his neck to see what all the commotion is about. People begin to lose patience with him and then, all of a sudden, Cérusier catches a glimpse of his reflection whilst positioned “right in front of the glass partition between the booths that separated the public half of the room from that of the staff.”

For a fraction of a second, I had in front of me the reflection of my own two eyes. The image, faint but distinct, was that of two large pale eyes, with a gentle, dreamy expression, completely different to my eyes, which are small, black and deep.

Fleeing the office he locates a mirror and realises that the impossible has occurred: he is now sporting another man’s face and, actually, a strikingly handsome man’s face it is, too. The whys and the hows he decides he can fret about at a later date; he is a practical man and considers his immediate problems: his family and his office staff. The solution proves simple: arrange to be absent from home and from work for a period of time. It takes a bit of inveiglingbut he wangles this. He manages to make his way into his office unobserved (his face at least), lays his hands on sufficient funds to cover his immediate expenses, arranges a fake business trip to Bucharest, packs a suitcase and goes into hiding to give himself time to consider his position at his leisure.

schizoid_04Of course nowadays this trope is nothing new. Just think about films like Big where a thirteen-year-old boy is transformed into a young Tom Hanks, or, the less well-known Watermelon Man where an extremely bigoted 1960’s white insurance salesman wakes up one morning to find that he has become black.[5] Closer in theme might be the episode of The Prisonerentitled ‘The Schizoid Man’ where Number Six awakens to find himself with a new appearance. He is addressed as “Number Twelve” and given the assignment of impersonating Number Six (who has been replaced with a double).The earliest example I imagine would really have to be Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream where the clown Bottom winds up with a donkey’s head.

All of them have their own unique take on the condition but what surprised me was how serious and philosophical Aymé turned out to be. Having only read his short stories I was expecting the same, only in more detail; I didn’t expect a richer story.

There are two strands here: 1) how people might view him even if he were able to produce irrefutable evidence as to his identity (his voice has not changed nor, we discover, has his handwriting) and 2) how he sees himself.

Point one: Identical twins have been playing mind games with people for as long as there have been twins but clones and alternates from other realities are a staple of science fiction and invariably the writers end up including some variation of the following in the script:

“How do I know which one is the real you?”

“Ask me something only I would know.”

When I was writing my notes as I was reading this book one of the things I scribbled down was Who?Who? is a 1958 novel by Algis Budrys set during the Cold War where an Allied physicist is injured whilst near the border to the Soviet Bloc. A Soviet team abducts the man who was in charge of a secret, high-priority project called K-88. They fix him and send him back behind a nearly-featureless metal mask. Or did they? As it happens they did but the scientist can never prove to his government’s satisfaction that he is who he says he is and is no longer allowed to work on his project.

Point two: It’s not often that you’ll find me quoting a Big Brother contestant but there’s a first time for everything. Darnell Swallow came fifth in the UK’s ninth series. At one point he requests a haircut and this was his reasoning:

I look like a beast so I’m gonna feel like a beast. And if I feel like a beast then I’m gonna act like a beast.

vwugThink about monsters in films and books. They’re almost always grotesque because for years people couldn’t separate the two. No one ever said, “Ugliness is only skin deep” (Actually not true but bear with me) although the blunt truth is that it’s always been the beautiful people who get on in this life:

Beautiful people make more money, have more influence, are believed more often and get handed shorter jail terms. Neither good intentions nor political correctness will prevent this. According to Matthijs van Leeuwen, social psychologist at Nijmegen’s Radboud University, nobody is aware that beautiful people get preferential treatment, so it will never change.[6]

If you are not exactly ugly—let’s just say you’re plain (“homely” as Arthur Miller might have put it)—you get used to being treated a certain way and being a certain way. Plain Janes have limited expectations unless they’re talented in some way and even then, as many times as not, a less-talented person will step over them because they have the looks to go with the job. What if one day you could suddenly fix all that? So here we have a Flowers for Algernon situation. In that book Charlie, a man with special needs and a very low IQ, gets the opportunity to become clever and agrees to the treatment programme, but as his intelligence, education, and understanding of the world around him increases, his relationships with people deteriorate. What is going to happen to Cérusier once he becomes comfortable being handsome? Will this change him?

Before his transformation Raoul Cérusier is Monsieur Average. He is married, has two young children, a decent enough job which he seems to enjoy and is good at; he’s even managed a wee fling with a colleague. He’s not a bad man. But he’s certainly a boring one. His marriage is not exactly floundering on the rocks; it’s more becalmed if we’re going to stick with the nautical metaphors. His wife says of him (actually straight to his face, although she doesn’t realise this):

[M]y husband is on the whole a dull man, an ordinary man, whom I accept reluctantly as my partner.

So what would happen if this most ordinary of men gets to wield a little power? Well we all know what happened to George Fotheringay, the mousy store clerk who must come to grips with the sudden gift of almost unlimited power in The Man Who Could Work Miracles. Cérusier isn’t granted that kind of power but he is afforded with what amounts to invisibility: no one knows who he is; he can hobnob with his colleagues, attempt to seduce his own wife and wheedle the truth out of these people: what do they really think of him? He could now seduce the kind of women who would never have given him the time of day. (When the book was first translated into English it was in fact retitled The Grand Seduction.) He could have the kind of life he had never had the courage to dream of. Or he could walk away from it all.

For me one of the most striking passages in the book is the following:

After an hour of tramping the streets of Paris, I felt a weariness begin to grow in me, which swiftly turned to dejection. I started to consider my adventure with that absence of self-interest which is something like disgust for life when it has become mere habit. I was still indifferent to the absurdity of my situation. I felt for it neither pride nor exaltation of any kind. That morning, it seemed so obvious to me that nothing is more clear-cut, more desperately tedious than that which is unnatural, absurd, incredible, miraculous. Nothing offers less nourishment to the spirit and the senses. I reflect morosely that a miracle is nothing but a dried-out trunk, a stem without roots or boughs. Amazing that the world’s religions and found in it independently so certain a manifestation of the divine. What need has God then to oppose, deny, even to hang himself? Seen from this angle, a wonder might be no more than the manifestation of a devil with limited powers, of furtive and restricted means. I even began to think that faith alone could communicate with the imagination and procure the soul’s intoxication. I felt that God had abandoned me. I no longer expected anything good to come from my metamorphosis, or even anything that was worth the experience of living through. If things turned out for the best … I would have to construct an entire new life on the basis of a pathetic and embarrassing lie. And in order to back up this fundamental lie, I was condemned to fabricate—and swear by—innumerable others. […] It is hard to be born at the age of thirty-eight, without any excuse or explanation.

This is him at his lowest ebb when all his plans look as if they are going to come to nothing. It’s dawned on him that “there was nothing left of Raoul Cérusier but my belief in his existence” and he finds himself in mourning for his former self. Burns said, “The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft agley,” and that’s the real problem here because Cérusier hasn’t planned any of this. He’s been faced with a situation, done a quick risk assessment and improvised. There are several points in the book where, after a few pages, we see find him regretting his previous actions. For example, early on in the book, he confides in one of his wife’s uncles, Uncle Antonin, who keeps “a piggery in Chatou and [is] obsessed with building his own automobiles out of parts bought at the junkyard.” He’s an eccentric old boy, a bit of a ditherer and absent-minded to boot; when, for example, Cérusier decides to go by the name Roland Colbert, Antonin calls him everything but—”Laurent Gilbert”, “Gontran”, “Laurent Volbert”. Antonin also has his own ideas as to how this charade should play out and is always in danger of scuppering what plans Cérusier does have.

Cérusier also feels compelled at one point to reveal his true identity to an old work colleague, Julien Gauthier, who is not as easily convinced as Uncle Antonin and seriously wonders if this man is a shyster. He begins an investigation and suddenly Cérusier feels his options running out. And what about all the women? He sets about trying to make his wife’s acquaintance but then there’s “the Sarrazine” who he’d always fancied from afar but who never knew he existed until his new face arrived and his ex-lover at work and the streetwalker Uncle Antonin sees him with. It all gets very complicated very quickly. Not quite a French farce but there are times when things do veer towards the ridiculous.

Of course one cannot ever forget when and where this book was first published: it was in occupied France during World War II and that’s why, most likely, Aymé pulls his punches. Identity was a big thing in 1941 in Paris. You never knew when you might be stopped and asked to produce your papers, to prove who you were, and everyone wore more than one face. More could have been done with this material but let’s not dismiss whatis said and done.

Pushkin Press produce the book in classy ‘jewel editions’: slightly squat (12 x 16½ cm) paperbacks with thick matt covers and French folds. It is a pleasant book to hold and read. The illustration on the cover—a pencil drawing by Valentine Hugo—is appropriate and contemporaneous but a bit pale and washed-out-looking for my tastes. Luckily I never had to judge the book by its cover but I’m not sure I would have been drawn to it in a bookshop.

Marcel Aymé is virtually unknown in the English-speaking world these days. Even in France people are only really aware of his short stories and children’s writing, a number of which are viewed as classics; the rest of his not insignificant output is now basically ignored. This is a real shame because even if this particular novel holds back it is still a fine novel. Granted there’s Aymenothing here that’s not been covered in loads of other formats since and so, yes, its power has been diminished over time but it was nevertheless a book that took me in directions I wasn’t really prepared for. Yes, he ties everything up a little neatly but he does so in a believable manner—if, that is, you’re first of all willing to suspend disbelief and accept that a man’s face can change like this.

So, all you Kafka fans out there, don’t get yourself worked up in anticipation of a dark and claustrophobic little tale here because you will be disappointed. It’s not Kafka but it is what it is: Aymé-esque.



REFERENCES


[1]Harold Pinter on Newsnight Review, 23 June 2006

[2] Nicholas Lezard, ‘The Man Who Walked Through Walls, and Other Stories by Marcel Aymé – review’, The Guardian, 4 September 2012

[3]Ibid

[4] You might like to see this article though: Franz Kafka: The Irony of Laughter

[5] There are a whole raft of variations on this theme. See here.

[6] Thijs Westerbeek van Eerten. ‘Beautiful people have an easier life’, Radio Netherlands Worldwide, 13 September 2010


Monkeys with Typewriters

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Writing is a thinking job, not a typing job. – Scarlett Thomas




Of the millions of drivers on the road I wonder how many are qualified lawyer-mechanic-physicists? To be honest I wonder if anyone out there has professional qualifications as a lawyer, a car mechanic and a physicist? There will be kids out there driving tractors around their parents’ farms who likely don’t know their left from their right. Driving really isn’t that difficult. Once you’ve grasped a few basics you’re off. Still, if you want to become a skilful driver you need practice and to pass tests; driving is about more than knowing how to change gear and remembering to take the handbrake off before you release the clutch. Driving is all about natural laws and human rules. There is technique to being able to drive well.

I have an O-Level in Applied Mechanics—I came top of my year—and yet my dad had to remind me to check my car’s oil and water levels as well as the tread and air pressure of the tyres. I had drawn diagrams of the 2-, 3- and 4-stroke engines (I really loved the design of the 3-stroke) but I couldn't relate any of that to driving a car. I had a head crammed full of formulae talking about force and energy and velocity and all that stuff (now long gone) but what had that to do with driving? Actually quite a bit.

There are rules you need to obey when you drive—in the UK you drive on the left-hand side of the road—and there are laws: the safe stopping distance in feet (in dry conditions) is speed2÷ 20 + speed assuming a reasonably good co-efficient of friction of about .75; better is .8 or higher while conditions or tire quality might yield a worse factor of .7 or lower. There are so many variables to take account of and we’ve not even got round to reaction speed of the driver if he’s hung over or on the phone to his wife. Most of us just slam on the brakes and pray. And most of the time that’s all we need to do.

So what has all this to do with writing? Everything. Just as thousands of people get in their cars every day and (somehow) end up where they set out to go without dinging someone else’s car, thousands of others will start writing novels which they will (somehow) get to the end of and actually manage to say what they set out to say without wrecking the English language in the process. In the majority of cases their goals will be reached in the most unspectacular of fashion: no wheelies, doughnuts, flying off ramps, cadence braking or the literary equivalents.

The title of Scarlett Thomas’s new book, Monkeys with Typewriters,relates to something called the infinite monkey theorem which states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare. Writers, however, are not random word generators and as much as we’d like to take complete ownership of a novel once we start to read it, it’s impossible to ignore the fact that there was a human behind these words. That the book could have come about by pure chance is neither here nor there: it didn’t. Writers are important and we love them.

A machine can easily be programmed to say, “She was very sad”. But a machine can’t create an original image that explores sadness.

But can you teach writing? It’s a question that has long polarised opinions. When, during her first year of teaching, one of her senior colleagues had found out that Scarlett was teaching her creative writing students literary theory she wasn’t at all happy about it:

“What do you think you’re doing?” she said, after a group of them had tried to “borrow” a sofa they needed for their seminar presentation on structuralism. “Just teach them the difference between first person and third person and let them write, for God’s sake.”

roland-barthesIt was at this point in her career as a lecturer that she had been using Barthes's essay The Death of the Author in her coursework—which she hoped to simplify by introducing her class to typewriting simians—when she realised that it was as, if not more, important to teach her students what to do before they sat down to write than it was enough to provide them with the basic tools—pen, paper, knowledge of grammatical persons—and let them muddle their way through. This book has taken a while to evolve but it set out to fill a gap:

No one, it seemed, had written a contemporary writing book that covered everything. There were plenty of books out there, though. Some focused on ‘giving yourself permission to write’. Some suggested automatic writing. Some had exercises in perspective and general technique. Some of them were very good. I encouraged all my students to read On Writing by Stephen King, How Fiction Works by James Wood and Eats, Shoots and Leavesby Lynne Truss. But there was no single book I could give my students to read that covered everything I thought they should know.

She began “giving lectures, which was a very unusual thing to do on a creative writing programme”, she “analysed pop culture alongside classics not just to make the lectures more accessible, but because [she] wanted the students to get used to seeing plot, structure and writing techniques in the world around them.” Seven years later she had … I suppose ‘amassed’ would be the right word here … this book, all 480 pages of it, including the 80 pages of notes and appendices.

Did she manage to produce a single text that contains everything? Sadly, no. But that doesn’t mean this is not a worthy addition to those other three required texts she mentioned above. And she really does try very hard not to say, “This is the way you have to do things.” She speaks from experience and her experience is limited but that’s the case with everyone who authors a textbook, which is why I think aiming to write a single book that would meet every new author’s needs was setting the bar a tad too high. If indeed that ever truly was her plan.

But can you teach writing? On her blog, Shannon, who describes herself as a “[r]ecent graduate from UCSD with a B.A. in Literature-writing” has this to say:

You can’t teach writing. So why even bother going for a degree in it, or to any workshops or conferences at all?

Because you can’t teach writing to people who don’t love it, who don’t have any talent for it, who don’t want to lose themselves in it every time they set a pencil to paper. And for those talented writers willing to live and die by their pen, you can refine them, shape them, mould them, guide them. I’m going to use the super-cliché “diamond in the rough”. Because that’s what you do in writing courses–you help those with potential reach a fuller potential.

I think Scarlett would agree with her because a number of times in the book she basically asks her readers/students: How serious are you about writing?

I used to tell people off for wanting to write novels simply to make money (very difficult) or for the sake of vanity (futile). I also used to give slightly haughty lectures about the novel being an art form, not a place to show off for the sake of it, or string a lot of clichés together for a few quid. Then I realised that if the people sitting in front of me wanted to make money above all else, they’d be doing business studies, not creative writing.

Signing up for one of her classes or buying this book only indicates a certain level of seriousness. Towards the end of the book she raises an important question:

It’s worth asking yourself at every stage how much you do care if your novel is lost in a fire, or in a computer accident. I always ask my students the following question: If the only copy of your novel was stuck at the top of a mountain would you go up and rescue it? I tell them if the answer is ‘no’ then they need to rethink what they are doing.

Like me Scarlett believes that anyone is capable of writing a novel. Whether it will be a saleable novel is another thing entirely but that’s something every one of us has to ask once we’ve completed a book: Will anyone else want to read this? She reckons that if you’re writing the kind of novel that you would be willing to climb to the top of a mountain to rescue, that is a measure of “how important it is likely to be to other people.” And, up to a point, she’s right; we all have ideal readers.

Supernanny_cover_tinyOne of those clichéd bits of advice that newbie writers often receive is: Show, don’t tell. (Even Scarlett can’t resist slipping that one in, although worded a little differently.) In this book she doesn’t tell you how to write, rather she demonstrates by example. If you’ve been a fan of hers and read all her novels you will be at a definite advantage, although she includes plenty of other touchstones from Hamlet through to Supernanny. I approve wholeheartedly of her decision to reference films and television shows. So much can be learned from them, even the bad ones.

The book is split into two sections, Theory and Practice, each containing five chapters. The first five chapters—almost half the book—focus on plots. That feels like a lot. Okay she deals with the two, the three, the five, the seven and the eight basic plots depending on who you’re reading and I have to say I personally found this a bit hard going because a) none of it was especially new to me and b) I’m not a plotter. This does not mean my books don’t have plots but they arise naturally in the course of writing and none of them align neatly with most of the ‘classic’ plotlines: in Living with the Truth a stranger comes to town takes Jonathan on a veiled quest which results in his (albeit late in life) coming of age. In essence what these first five chapters deal with is the question: How do stories work? All of us will have seen so much TV that we will know … instinctively, it seems, but it’s really learned… how stories will pan out even if we can’t break down what we’ve just watched and turn it into an equation. The Russian folklorist Vladimir Propp does this in his book The Morphology of the Folktale which Scarlett discusses at length in the fourth chapter. This section reminded me of my O-Level in Applied Mechanics. These equations form the bedrock of our lives and when we drive our cars there are dozens of variables at play: speed, velocity, centre of gravity, inclination, time, acceleration, mass, energy, power. We know all these words but the majority of us couldn’t define even one of them except in layman’s terms and the same goes for most literary terms; tragedy, for example, is not simply a sad story.

The second part covers the following:

  • How to Have Ideas
  • Styles of Narration
  • Characterisation
  • Writing a Good Sentence
  • Beginning to Write a Novel

For my money the best chapter was the first. Again she said nothing I’ve not come to realise myself after writing five novels but I would have loved to have known about some of this stuff right back at the start. I could only find one use of the word ‘inspiration’ in this book and she uses it to mean a goal rather than a brilliant idea or some kind of muse. She writes:

It turns out that our imaginations are very good at doing new things with specific material we give them. But they are not so good at coming up with new material on their own.

We could sit around waiting on ‘inspiration’ striking or we could take the initiative. We have to trick our brains to get good ideas. If we ask ourselves a question our brain will take the easiest route and provide us with the quickest answer that will be predictable at best and probably clichéd, too. Our brain, like a sat nav, is designed to provide us with the most direct route. Only if we put obstacles in its way will it consider the scenic route. What we need to do is magic up a writing prompt and she provides a handy matrix (downloadable as a docx file from her website), which has proved to be successful for herself and with her classes, and explains how to use it. The objective here is to jump start the imagination. Once—to use another of those physics words—momentum has been achieved then you’re on your way.

Again, at the end of this chapter, she underlines:

If writing feels to you like a job or a chore, then your idea isn’t good enough. It’s as simple as that. If you are not in love with your idea now, then you never will be. So dump it and find a new one.

Writing your first novel will in many ways be easier than any other book you will ever attempt, from one perspective at least: there will be things that you are still passionate about. As we age our passions tend to go off the boil a bit. That’s why I’m struggling with my own book at the moment. I’m still at the thinking stage. At that’s fine. As Scarlett says in the final chapter it takes her about a year of preparatory work before she starts writing proper—she then explains at length what she does during that time (a mixture of gathering, sorting and thinking (she describes three kinds))—and I think that’s an important thing for new writers to appreciate. She also brings up three things in this chapter which I found very interesting and hadn’t seen anywhere before:

  • Narrative question (you’ll actually need several of these, but the main one)
  • Thematic question
  • Seed word

Narrative questions will intrigue your reader and keep him reading. Will Cinderella go to the ball? Will Hamlet kill Claudius? Will Odysseus get home? Will Dorothy get home? Will E.T. get home?

[…]

Your thematic question is an important question that you will never answer. It is important how you frame this; it should be a universal, open question (‘What is power?’) rather than a personal, limited question (‘Should I be kind to my horse?’).

[…]

Why do you need a seed word if you already have a thematic question? The two are closely connected, after all. Well, when you find the correct seed word for your project it will make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. While constructing a thematic question gives you focus and purpose, finding the correct seed word is quite magical.

These are not easy questions to answer even after one has completed a book but I do get where she’s coming from here and I think keeping these three points in your head as you write will be of great help. It wasn’t until I came up with the word ‘left’ that my last novel came sharply into focus for me. I realised I was exploring leftness—that was my seed word, a neologism would you believe it—and after that, even though I didn’t know how it would all end I did know what the book was about. ELDoctorowFor me I need to have been writing for a few thousand words before I know where I’m going which is why Scarlett opens that final chapter with this quote from E.L. Doctorow:

It’s like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.

Driving home in the dark I’m always on the lookout for some familiar sign. It’ll be too dark probably for landmarks but a building, a sign or a tree will catch my eye and I’ll know where I am and there’s always a moment of relief at that point. I need to hit that point in a novel before I feel safe, even if I know it’s going to take me months to actually finish the damn thing. That point in Milligan and Murphy was when I wrote the line, “There are no reasons for unreasonable things.” At that point I knew what the book was about.

Scarlett is keen to point out that there is no right way to write a book and she provides many examples of books that go against the grain and work, but no one will know what kind of writer they are until they start writing. She admits that her first novel was not very good—she began her career writing formulaic crime novels (her first three books feature Lily Pascale, an English literature lecturer who solves murder mysteries)—and that it actually took her some time to find her personal style.

I’ve talked a lot about driving in this article and the thing about driving is that the only way you’re going to learn is to get behind the wheel of a vehicle weighing over a ton that’s capable of demolishing a brick wall and heading off into the unknown. There is little in this book that will make the experience of writing your first any easier. It doesn’t matter how she breaks down the numbers (which she does in a variety of ways) or how much you know about how to write, writing is still hard work:

Writing a novel, like running a marathon, is both absurdly easy and absurdly hard. On one level it’s just putting words on a page or putting one foot in front of the other. It’s doable. It’s even somehow natural. But it requires great strength and determination to keep going, especially when it gets tough.

If you have never attempted writing a book and want to there is a lot of useful information here. You may not know what’s she’s on about when she’s referencing Oedipus the King or The Republicbut who hasn’t seen Toy Story or an episode or two of Frasier? There are novels you will likely want to read after going through this book if you’ve not come across them already (The Bell Jar for one) and plays you’ll want to see (Hamlet gets touched on a lot) and even old films that you might want to rent again (like Gentlemen Prefer Blondes which I honestly cannot remember ever having seen) but I think you’ll probably be surprised by how prepared you actually are. Reading this book might help you realise that.

You can read an excerpt here where she talks about how she decided on eight basic plots.

GIVE AWAY: Due to an administrative cock-up at Canongate I got sent two copies of this book so if you’ve waded through the above and would like me to send you a copy drop me an e-mail. I won’t send it to the first person who asks (unless they’re the only person to ask) but I’d like to see it go to a good home so if you’ve written half a dozen novels already but still fancy a copy then go buy your own.

***

ScarlettThomasScarlett Thomas has taught English Literature at the University of Kent since 2004, and has previously taught at Dartmouth Community College, South East Essex College and the University of East London. She reviews books for the Literary Review, the Independent on Sunday, and Scotland on Sunday. She has written eight novels (discounting the crime novels), including The End of Mr. Y and PopCo. You can read my review of Our Tragic Universe here.

In 2001 she was named by The Independent as one of 20 Best Young Writers. In 2002 she won Best New Writer in the Elle Style Awards, and also featured as an author in New Puritans, a project led by the novelists Matt Thorne and Nicholas Blincoe.

She is currently studying for an MSc in ethnobotany, and working on her ninth novel, The Seed Collectors.

Journey to the End of the Night

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Journey to the End of the Night

The usual thing. Always getting shoved out into the night like this, I said to myself, I'm bound to end up somewhere. – Céline, Journey to the End of the Night



A bald summary of Céline's first novel is enough to put anyone off and yet from its very first page through to the last, some 180,000 words later, I was thoroughly entertained. The new release from Alma at just over 400 pages is misleading and if you struggle to read type that is too close together then you might want, as I did, to opt for the ebook. Normally spaced type would have been 700 pages during which the narrator has very little good to say about anything, beginning with himself and the French in general:

What you call a race is nothing but a collection of riffraff like me, bleary-eyed, flea-bitten, chilled to the bone. They came from the four corners of the earth, driven by hunger, plague, tumours, and the cold, and stopped here. They couldn't go any further because of the ocean. That's France, that's the French people.

He's just about the most pass-remarkable character I have ever encountered, combining the nihilism and loquacity of Samuel Beckett'sMolloy with the acerbic wit and fatalism, despite his best efforts to wangle his way out of his own, of Captain Edmund Blackadder.

Little happens throughout the book and most of what does is due to the protagonist's inability to avoid things happening to him. He's the kind of man who side-steps a mucky puddle only to put his foot in a fresh cow pat. If you enjoy black humour then this is worth considering.

When asked if her own first novel was autobiographical Jeanette Winterson had this to say:

Yes and no. All writers draw on their experience but experience isn't what makes a good book. As the stand-up comics say, 'It's the way you tell 'em'. Oranges is written in the first person, it's direct and uninhibited, but it isn't autobiography in the real sense.[1]

Céline could say much the same. When you look at the life of Louis Ferdinand Auguste Destouches (Céline was a penname, the first name of his grandmother) it's obvious that the character of Ferdinand Bardamu has more than a little in common with his creator. On a whim a twenty-year-old Bardamu enlists, is wounded during the war for which he receives the médaille militaire for assumed bravery ("[l]uckily, when it comes to heroism, people are willing to believe anything"), wastes some time in colonial Africa (where he contracts malaria and dysentery), travels through post-World War I America (where he works on the production line of the Ford Motor Company), before returning to France, where he becomes a medical doctor and establishes a practice in a poor Paris suburb, the fictional Garenne-Rancy, which he quits when the going gets tough and after drifting through a few odd jobs ends the book managing an asylum. Destouches joined the French army two years before the start of the first World War in what he describes as an act of rebellion against his parents, had a moderately successful war—he was also awarded the médaille militaire for actual bravery—worked (although not very successfully) in French Cameroons as a representative of the Sangha-Oubangui company; after contracting malaria and dysentery he returned home, became a doctor, married, abandoned his family to move to America where, amongst other things, he studied the conditions of the workers at the Ford Motor Company before returning to France where he set up a short-lived practice in in Montmartre, in the north end of Paris, specialising in obstetrics which he subsequently left due to financial pressures to take up a position in nearby clinic and later a commercial laboratory.

Destouches was—and appears to have remained throughout his life—an anti-Semite. There is only one brief mention of Jews in this book which is more funny than upsetting—he mentions at one point a "Negro-Judeo-Saxon band"—but I can imagine those who are sensitive boycotting his entire oeuvre on general principles. The irony, of course, is that the protagonist of his first novel is cast very much in the mould of the wandering Jew. As he had been a vocal supporter of Hitler, Destouches was forced to flee France after the end of the war. Named a collaborator, he was convicted in absentia and held on Death Row in a Copenhagen prison before being sentenced to one year of imprisonment, having half his property seized and being declared a national disgrace. He was subsequently granted amnesty and returned to France in 1951. He died in 1961 at the age of sixty-seven. Before you're too quick to judge him consider this:

Céline’s practice was a financial shambles but this did not prevent him from publishing pamphlets about the sanitary conditions endured by poor working families, savagely criticizing the public health policies that bore little relation to the social reality that he saw each day.[2]

Céline served most of his life as a general practitioner in the working class suburbs of Paris where he cared for the sick and the penniless. Not accepting any payment from patients with little or no money and paying for the medicine for paupers from his own pocket, docteur Destouches was especially renowned for his gentle care with children and the elderly. The literary figure Céline may have been portrayed as a nihilist and a monstrous being, but docteur Destouches served his community.[3]

WillSelf_webWhen I first heard about the book I assumed I was going to be reading a war novel, a French All Quiet on the Western Front, but in reality only about a twelfth of the book deals directly with the conflict although what happens there is important because it changes the protagonist's world view. Talking about the book in an article for The New York Times, Will Self—who in the article admits that that Journey to the End of the Night "is the novel, perhaps more than any other, that inspired me to write fiction"—writes:

Céline’s war is not the familiar, muddy charnel house sketched by Remarque or the British war poets but a free-form affair, characterized by delirious mobility, the garish illumination of burning villages and chance encounters between renegade and cowardly combatants. It is a Goya etching animated in the style of a Tom and Jerry cartoon.[4]

I think this must be where I first imagined Bardamu as some sort of Gallic Blackadder. Take this bit:

Down the road, way in the distance, as far as we could see, there were two black dots, plunk in the middle like us, but they were two Germans and they'd been busy shooting for the last fifteen or twenty minutes.

Maybe our colonel knew why they were shooting, maybe the Germans knew, but I, so help me, hadn't the vaguest idea. As far back as I could search my memory, I hadn't done a thing to the Germans, I'd always treated them friendly and polite. I knew the Germans pretty well, I'd even gone to school in their country when I was little, near Hanover. I'd spoken their language. A bunch of loudmouthed little halfwits, that's what they were, with pale, furtive eyes like wolves; we'd go out to the woods together after school to feel the girls up, or we'd fire popguns or pistols you could buy for four marks. And we drank sugary beer together. But from that to shooting at us right in the middle of the road, without so much as a word of introduction, was a long way, a very long way. If you asked me, they were going too far. This war, in fact, made no sense at all. It couldn't go on. Had something weird got into these people? Something I didn't feel at all? I suppose I hadn't noticed it . . . Anyway, my feelings toward them hadn't changed. In spite of everything. I'd have liked to understand their brutality, but what I wanted still more, enormously, with all my heart, was to get out of there, because suddenly the whole business looked to me like a great big mistake.

This early section has a light and flippant tone but as the sections move on—there are no formal chapters to the book merely section breaks—we see a level of paranoia set in that never quite leaves Bardamu. As he puts it:

There are different ways of being condemned to death. Oh! What wouldn't I have given to be in jail instead of here! What a fool I'd been! If only I had had a little foresight and stolen something or other when it would have been so easy and there was still time. I never think of anything. You come out of jail alive, out of a war you don't! The rest is blarney.

Bardamu's war really doesn't last too long which is perhaps fortunate because Bardamu is not a brave man:

Any possibility of cowardice becomes a glowing hope if you're not a fool. That's my opinion. Never be picky and choosy about means of escaping disembowelment, or waste your time trying to find reasons for the persecution you're a victim of. Escape is good enough for the wise.

He dreams about going AWOL and had circumstances not got in the way before the opportunity to desert had presented itself he likely would have. As it happens he is wounded, sent to Paris to recuperate and it becomes clear very quickly that he is in no rush to get back to "the flaming graveyards of no man's land". He meets Lola, a sexually attractive but deeply stupid American who had "come to help [them] save France … to the best of her humble ability but with all her heart!" It is she who first makes Bardamu curious about the States, although Fate and finances dictate he take a circuitous route to get there.

Invalided out of the army he decides—on a whim one must imagine because he seems to make all his major life decisions that way—to head for Africa where he is set "to become a minor employee of Compagnie Pordurière (one might translate this as Pshit & Co.)"[5] That or the decision is made for him and he has no strong opinions either way because he writes, "[t]hey shoved me on board in the hope that I'd recuperate in the colonies." Either way he doesn't possess sufficient funds to be able to head straight for America. He boards a ship "so old that jonah.overboardthe copper plate with its birth date had been removed from the upper deck; the date was such ancient history it had inspired the passengers with fear and witticisms. … If it kept afloat on those tepid seas, it was only thanks to its [many coats of] paint." He is lucky to survive the voyage. For some reason some of the crew and passengers take a dislike to him, treat him like the ship's Jonah

I learned from one of the stewards that my fellow passengers, by common accord, thought me affected, not to say insolent . . . that they suspected me of being a pimp and a pederast . . . something of a cocaine addict on the side . . . but only on the side . . . Then the suspicion made its way around that I must have left France to escape the consequences of certain heinous crimes. But I was only at the beginning of my troubles.

so he spends much of the trip skulking in his room and doing his business out of a porthole. But survive he does. His expectations do not. What he imagined he would be experiencing was

…the real, grandiose Africa of impenetrable forests, fetid swamps, inviolate wildernesses, where black tyrants wallowed in sloth and cruelty on the banks of never-ending rivers. I would barter a pack of "Pilett" razor blades for big long elephant's tusks, gaudy-coloured birds, and juvenile slaves. Guaranteed. That would be life! Nothing in common with the emasculated Africa of travel agencies and monuments, of railways and candy bars. Certainly not! We'd be seeing Africa in the raw, the real Africa!

That is a far cry from what greets him. Just as he had marched off to join the army without really knowing what he was getting into, the same could be said for his experience of the colony of Bambola-Bragamance.

Understandably, a life spent waiting for the thermometer to go down made everybody more and more cantankerous. The consequence was private and collective quarrels, preposterous and interminable, between the military and the administration, between the administration and the traders, between these two in temporary alliance and the military, between the whole lot of them and the black population, and finally between blacks and blacks. The little energy that hadn't been sapped by malaria, thirst, and the heat was consumed by hatred so fierce and deep seated that it wasn't uncommon for these colonials to drop dead on the spot, poisoned by themselves like scorpions.

[…]

You've got to watch out. It's not just the people who are hysterical down there, objects are the same way. Life only becomes tolerable at nightfall, but then almost immediately the darkness is taken over by swarms of mosquitoes. Not one or two or a hundred, but billions of them. Survival under those conditions is quite an achievement. A carnival by day, a colander by night, a quiet war.

He learns that "[t]he director of the Compagnie Pordurière du Petit Congo … [is] looking for an inexperienced man to take charge of one of the trading posts in the bush" and so he applies; it looks like light work. The man he finds out he has to replace is one Leon Robinson a soldier he had encountered in Flanders during the war, a man cut from the same cloth as he (his doppelgänger if you will); they had planned to surrender to the Germans together … if only they could have located some Germans; that particular night none were abroad and the two were forced to go back to their respective regiments. He had run across him once in Paris, too, so we know Robinson survived the war and the simple fact is that Fate/God/unforeseen circumstance keeps arranging for these two to cross paths if not swords; they meet again in Detroit, in Paris and in Toulouse. "Céline once confided to his secretary, 'Bardamu? He's not me, he's my double. But so is Robinson.'"[6]

The relationship between Bardamu and Robinson is the key structural device employed, and it is through contemplating the actions of Robinson that Bardamu attains a kind of acceptance of his destiny.[7]

They are each journeying—as are we all—toward the end of night. Like Molloy (and numerous other characters in Beckett's novels and stories) these are basically indolent men. Of course life won't permit them to be completely idle but neither has any real get-up-and-go. The irritating thing—from their perspective—is that they both exhibit a restlessness and so, albeit often without a backwards glance, every few years (sometimes only months) they find they can no longer fight the urge to shuffle along. Bardamu realises that movement brings only temporary relief—even Beckett's bedridden Malone shifts position from time to time—he nevertheless has come "to regard moving as his only defence against destiny."[8] There are differences: Robinson has at least some degree of ambition and a greater fondness for money (and the comfort it affords); Bardamu is the more sentimental and guilt-ridden of the two. He never quite manages to shake of the idealism we see in that young man marching off to war and revelling in the attention from those waving him on his way. War has opened his eyes and he sees everything that bit clearer on his return but the death of a young boy from typhoid fever can still get to him. At one point he takes a stroll around the old neighbourhood where he used to practice medicine:

Passing the house where Bébert's aunt had been the concierge, I'd have liked to go in and see who was living now in the lodge where I'd taken care of Bébert and where he had died. Maybe his schoolboy picture was still hanging over the bed . . . But it was too late to be waking people up. I went on without showing myself . . .

Bébert is the young boy he went to extraordinary lengths to try to save. Bardamu says:

I was much more interested in preventing Bébert from dying than if he had been an adult. You never mind very much when an adult passes on. If nothing else, you say to yourself, it's one less stinker on earth, but with a child you can never be so sure. There's always the future.

He can't save him and ends up simply putting on a show for the mother's sake:

"Camomile!" Bébert murmured faintly, an echo submerged in his fever. Why try to tell her different? I'd go through the two or three professional motions she expected of me, and then I'd go and face the night, not at all pleased with myself, because, like my mother, I could never feel entirely innocent of any horrible thing that happened.

He meets an old woman near the Saint-Georges Métro station.

[She] was wailing about her granddaughter in the hospital, stricken with meningitis, so she said.

[…]

With that as an excuse, she was taking up a collection. With me she was out of luck. All I could give her was words. I told her about little Bébert and also about a little girl I'd taken care of in Paris, who had died of meningitis while I was in medical school. It had taken her three weeks to die, and her mother in the bed next to hers was so unhappy she couldn't sleep, so she masturbated the whole three weeks, and even when it was all over there was no way of stopping her.

Which goes to show that we can't do without our pleasures for so much as a second, and that it's very hard to be really unhappy. Life is like that.

For all Bardamu looks down on humanity it is not from a great height. He is well aware of what he is. The only difference he might argue is level of clarity; he doesn't pretend to be what he is not except perhaps in job interviews where the less said the better: caveat emptor. If the war has taught him one thing it's that people will do galleywhatever is necessary to survive and so when things don't go his way—for example when he gets sold into slavery after abandoning his post in Africa (probably a fantasy provoked by fever)—he is nothing if not philosophical about his plight and might have stayed in that state longer had the galley (an honest to goodness Spanish slave galley) not taken him exactly (and a little conveniently) where he wanted to go: America. He hasn't even left Ellis Island when he's fallen into a job as a flea counter, something he has developed a talent for:

One two three I reeled off the little spiel I had prepared. "I believe in the enumeration of fleas! It's a civilizing factor, because enumeration is the basis of the most invaluable statistical data! ... A progressive country must know the number of its fleas, broken down according to sex, age group, year and season . . .”

It is a job he excels at and his successes earn his immediate boss a promotion which means Bardamu can step into his boss's shoes—it's the American way—but what does he do? He indulges his "mania for running away from everywhere in search of God knows what" and never looks back. This whole episode is farcical and that is typical of the book, the way it provides 'light' relief from all the doom and gloom. After he has fled Ellis Island he's concerned that he might attract the unwanted attention of the authorities. To avoid a cop he slips into what turns out to be a public convenience:

It so happened that just to one side of my bench there was a big hole in the sidewalk, something like the Metro at home. That hole seemed propitious, so vast, with a stairway all of pink marble inside it. I'd seen quite a few people from the street disappear into it and come out again. It was in that underground vault that they answered the call of nature. I caught on right away. The hall where the business was done was likewise of marble. A kind of swimming pool, but drained of all its water, a fetid swimming pool, filled only with filtered, moribund light, which fell on the forms of unbuttoned men surrounded by their smells, red in the face from the effect of expelling their stinking faeces with barbarous noises in front of everybody.

Men among men, all free and easy, they laughed and joked and cheered one another on, it made me think of a football game. The first thing you did when you got there was to take off your jacket, as if in preparation for strenuous exercise. This was a rite and shirtsleeves were the uniform.

In that state of undress, belching and worse, gesticulating like lunatics, they settled down in the faecal grotto. The new arrivals were assailed with a thousand revolting jokes while descending the stairs from the street, but they all seemed delighted.

The morose aloofness of the men on the street above was equalled only by the air of liberation and rejoicing that came over them at the prospect of emptying their bowels in tumultuous company.

The splotched and spotted doors to the cabins hung loose, wrenched from their hinges. Some customers went from one cell to another for a little chat, those waiting for an empty seat smoked heavy cigars and slapped the backs of the obstinately toiling occupants, who sat there straining with their heads between their hands. Some groaned like wounded men or women in labour. The constipated were threatened with ingenious tortures.

When a gush of water announced a vacancy, the clamour around the free compartment redoubled, and as often as not a coin would be tossed for its possession. No sooner read, newspapers, though as thick as pillows, were dismembered by the horde of rectal toilers. The smoke made it hard to distinguish faces, and the smells deterred me from going too close.

To a foreigner the contrast was disconcerting. Such free-and-easy intimacy, such extraordinary intestinal familiarity, and up on the street such perfect restraint. It left me stunned.

I returned to the light of day by the same stairway and went back to the same bench to rest.

This is characteristic of the uncompromising and graphic way in which Bardamu perceives things. At the start of the book his colonel is killed right in front of him and this is how he describes it:

As for the colonel, I didn't wish him any hard luck. But he was dead too. At first I didn't see him. The blast had carried him up the embankment and laid him down on his side, right in the arms of the dismounted cavalryman, the courier, who was finished too. They were embracing each other for the moment and for all eternity, but the cavalryman's head was gone, all he had was an opening at the top of the neck, with blood in it bubbling and glugging like jam in a kettle. The colonel's belly was wide open, and he was making a nasty face about it. It must have hurt when it happened. Tough shit for him! If he'd beat it when the shooting started, it wouldn't have happened.

I'm not going to tell you what happens to Bardamu in the end other than to say that were it not for the continual reappearance of Robinson and the trouble that follows him around like a lost puppy, there really wouldn't be much of a story and, to be honest, there isn't much of a story. He trudges from A to B to C to D and on, through mud, through jungle, along congested streets by day and down empty streets by night. Once he's used a place up he moves on. He's not exactly running from or to anything. He simply can't sit still. I guess he imagines it'll be harder for Fate to hit a moving target.

It's hard to see looking back just how radical this book was—not so much in its sentiment (everyone was in the throes of existential angst back then) but its style. He presents an "extraordinary linguistic mélange"[9] that, at its most extreme, reminds one of the stream of consciousness writings of Joyce. "Style," as defined by Proust, "is not an embellishment as certain people think, it is not even a master of technique, it is—like the colours with painters—a quality of vision, the revelation of the private universe that each one of us can see and which others cannot see"[10] and Céline writes with great style. In addition to an exceedingly casual use of language—"Me, I've slipped the spoken word into print. In one sole shot,"[11] he boasted in interview—he probably uses ellipses more than any other writer, although, from all accounts, he uses them even more in later books:

This stylistic trait, which Celine would later designate as the "ties' of his "métro emotif," gives Céline's writing its particular pulsating rhythm. Dislocated phrases, the connective tissue between them having been replaced by ellipsis points, are meant to bombard the reader with almost explosive verbal energy.[12]

nauseaIf you like Beckett (the trilogy and the novellas), Sartre (Nausea), Malraux (Man's Fate), Bukowski (Post Office) and Camus (The Outsider, The Plague) then this is a book you will very likely enjoy. Not sure 'enjoy' is the right word but it'll do for now. "Céline raises his negative feelings to the level of art, and makes it easy for us to admire the virtuosity of their expression. If he hoped to lower our spirits, by bringing us to share his own gloomy philosophy of life, then he failed … its effect is the opposite."[13]

Finally a word on the translation. To this end I defer to the Amazon commenter H Tuco who writes:

Some people swear by the newer Manheim translations as the absolute best, but I for one, found them a little too willing to please 'hip' American audiences by using certain more popular forms of speech, at the expense of a stronger but more restrictively high-brow literary quality. That's why I say, read the Manheim versions but don't ignore the older translations available in the libraries , some of them are brilliant and turn Céline into a much more refined writer than Manheim, even if the curse words are toned down and euphemised. Of course, most French people will tell you that it's absolutely ridiculous to read Céline in anything but French!

And in response Chad W. Post over at Three Percent:

The two translations [John Marks’s and Ralph Manheim’s translation of Céline’s Journey to the End of the Night] are so different, line by line, word by word, that it is obviously extremely difficult, requiring much ingenuity, judgement and (presumably) compromise, to render Céline’s language into English. More interestingly, though, the distinctive lineaments of Céline’s creation emerge so unmistakably from both translations that, though made of words, they seem impervious to words. The ideas are too cool not to make it across. (Within limits, obviously; they are immune to the fluctuations of skilled translators doing their level best by the work.) This, and not premature senility or recollected mania, was why I’d felt such ennui reading Manheim’s new translation: I was expecting a revelation, but I’d already had it. Manheim’s new version was more smoothly readable while more sharply particular, grittier, earthier, an improvement in most (not all) ways over Marks’s fifty-year-old, and now a little fusty and clunky by comparison, original. But —

[…]

Personally, the Manheim is the one I prefer. Possibly because that’s the one I’m familiar with, the Céline I know, but I think it goes beyond that. Manheim is more direct, vulgar, and vivid. His translation leaps and crackles in a jangly, almost out-of-control way that I find captivating . . .[14]

Having only read Manheim's I really can't say but I agree with Post's description. You can read an extract from the book on Alma's site here. Judge for yourself.

One last thing: the title of this book is Journey to the End of the Night not A Long Day's Journey into Night which is a play by Eugene O'Neill. Ask me in a week's time what the book's title was and I bet I get it wrong.

***

P.S. For the record, after my wife had edited this, she asked me what the name of the book was and I did indeed get it wrong.


REFERENCES


[1]Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit, jeanttewinterson.com

[2] Andrew Irving, 'Journey to the End of the Night: Disillusion and Derangement among the Senses', Journeys, Volume 9, Issue 2, p.142

[3] Alexander Styhre, 'Céline and the aesthetics of hyperbole: Style, points, parataxis and other literary devices' in ephemera vol.11(3), p.260

[4] Will Self, 'Céline’s Dark Journey', The New York Times, 10 September 2006

[5] Merlin Thomas, Louis-Ferdinand Céline, p.49

[6] J. H. Matthews, The Inner Self: Céline as Novelist, p.50

[7] Merlin Thomas, Louis-Ferdinand Céline, p.44

[8] J. H. Matthews, The Inner Self: Céline as Novelist, p.51

[9] Alexander Styhre, 'Céline and the aesthetics of hyperbole: Style, points, parataxis and other literary devices' in ephemera vol.11(3), p.262

[10] Marcel Proust, Days of Reading, trans. J. Sturrock, p.119

[11]'Louis-Ferdinand Céline, The Art of Fiction No. 33', The Paris Review, Winter-Spring 1964, No. 31

[12] Philip H. Solomon, Night Voyager: A Reading of Céline, p.4

[13] John Sturrock, Céline: Journey to the End of the Night, p.1

[14] Chad W Post, 'CNQ: The Translation Issue', Three Percent, 17 July 2008

Article 7

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Soundtracks

Music is the soundtrack of your life. – Dick Clark



As a writer it’s generally taken for granted that I would be passionate about books and I am but if you asked me if I had to live without words or music I would have to stop and think about it—seriously. I have another passion that I mention occasionally—it goes on my CV as a hobby but I’ve never much liked the word—and that’s the cinema. In Scotland we talk about going to the pictures rather than going to the movies or even going to see a film. The first film I ever went to see at the George in 1962 was a live action Disney film, The Legend of Lobo. I howled—no, not like a wolf, like a three-year-old boy who’d seen the most tragic thing he’d ever seen. How could they do this kind of thing to wee kids? Seriously, the film had a real effect on me. In my mind through it’s always been called Lobo, the Lonely Wolf, and it wasn’t until I looked it up on the Internet that I discovered the proper title.

There was no dialogue in the film; the only interpretation is through a story-song composed and sung by the Sons of the Pioneers, and narrated by Rex Allen. I don’t recall any of that I’m afraid. And that has so often been the case when it comes to the films I saw growing up. Oh, a name would appear in the credits: Elmer Bernstein, Dimitri Tiomkin, Bernard Herrmann, Miklos Rozsa, but none of these really meant anything to me; I was too engrossed in the stories and the only time I really paid attention to the music was during the titles. And that probably continued until the early seventies when A Fistful of Dollars was first shown on TV in the UK. It was made in 1964 but there was no way I was going to get to see a film like that when I was five. This was a landmark film for me and for the Italian composer Ennio Morricone.

As budget strictures limited Morricone's access to a full orchestra, he used gunshots, cracking whips, whistle, voices, guimbarde (jaw harp), trumpets, and the new Fender electric guitar, instead of orchestral arrangements of Western standards à la John Ford. Morricone used his special effects to punctuate and comically tweak the action—cluing in the audience to the taciturn man's ironic stance. Though sonically bizarre for a movie score, Morricone's music was viscerally true to Leone's vision. – Wikipedia

I have no idea how many times I have seen this and the other two films in the Dollars Trilogy—many, many times—but the one thing I never tire of it the music in fact it was listening to the soundtrack to A Fistful of Dollars that reminded me to write this post. I always have music playing. In the last article I talked about some of the classical music I have enjoyed and continue to enjoy; in this article I’m going to focus on soundtracks and Morricone is a good place to start. He has written music to accompany some 500 films and television series in a career lasting over 50 years. Here’s the title music to For a Few Dollars More:

Seriously this makes my hair stand on end and being as hirsute as I am you can imagine how that feels. For many, though, their awareness of Morricone begins and ends with spaghetti westerns—he ended up composing scores for over forty westerns—but that’s only a fraction of his output. The next piece by him that struck me was the title music for a TV series called An Englishman's Castlefirst broadcast in 1978. The story was set in an alternate timeline in which Nazi Germany has won World War II and occupied Britain. This wasn’t the first time the music has been used and it was used again only a few years later as the title music for The Life and Times of David Lloyd George when it was released as a single and reached No.2 in the UK charts.

One of my favourite scores by him is for The Legend of 1900 about a man born onboard a ship and who lives out his entire life there while also managing to become an outstanding pianist. Haunting. And a damn good film, too, by the way.

And if you think that is good just listen to the same tune with Roger Waters doing the vocals. This is not music to write over. But indulge me:

I’m not sure that Morricone was the first film composer I heard being talked about. I probably heard the name and promptly forgot it. The first composer I heard people talking about was actually John Williams who has been on the go just as long as Morricone; the Italian is only four years older. The thing they were talking about—it was probably on TV—was Williams’ reintroduction of the concept of leitmotif. I knew about that from studying music at school. Now, it’s his trademark. Richard Wagner is the composer most often associated with leitmotifs. His cycle of four operas, Der Ring des Nibelungen uses dozens of them, often related to specific characters, things, or situations. It’s not new even in terms of films—just think of ‘Lara’s Theme’ from Doctor Zhivago—but Williams made it his own in Jaws: the shark’s theme was integral to the power of the film. It’s not music I’d stick on to write over, mind, although I have a fair number of soundtracks by him that I’m happy to listen to while I write. Of course I was aware of his work before Jaws being a great fan of Irwin Allen's showsLost in Space, The Time Tunnel and Land of the Giants on which he worked, nodding frequently to composers of Golden Age Hollywood like Herrmann, Steiner, Korngold and Waxman and you can see their influence in his score for Star Wars although I have grown a little tired of it, personally. I much preferred his score to Superman:

I once heard a local brass band play the titles at the mouth of a shopping mall and I was seriously impressed. Had a look online and there are a few covers but mostly they murder the piece.

He tends to be associated with big tunes; blockbusters and there is no doubt the man can write a good tune but, for me, one of his finest scores has to be Schindler's List. I, as often is the case, heard the score before getting round to seeing the film—I only saw it sometime later on TV—and so I’ve never associated the music with the film; it stands, as all truly great music should, on its own. I have several great albums to quite mediocre films. Anyway I defy anyone to hear this and not be moved:

Another contemporary of these two great composers is Jerry Goldsmith who also started off writing incidental music for shows like The Man from U.N.C.L.E. and The Twilight Zone. To my mind Goldman—much like the younger composer Danny Elfman who I’ll come back to—is at his best when writing powerhouse scores like Alien, Total Recall and the original Planet of the Apes film. Not always the easiest stuff to work over but I regularly listen to all of his Star Trekscores; Star Trek: First Contact is probably my favourite though and here is a nice excerpt. The main theme makes my hair stand on end every time I hear it. String writing of the finest order.

On the whole, though, while writing I’m looking for work that doesn’t overpower or distract me so I tend to shy away from soundtracks to action or horror films, although I could recommend quite a few. For the rest of this article I’m going to focus on composers of gentler soundtracks. At the moment, for example, I’m listening to Sylvia by Gabriel Yared. Yared is a Lebanese composer who I first became aware of when I saw the film Betty Blue but I’ll always jump at a chance to listen to a new piece by him. He’s probably best known for his scores to An English Patient and Cold Mountain but here’s a nice short suite based on what I’m listening to just now:

Composers and directors often find themselves working together over and over again if their early collaborations are successful. Anthony Minghella sought out Yared after hearing his work on Betty Blue and they did several films together. The same is true of Tim Burton; his composer of choice is Danny Elfman. Elfman is another prolific film composer best known for, of all things, the theme tune to The Simpsons. That aside, it’s not hard to see the influences of Nino Rota and Bernard Herrmann in his work although, on the classical side, he’s definitely indebted to the Russians. He does a lot of action and science fiction work, things like Batman, the remake of Planet of the Apes, Spider-Manand Hulk, work that goes well along with the images but isn’t always that memorable after the show’s over but, again, it’s his gentler work that works best to write to like his scores to Sommersby, Black Beautyand Big Fish. Here is the main theme from Dolores Claiborne. The person who posted this added a note: “Enjoy. Remember...close your eyes and turn it up.”

M. Night Shyamalan’s go-to composer is James Newton Howardand the first three films they worked on together are—arguably—the best work that either of them did. I’m talking about The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable and Signs. Of the three, if I had to pick, I’d probably go with Unbreakable but it would be a hard call. Again the odds are he is probably better known for writing the title music to the TV series ER than anything else. He’s another composer whose work I would buy purely based on the name irrespective of the quality of the film it supported. The example I’m going to leave you with is from The Village which I actually liked as a film. It probably marked the turning point for M. Night Shyamalan as a director but the soundtrack stands up well on its own:

Alexandre Desplat is a composer whose work I know well. Like all those listed above he has been in the business for years and has tackled movies of all kinds from gentle films like Birth and Tamara Drew up to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Parts I and II. It’s a fairly recent score that has jumped into my current list of favourite scores and is a good example of how a great score can be hidden under a mediocre film. That film was Extremely Loud and Incredibly Closeand I’ve heard little to recommend it but the soundtrack is wonderful. It wasn’t even nominated for an Oscar this year but then (criminally) neither were his scores to The Ides of March or Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II. The clip I’m going to leave you with is 'The Candidate' from The Ides of March.

Thomas Newmanwill be known forever (by me at least) as the composer of the theme tune to Six Feet Under. He’s been nominated for Oscars a few times but always seems to get pipped to the post. He’s not a composer I jump to hear—I find his work a little samey and I don’t just mean ‘instantly recognisable’ in the same way as you can usually tell a symphony by Beethoven after a few bars—but he has produced a few scores that I would recommend: Meet Joe Black, The Horse Whispererand In the Bedroom for example. Here’s an example from Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events:

Someone left a note under this piece in YouTube, “Just brilliant. I would say his music is just as good as Hans Zimmer's or John Williams.” It’s an opinion. I’m not sure I agree with it but whoever said that has reminded me that I haven’t mentioned Zimmer yet. I expect these days he’s best known for his soundtracks to The Lion Kingand Gladiator. I actually remember him first for his brief stint in the pop group The Buggles. (You can catch a quick glimpse of him in the music video for their 1979 single ‘Video Killed the Radio Star’.)

A lot of the time he collaborates these days or splits the work. For example the credits to The Dark Knightlists both Zimmer and Newton Howard and he credits Lisa Gerrard on Gladiator because, as he says, “[E]ven though she didn't write the main theme, her presence and contributions were very influential. She was more than just a soloist.” Once again I’m going to highlight one of his gentler scores, Driving Miss Daisy:

Which brings me to women. Where are all the women, Jim? Well, the sad fact is that, as is the case with the classical music world, the male of the species dominates but just as there are up and coming female directors, there are a number of women out there who are holding their own. There is a list on Wikipedia but, as you’ll see, it only mentions a handful, thirty-six when I counted, but if you’d asked me to list all the female composers who are working today that I could think of these are the only ones I would have come up with off the top of my head: Rachel Portman, Debbie Wiseman, Anne Dudley, Jocelyn Pook and Lisa Gerrard and I have something by all five of them.

Rachel Portman was the first female composer to win an Academy Award in the category of Best Original Score (for Emma in 1996). Anne Dudley won in 1997 for The Full Monty. These were awards, however, for the best musical or comedy scores; no woman has yet won the award for the best dramatic score. (I know Nicola Piovani won for Life is Beautiful in 1998, but he’s an Italian male in spite of the name.) These are the only two wins to date although Portman has been nominated a couple of times since for The Cider House Rulesand Chocolat. She is another one of those composers whose work I would buy purely based on her name. Here is a lovely suite from the film Grey Gardens although I have no idea what the photo of the dancer is all about; it has nothing to do with the film:

Debbie Wisemanstill does a great deal of TV work—the list on her website just goes on and on—and I think it’s sad that often so much of this work never makes it to disc. A perfect example of this was the music written by Mark Snow for The X-Filesand Millenniumof which very little was ever released commercially. (I got a bootleg from someplace—don’t ask.) The work I’d like to share though is from the film Flood featuring vocals by Hayley Westenra. Normally I avoid vocal music but this isn’t so intrusive you find yourself listening to the lyrics:

One person whose lyrics you’ll never have a problem with is Lisa Gerrard. She is the most unique lyricist comparable to Sigur Rós or The Cocteau Twins with maybe a touch of Enya in there. She makes up words to go with her melodies and although at first you think she’s improvising, as a scat singer might using nonsensical meaningless non-morphemic syllables to imitate the sound of instruments, it’s not until you see her in rehearsals to realise that she is repeating the same sounds every time; fascinating to watch. Like many soundtrack composers she began life in a band—in her case Dead Can Dance—where she developed her idioglossic style; essentially she sings in a made-up language. The first album I bought (knowing nothing about her at the time) was Whale Rider; as it happens this was the first soundtrack that consisted purely of solo material and I was hooked right there and then and started to look for more. The films I found her attached to, considering her haunting style (there’s no other word to describe it), are diverse: Ali, Man on Fire, Constantine, Priest although she usually only contributes; Whale Rider is an exception. Actually the first time I heard her was as a singer: she does those amazing vocals that accompany the Farscape TV show. A track from Whale Rider:

You know it’s not until you start work on an article like this that you begin to realise just what an impossible task you’ve set yourself. Here I am about 3000 words into it and I’ve talked about less than a dozen composers and there are so many others I would like to mention. I know, I know, I could spread this article over several posts but really what I’m wanting to do here is set you off to discover your own soundtracks. In many cases when you’re watching a film you’ll be pretty oblivious to the music although there are some exceptions. Top of my list there would have to be The Hours where Philip Glass’ music, for me anyway, dominates the film; it is probably my all time favourite soundtrack. Glass is an oddity in that he manages to straddle the worlds of classical composing and film soundtrack composing like no other composer out there. Oh there are plenty of dabblers on both sides of the fence but no one like Glass. When I went to buy the separates that would make up my music system I took along a few CDs to test the quality. To test the bass I played the opening track to the film Koyaanisqatsi, a wonderful piece. The entire soundtrack is maybe not the best to work over—it can get a bit hectic a times—but this is just one superb piece of music. Here's the finale:

This is the first of a trilogy of films by Ron Fricke all of which have soundtracks by Glass; the other two are Powaqqatsi and Naqoyqatsi. I have a huge collection of his music and, hence, most of his soundtracks and there’s not a dud in the lot apart from the version of The Thin Blue Line with all the dialogue. (Who does that?) Kundun got him an Oscar nomination; The Truman Show won him one. If I found a new soundtrack by him I would pick it up without reservation; he never disappoints although can also feel as if he’s repeating himself especially since the same tracks keep getting slipped into films; e.g. two tracks from Koyaanisqatsi ended up in Watchmen which also included two other Glass pieces: ‘Something She Has To Do’ (from The Hours) and ‘Protest (Act II Scene 3)’ (from his opera Satyagraha).

A lot of people have odd ideas about classical music and yet they watch films with orchestral scores without batting a eye. I wonder how many kids have watched all the Harry Potter films and subsequently listened to several hours of symphony orchestras and yet have never heard a symphony by Beethoven or Mozart or Bach? For a long time I steered clear of many of the most well known names in the classical music scene, not because I’d not heard all of Beethoven’s symphonies (I’d done that by nineteen) but because I’d convinced myself that new music was so much better. It’s not but I had to grow in my appreciation for it so perhaps I should have posted this article first before the one I wrote on my love of classical music. It doesn’t matter. There is so much stuff out there to listen to. I’m always looking to broaden my range of experiences and the whole point of articles like this is to encourage you to do so too. Let me leave you with a little list of some of my favourite soundtracks to write to, in no particular order. All the links are to videos on YouTube. Enjoy.

You do realise I could have written this entire post using a completely different set of composers.

And if all this isn’t enough you might want to work your way through 150 Masterpieces of Films' Soundtracks.

Too Much Too Young

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Book SlamOn the Book Slam website they describe themselves as follows:

Book Slam is London’s first/ best/ only literary nightclub, which features all the top writers, the finest live music and a semi-professional Serbian DJ. Our guests have included the likes of Hanif Kureishi, Dave Eggers, Adele, Nick Hornby, Kate Nash and many more. You should come. It’s fun.

I've never been able to think of writing as the new rock 'n' roll although, according to Google, it might as well stake its claim since so many less believable others (economics, knitting, bingo) have already nailed their faith to the sticking pole. So why not writing?

I got an e-mail a few weeks back from Book Slam's nice PR lady offering me a book for review. The book, a short story anthology, Too Much Too Young – Volume 2, follows on from last year's One For The Trouble – Volume 1. Seems like this is going to be an annual event. Both are collections of "specially commissioned, exclusive new stories from the event’s illustrious alumni". "[I]llustrious alumni", eh? Book Slam’s founder, novelist, Patrick Neate, had this to say:

Doing something a second time is arguably always harder than the first time around, so we’re hugely proud to publish such an excellent, diverse collection that so accurately reflects the Book Slam ethos – twelve authors, some you will have heard of, some not, and each writing at the very peak of their powers.

I didn't know a single name. But then I'm not good with names. I decided not to bother looking anyone up although when I got to the bios at the end I recognised the titles of several books even if the names hadn't stuck. I read the book, two stories a night over six nights. And they were good. They were real stories about real people in believable situations; modern stories too; slices of life. I like stories like that. I'm sure they all had beginnings, middles and ends but not so you'd notice. They weren't too short; they weren't too long. They were exactly my cup of tea.

It's hard to review a short story collection especially one containing twelve different authors. I've no idea how these particular stories were chosen but my suspicion is that they weren't. I expect the authors simply handed in their assignments and the editor was just very lucky to get eleven—there was one I wasn't too keen on—that work very well together.

Each short story is inspired by a song title. In 'Every Time We Say Goodbye' Ella Fitzgerald's songs are an integral part of the story but for most it wouldn't matter if you'd never heard of the song (or the band in my case) before. The whole book is loosely-themed around The Specials’'Too Much Too Young' although there are a few old people to be found in here, too. Maybe it's my age but they were my favourites.

I heartily recommend this book. I think the signed hardback for £20 sounds like a terrific Christmas gift. Below you'll find a few thoughts and excerpts for all twelve stories in order which makes this a very long post but I think it's only fair. I have my favourites and I say which they are but they may not be yours. And that's as it should be.

 

DavidNichollsA Little Soul (Pulp, 1998) by David Nicholls

This has been done before so many times. The Wonder Years, My So-Called Life, The Simpsons and loads others all have some variation of this trope: the new or substitute teacher who opens the protagonist's eyes. In this story we are introduced to young Douglas Miller:

In truth, Douglas Miller did not really believe in the beauty of the English language. The four hours a week he spent studying the subject were wasted time to an unremarkable boy of fifteen. Why study something that people used without thinking? At least with French or German or Italian, there was some knowledge involved, vocab and hard facts, but to study his own language was like studying chewing or standing up. Language was a tool. Books were what you read on the beach when the sun was too bright for the screen on your phone.

Mr Arnold, his regular teacher, falls ill and Douglas's salvation comes in the form of substitute teacher Ms Wisniewski:

Everything about Ms Wisniewski was different: the defiant buzz of the ‘Ms’ and the bundles of high-scoring consonants in her name as she spelt it out on the whiteboard, the way she perched on the edge of her desk rather than hiding behind it, the way her dark eyes took them in one by one, all of them, not just the poets and actors of the front row.

Okay so we really have two tropes at work here. Not only is Ms Wisniewski 'the cool teacher' she is also 'the hot teacher'. An added bonus. And Douglas falls for her in both ways.

He began by rolling up the sleeves of his blazer. He parted his hair this way and that, tried fat and skinny knots in his school tie and decided to go for skinny. He didn’t volunteer to read in class, he didn’t answer too many questions, he merely sat and assumed an air of charismatic intensity as Ms Wisniewski talked about sonnet form and iambic pentameter, alliteration and ambiguity, similes and metaphors. He discovered that Animal Farmwas not really about a farm, that a word could have more than one meaning, sometimes many more, and that happy endings weren’t always as happy as they first seemed. He cried at Of Mice and Men, but in a quiet, manful way, not like Hugo Barrett, who practically had a nervous breakdown. That night, he surprised his mother by asking if she could buy him some alfalfa.

Okay by the end I might not have felt like standing on my desk and declaiming, "O Captain! My Captain!" but it was enjoyable and I related to the protagonist. Unfortunately in my case our substitute teacher looked like Ginsberg and we chewed him up and spat out the pieces but, hey, we're Scottish; we take no prisoners.

 

DianaEvansAnother Saturday Night (Sam Cooke, 1963) by Diana Evans

Lorraine is on her way back from the theatre one night; she boards a crowded train going south at London Bridge and once settled in her seat notices someone watching her.

He was sitting in one of the booths straight ahead, wearing a black raincoat, his face round and weathered, breaking towards middle age. It took her a few moments to realize who it was. It was Eddy.

I doubt there's one of us who hasn't wiled away a few minutes thinking what-if or if-only. People grow up, grow apart, move on, forget to call, lose touch and then, every now and then, we run into one of them, can see immediately that they're not the person they used to be and realise right after they're thinking exactly the same about you.

The change in Eddy is significant, though, because this is what he used to be like:

The thing about him was that he was sensual. He was not handsome like Steven [Eddy's cousin], but there was a heat and a wisdom inside him that brought people near, as if to warm their hands. He looked at a woman as if she were wax and he flame. His wide, cushiony, curvaceous chest and the thick, embracing arms, there was a notion of elasticity in him, that he could contain many loves, many promises, and therefore belong to no one. By birth he was Guyanese, though he thought of himself as African. He wore a Nefertiti pendant on a black leather cord around his neck. He was serious about most things, but there was always a hint of a smile at his lips.

Most of the story is told looking back—we readers have a lot of catching up to do—but once we're up to speed and Eddy asks for her phone number the question we want answered more than anything else is: Can you just pick up things where you left off?

 

JeremyDysonHave Some Madeira, M’Dear (Flanders & Swann, 1956) by Jeremy Dyson

Dyson's was the only name in this list I thought I might have known. I should have because I'd got a book of his through the post the day before to review which shows you how bad I am with names.

The illustration that goes with this story—each one is preceded by a black and white doodle—was of a space shuttle (more like a Star Trek shuttlecraft than a NASA one) and so I wondered if we were in for a wee bit of science fiction here but we weren't. Marshall is eleven—nearly twelve (which is an important distinction at that age)—and has a bit of an imagination; a cardboard box can still serve as the shell of a spacecraft.

That box was heaven. It became his own spaceship: he had only to climb inside it and he was hurtling through the blackness of space, safe inside, the most exciting adventure imaginable just beginning. He had spent hours there.

He's on holiday in Madeira with his parents and his older (and archetypal) brother Howard who insists on calling him "Sport" although Marshall doesn't get the joke; he doesn't get a lot of things. Marshall is, to be honest, a wee bit gullible:

‘What does it mean, then?’ said Howard, smelling Marshall’s ignorance.

Marshall looked down at the wooden box of Lego, hoping he could disguise the sudden flash of shame at his own lack of worldliness.

‘It’s all right – I’ll tell you what it means.’

Marshall looked up, hopeful. Howard was capable of occasional acts of generosity, passing on prized knowledge like a gift. ‘It’s when you sit on the toilet, thinking.’

‘Yeah,’ said Marshall, trying to digest this.

‘You know, when you’re sat on the toilet, thinking about stuff.’

‘Yeah,’ he said again. He did know. He did like to think about things when he was pooing.

‘Well, that’s called wanking. Having a wank.’

‘Ream,’ said Marshall, taking it in. Later, he glowed with the acquisition of this knowledge. It was something he could take away with him to Funchal.

You can just imagine how that's going to play out and after it has Marshall decides he needs some time alone and decides to go for a walk along a path that leads up a mountain to what he thinks at first is an old church.

Are they trying to disguise something? Maybe there was a lift inside. Maybe it led to some kind of secret underground base, hidden inside the mountain. Wouldn’t it be guarded? He would have to proceed very carefully. Looking over his shoulder, searching behind the bushes, he checked there was nobody outside. Then he crept, as silently as he could, up the rest of the hill.

He gets caught away with his childhood fantasies and then witnesses something that he wished was every bit as far in the future as space ships Things, events, people have been pulling at his innocence for a while now. He's been clinging onto childhood for dear life. People say that it's best to rip off a plaster. Marshall wouldn't agree.

 

MarinaLewyckaNot Exactly (Deadmau5, 2008) by Marina Lewycka

A man, Foster, goes for a job interview and, unusually, is told he's got the job there and then. He rushes home, suitably delighted, to tell his wife who narrates this tale for us.

I’d put a bottle of bubbly in the fridge this morning in anticipation. This job – so much depends on it. It means we can move out of this crummy basement studio into a place of our own. We can settle down and spread out. We can start a family. In my imagination I can already see a spacious modern flat, sunlight flooding in, a kitchen gleaming with high-spec appliances, open doors leading on to a leafy garden; Foster and me sipping a glass of wine together; he’s got a dog (Foster loves dogs), a big, hairy, good-natured mongrel, lounging at his feet. There’s a smell of blossom and babies in the air.

So what exactly will he be doing? That's not exactly clear.

If we're talking tropes here then the closest I could come up with would be 'Deal with the Devil'. The more Foster tries to explain what he expects to be doing the more concerned his wife becomes. What has her husband got himself involved with? To try to simplify matters Foster talks about the employer’s Aunt Valerie's unique approach to running a restaurant.

“Val’s Value Eaterie. Nothing over a pound.” Great concept – a low-cost, no-frills restaurant where nothing on the menu cost more than a pound. Proper food, too, better than the café. Big juicy steaks, fresh fish, golden fries cooked in sunflower oil, plenty of sauces, great creamy desserts, that sort of thing. The way he described it, I was nearly salivating.’

‘So how did it work?’

‘Brilliant concept. You place your order. Everything is so cheap, you order more than you really need. It seldom comes to more than a fiver in total. Great. Then they ask, “Would you like it cooked, sir?” That’s extra, of course. Cheaper if it’s cooked by a trainee – more for a qualified chef. You don’t want your steak ruined by a trainee, do you? Obviously if you want it brought to your table, rather than fetching it yourself from the kitchen, that’s extra, too. And they ask if you want to eat off the table or hire a plate to put it on. And you can also hire cutlery to eat it with. Tap water is free, of course, but you have to hire the glass – and you pay for the sauces, salt and pepper, bread. It all adds up. And if you want to use the loos at all during your meal, well, that’ll set you back several quid.’

Well, his new job is going to work along those lines. Only not with food.

This is pure satire. And a timely story too. It's already happening, people paying to jump queues or to get better service. And there are always hidden extras. Nothing is ever all-inclusive. Would you like to extend your warranty? Just bought a new car? Lovely! Would you like a number plate with that? Where will it all end?

 

EmyliaHallMe and Bobby McGee (Janis Joplin, 1971) by Emylia Hall

Every other Wednesday Robert met Linda, his only daughter, at The Falls. It was half pleasure park, half discount superstore, and it lay equidistant between their two homes; as good a place as any to share a cup of tea and pass the time of day. Robert enjoyed the interruption to his routine, even if that interruption had itself become as comfortable as his old moccasins. After each meeting, Robert suspected he ought somehow to feel rejuvenated, or at least thankful, but what he actually felt was increasingly decrepit. Linda had an unconscious way of eroding his energy. She would steer him by the elbow whenever steps loomed, and fret lines would furrow her brow if he ever paused in his search for the right word. To prove his continuing competence, to himself as much as his daughter, Robert strove for a well-spruced appearance and punctuality. He’d never got the hang of ironing, and invariably his chequered shirts were curled at the collar and creased at the cuff, but he always made sure they were tucked neatly into his jeans and his belt buckle was polished. He trimmed his beard and dabbed cologne and arrived on the button of three o’clock.

I meet my daughter for lunch like this. Our place is a nice restaurant off George Square in the centre of Glasgow and as much as we'd like it not to be I can't help feeling like it's a bit of an interview for each of us. I'm not as old as Robert but I will be one day and so I related strongly to this. I'm also a man who is fond of routine. It's safe.

After the regulation two hours Robert gets in his car, waves goodbye to his daughter and heads off home.

He didn’t see the girl until he almost hit her. She appeared in the gloom of the lane like a wood sprite. He jammed on the brakes, the car skewing slightly as it sought purchase on the wet road. Robert breathed deeply, relaxed his grip on the wheel and turned to stare at her. At first, she appeared to be made only of legs. They were long and slender and pale as milk and ran on and on. But then he noticed the boots she wore, caramel suede, fringed with tassels and dark with the rain. He didn’t think people went about in boots like that anymore, in magazines maybe, but not in the real world. She gave him a thumbs-up and mouthed something Robert couldn’t catch. He wound down his window. Outside the rain roared and a waterfall of drops fell from the trees like jungle splatter.

‘Good brakes, Grandpa,’ she said, bending down to him. ‘Thanks for stopping.’ Her lips formed a fearless grin.

He ends up giving her a lift and chiding her about the dangers of hitchhiking; taking her where she wants to go even though it’s miles and miles out of his way. She talks, he talks and the next thing you know he's waving goodbye to another girl—albeit one young enough to be his granddaughter.

This was a lovely character-driven story and I really thought it would end up being my favourite but that was still to come.

 

NikeshShuklaSafe from Harm (Massive Attack, 1991) by Nikesh Shukla

For me this story had too many characters. I'm sure younger readers won't struggle as much as I did but I got lost. Amal, Resham, Kai, Rana, Sabha, Dilip, Sunny, Anil, Nita and Kalip all blurred into one amorphous mass. In some respects that's the point because they were all part of the pack. That's how the narrator thinks of the group too:

The Year of the Pack Animal came while I was living in Toronto for work. I missed the crew so much. They kept me safe from harm. They were all mine. That year I was placed in one of the great party cities in the world and I lived between two computer screens – my work laptop that carried all my designs and html codes and ideas, and my home computer with my home email streaming social invites to events I wasn’t around to attend, photos of nights I hadn’t seen the back of, and email round robins instigating new in-jokes I’d never be party to.

I watched the group from the outside. I watched Sunny’s photography take a darker approach towards women. He would scrawl ‘I fucking love you’ with a compass on every new image before rescanning it, reappropriated with his reignited love for Kapil’s sister. I watched Rana leave his safety job as a management consultant to pursue music. His Twitter and Facebook streams told me everything about his life: he downgraded from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’, posted up pictures of all the drinks he was imbibing and geo-tagged himself at every club in our ends. As a spectator, I found it easy to piece together my friends’ lives from emails, MySpace messages and Facebook photos. Kai sent me videos of the crew singing my favourite songs to me. At the start of the video, you’d hear her voice instructing everyone to get into place, synchronize harmonies and start at the same time before bellowing out the choruses from the corner of whatever pub they found themselves in. Nita was always the most tuneful. Dilip was always the one laughing.

I have hung around with others in large groups in the past but they generally disintegrated into smaller, more manageable friendships; I never really got the whole Friendsgang thing and that's really what we have here. We get to watch this group over several years as it expands and contracts—as it breathes—like a living thing, as it goes through good times and bad. This is how things end:

The whole crew met that night … We joked that it was because we Indians needed to stick together. We had all come from similar beginnings. Kai, as we danced in a circle, said we felt like a family. Everyone laughed but I felt a tinge of something, a yearning for this to be home. We were drunk and delirious. We were dancing in unison. The family that danced together stayed together. It was the most perfect night I ever spent. Safe from harm.

It's not the end though. It's just end of the story which happens to revolve around British Asians but it's a far more universal tale. Everyone grows up.

 

JesseArmstrongLife During Wartime (Talking Heads, 1979) by Jesse Armstrong

The Minister of State for Defence gets a hand job from his special adviser. These things happen. Just ask Bill Clinton. It doesn't take much to start a war. Just ask the ghost of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria. What harm is there in a little light relief before looking "at the possible media fall-out associated with a reduction of RAF personnel on the Ascension Islands from a sabre-rattling seventeen to a less blood-curdling twelve"? Well the Minister of State for Defence soon finds out.

After being interrogated by his wife—just why did he feel the need to clean the shower and then put on a dirty shirt?—he escapes on a pretext, "a department thing":

On the street with a file under his arm, Leigh Fife was suddenly what he hadn’t been for a very long time: someone without anything to do. There was no ministerial car, of course. He began to walk, quite quickly, up the street. But to where? To where does one walk? What is a likely place for a person to walk unto? He breathed in deeply, attempting to convince himself that he might be enjoying a moment of calm in a busy life. But, fuck, that wasn’t a good interview he’d given his wife in there. Hot bastard shit motherfucker, he thought.

If you've ever sat there and watched any politician waffle on and on and never give a straight answer to a straight question and just wished someone would come along and ask that one question which would shut them up forever then this story is for you.

 

JackieKayEv'ry Time We Say Goodbye (Ella Fitzgerald, 1956) by Jackie Kay

Let's say you're a married woman and have been having an affair with another woman and want to finish things—do you not think that the last place you'd choose to do it would be at a "residential philosophy course at a house in Wales by the sea"? And yet that's exactly what happens here. People break up in all sorts of ways. Quick and painless isn't always the best way either.

We’d decided, in that illiberal lesbian way, to have rules about our love too early. Right from the beginning, we were already strict. How often were we allowed to see each other? Who could know about us? Whether we could tell our mothers. Whether we could ever go on holiday. Could we allow ourselves to watch Wallander? (The crimes were mainly against women.) And now, six months later, we were not much better. We had timed our break-up to fit in with the last episode of The Bridge .

This reminded me of an assisted suicide. Everyone knows it's coming—where, when and how—and although it's sad, knowing that you don't need to worry about it until x o'clock on y day must take the pressure off. There is time to say the things you want to say but never wanted to say until the last possible moment and here now you can because you know precisely when that moment is coming. Here's a nice representative passage:

We were lying in the dark, playing Ella over and over. We’d reached the slice of the night when we were heading for morning, and now we had only two nights left. We were trying to lengthen our time by getting just three hours’ sleep a night. We were light-headed, grief-struck, and a little hysterical. ‘What good is sitting alone in your room?’ I sang to you, preferring to quote lyrics than Confucius. ‘Have you heard the one about the dyslexic agnostic philosopher?’ you joked. ‘Stayed up all night wondering if there is a dog.’ ‘That’s an old one. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you for this,’ I said. ‘I’ll want revenge.’ You preferred Confucius: ‘Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.’ You smiled gravely. ‘You’re becoming really quite infuriating,’ I said. ‘Less lovable maybe?’ you said. ‘Is that your game plan?’ I said. ‘Oh, my God, it is! You are deliberately trying to alienate me so that it will hurt less!’ I shook you. ‘When anger rises, think of the consequences,’ you said, between fits of laughter. I hit you with my pillow. You hit me with your pillow. We indulged in a massive-childish-wind-blasting pillow fight. I gave you a thrashing. You were still trying to quote philosophy over the thumping of the pillows – ‘You … thwack … can discover … thump … more about a person … bop… in an hour of play than in a year of conversation’ – when one of the philosophers knocked on the door and asked if we could keep it down.

A lovely story about love.

 

CraigTaylorMaster of Puppets (Metallica, 1986) by Craig Taylor

This was the story I didn't take to. On reading it a second time I see what the problem was: there's more than one person speaking:

I seen her at the Staples near Woodgrove Mall.

I actually saw her just recently when I was out with my husband. I hadn’t thought of her in years. We were walking down by the harbour. It was his first time down near the marina. I grew up here; he didn’t. We’d moved back to my hometown. We just passed her by. No biggie.

Me? I almost literally ran into her. She was like hey man. I think that’s what she said. It was in some parking lot. One of the parking lots downtown.

Yeah I’ve seen her in town yeah. I’m a guy you know what I mean.

You know what the thing is with her? I’ll tell you. And the boys we used to know would say the same. She’s totally touchy about prom. Touchy about all that time we spent in the smoke pit behind the library, just touchy about everything high school. Just generally the past is like a no. Those nights at the Wastelands? She was touchy about them when I was talking to her. Who would be touchy about the Wastelands?

Knowing that helps but if struggled with half a dozen character names you can just imagine where my head was after a couple of pages of this. Now if Craig had indicated who was talking

FRED: I seen her at the Staples near Woodgrove Mall.

BETTY: I actually saw her just recently when I was out with my husband.

I would have been a lot happier. Too much hard work for me although I like the idea.

 

PatrickNeateWeaves and Magazines (Netsyi, 2009) by Patrick Neate

This story is told from the point of view of an old Zimbabwean, Gabriel. At the time of writing he's working for the Custers but there have been a number of families before them.

Thirty years ago, when I had already been in this line of work more than a decade, I used to say I was in a service industry. I said this only to amuse those I served. I responded to each and every request like this: ‘No problem, boss. After all, I am employed in a service industry.’ I then allowed my eyebrows a little skip to ensure we were all complicit in my joke.

They turned to their friends and said things like, ‘Christ! But the garden boy’s too clever, hey?’

And, knowing my wit was well-received, I smiled, childlike and ingratiating.

Since then he has learned his place and the dangers of being seen as too clever; of even having an opinion since it will likely be the wrong one, if not right then, then sooner or later. The Custers have a staff of three in additional to Gabriel—Samson the cook, Albert who helps Gabriel in the garden and Beverley the maid—and everything is ticking by nicely until the Custers decide to hire Kissy as a nanny. That this is set in a foreign country doesn't really change anything. What we have here is an Upstairs Downstairs scenario and these usually work fine as long as everyone, downstairs and upstairs knows their place. So the story as it unfolds here is not a new one—I'm pretty sure Upstairs Downstairs had a storyline dealing with it (Downton Abbey certainly did)—but it's interesting to see Gabriel's take on things. So this is a bit like seeing Shakespeare performed in modern dress.

 

SalenaGoddenMilord (Edith Piaf, 1959) by Salena Godden

This was not an easy read. Like all the other stories really it's simply a slice of life and we don't find out how everything plays out but we don't need to. We just need to spend enough time in Beatrice's shoes to get the point.

The prison cell in the back of the Gare du Nord is dark and small. There is one thin plastic mattress and no window. She is being detained. She’s not sure why or for how long. At least they took the cuffs off – she is thankful for small mercies. Her arms ache, her wrist bones are raw with welts and bruises. She rubs them, wincing with pain, flinching with humiliation and shame. The back of my hand is not supposed to reach the back of my neck. She shakes her head, seeing the flesh punctuated with mauve thumbprints. I always did bruise easily, but I sure won’t find handcuffs sexy again.

What the hell could she have done? Is this a murderess? Is she a drug smuggler? Maybe a terrorist? Nothing remotely like any of these.

Where are you? Paris. I’m in a police cell at the back of the Gare du Nord. Why? Because I got on the wrong Eurostar and … fuck … it’s too fucking stupid. Why won’t they let me take a piss? I’m not in fucking Midnight Express. Shit! Am I in Midnight Express Fuck! OK. Stop. Calm yourself. It’s not like they’ll kill us. It’s not like they’ll disappear us. They just want to scare us, to take us down a peg or two. Maybe they didn’t think we could afford first class. We were too big for our boots and they’re waiting for us to stop asking for luxuries, like lawyers and toilets. It’s a game of patience. Fuck patience. I want a cigarette. Where’s Hector?

Where the fuck is Hector?

That's it. She's got on the wrong train. This might be set in some totalitarian future. It's maybe not set today but, reading in between the lines, it could be set tomorrow. The author adds a note of explanation at the end of the story:

It is spring 2012 and Marine Le Pen, representing the far right Front National party, has just polled 17.9 per cent in the French presidential election. The result has been greeted with ‘surprise’ both in France and around the world. However, for right-wing supporters, Le Pen’s success represents ‘an explosion’ and ‘a major breakthrough’. That election result has compounded my desire to complete this story and share it with you as faithfully as I can.

 

ChrisCleaveWe’ll Meet Again (Vera Lynn, 1939) by Chris Cleave

This was by far my most favourite story. This was the one once I'd finished the book I had to tell my wife all about. Since she has elderly parents—both creeping up on ninety—and both a little demented (in more ways than one) she could relate completely with what happens here.

The story, such as it is, is a simple one.

My grandmother wasn’t going anywhere. She was the tooth that wobbled but wouldn’t let go, and time worried away at her with its tongue. It was an unequal struggle but I was on her side, if we have to pick one.

In her ninetieth year I thought it would be nice to get my grandmother online. I’m not the first grandchild who has begun such a project. It’s a favour my generation bestows on hers: we hook them up with the mess we’ve made. I arrived at her house with an inexpensive laptop that I’d bought before I left London, we set it up in her little front room, and she put out an antique lace mat for it on the beeswaxed occasional table.

She asked if the computer used the ordinary electricity, and when I confirmed that it did, she connected the power to the socket where she normally plugged in the Hoover.

The best Carrie's been able to manage with her folks is to set up a printer for her dad’s camera and something called MailBug which only sends and receives email. It is lovely, though, seeing how this visit plays out from the initial visit by the engineer to sort out the cabling to her grandson setting up e-mail accounts for her family plus one for her late husband of course. Dementia is a horrible thing and yet, somehow, Chris Cleave makes it sound beautiful:

I’d carefully planned the operation to get her online. I’d made arrangements for a cable connection ahead of time. On the installation day I’d spoken with the engineer on the phone, from the back of an airport taxi. I asked him how he intended to route the cable: would he run it along the top of the skirting, or the base? Really I was worried about his muddy boots on my grandmother’s carpet, and that she would be confused when he came.

The likelihood was that on the day he knocked, she would be living in another decade. For her, the year was a four-digit setting on a combination padlock and she had her thumbs on the tumblers, cheerfully trying out numbers and hoping for a click. If she opened the door one morning and found a sci-fi future out there, with the sky full of personal giro copters, with cold fusion reactors where her bedding plants used to be, she would afford the visitor no outward sign of her confusion. If the doorbell sounded and it was my grandfather, home from the war with his duffel bag, she wouldn’t be a bit surprised and they would simply take it from there.

[…]

He’d set up the Wi-Fi unit on the telephone table in the hallway. She’d waited until he was gone, I should think, before slipping a doily under it. At some point during the installation process, it’s likely she told the engineer that she ran the kindergarten from this house and that the telephone number was Lowestoft 8. He would have smiled indulgently, already knowing the eleven-digit number of her landline

This story does have an ending. (No, the old girl doesn't die.) It's a lovely ending too and if you only read one story from this collection—I believe they can be TooMuchTooYoungpurchased individually as e-texts—then this one is worth the 79p or whatever but as the whole book is only going for £1.99 (or £2.99 complete with audio) I'd go for the whole thing. The limited hardback for £20 which I mentioned at the start, signed by all the authors, doesn't sound actually that bad a price either.

Talulla Rising

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talulla rising

Talulla Rising is Murphy’s Law cranked up to eleven. Everything that can go wrong does, and in a spectacularly bloody fashion. – Alex Brown, Tor.com



Is Aliens a better film than Alien? I know, I know, I'm supposed to be reviewing a book about werewolves but can we just talk about aliens for the moment? In a BBC poll back in the day Aliens was voted the best film of all time by the British public and I recall Barry Norman noting that for a sequel to manage that was really quite an achievement. Because sequels are never as good as the originals, are they? I personally think that Alien is the better of the two but that's only my opinion and there will be others out there who'll argue tooth and nail that Cameron raised the bar when he made Aliens. The real problem with the comparison is that they are different films. At its core Alien is a horror film whereas Aliens is an action film. That they feature the same antagonist is by the by.

Talulla Rising is the sequel to The Last Werewolf. A third book is planned, By Blood We Live. Trilogies are in. And that's fine. I have nothing against trilogies. They come in two types through. The first is where a guy writes a book that does well and he thinks there might be a little more gas in the tank. A good example would be William McIlvanney's detective novel Laidlaw. I'm pretty sure he fully expected this to be a one-off and he would go back to being a serious novelist. The other kind of trilogy is the novel-in-three-books kind, i.e. The Lord of the Rings. Now I don't know if Glen Duncan was planning to write three books about werewolves when he sat down to write his first one—and let's face it there doesn't seem like there'd be much scope for a sequel with a title like The Last Werewolf—but as I was reading it I could see that he was raising a lot of interesting issues that just didn't seem to be getting explored.

The title is classic misdirection because Jake is not the last werewolf. Granted he thinks he is and everyone else thinks he is and so it came as a great surprise when he not only runs into a second werewolf but that it's that rare commodity, a she-wolf, who, after Jake's inevitable death, takes on the mantel of being the last werewolf only she's not going to be for long because she's pregnant by Jake.

One of the things I hate about the horror genre as it stands at the moment is that the rules keep changing. Take vampires: some can't go out in daylight, some can; some sparkle, most don't. The same goes for werewolves. In Duncan's universe it's not normal for werewolves to reproduce other than by through infection so Talulla Demetriou's pregnancy is unusual to put it mildly and sure enough within the first few short chapters she's given birth whilst transformed (now it wouldn't have been any fun for her to give birth as a human, would it?) to two cute … I suppose you would have to call them cubs although I don't think Duncan ever does. A boy, Lorcan, is followed by a girl, Zoë. That is a bit of a spoiler because she never mentions twins and when her son is kidnapped by vampires a minute or two after his birth (yes, I know, I know, another spoiler) I didn't expect her to produce a second.

What I liked about The Last Werewolf was the protagonist. He was two hundred years old, introspective, insular, sullen and really not terribly worried about being the last of his kind. He was a good narrator, though, because he really made all the necessary exposition interesting. We got to know the nature of the beast and the nature of the man in which the wulf slept. Of course the angst-ridden werewolf is not new. Lon Chaney Jnr's portrayal of Larry Talbot in The Wolf Man is a perfect example. He manages to give Larry the tragic quality of a man trapped by a curse he doesn't understand or deserve. And Glen Duncan's Jake is not unlike him although after two hundred years he's become reconciled to what he is; he's just a bit sick of it. Talulla on the other hand is relatively new to the game and she only has a short time with Jake for her to bring her up to speed before he gets himself killed. He does however leave his journals and she regularly refers to them throughout this novel. I wouldn't recommend coming into Talulla Rising without having first read The Last Werewolf but if you should then you will get much of the backstory in dribs and drabs but you also miss out on a lot.

This is a hard book to review without giving away too much of the plot. If you've read the first book you'll realise that unlike Universal's universe, where the wolf man and Count Dracula simply encounter each other in House of Dracula, more and more writers are linking the pasts and the destinies of werewolves and vampires. In The Vampire Diaries, for example, a moonstone was supposedly used some time in the 15th century, by an Aztec shaman, as the focus of a curse laid on both vampires and werewolves; the effects of the curse made vampires vulnerable to the sun, and tied werewolves' transformation to the full moon. In Duncan's universe vampires believe that the blood of a werewolf will immunise them against the effects of the sun. Only, of course, there's a catch. If there wasn't they would have just gone out and drained every living werewolf dry. And that never happened. One of the reasons numbers have fallen is the fact that they've been hunted to near-extinction by an organisation called WOCOP (World Organisation for the Control of Occult Phenomena). WOCOP wanted her head, the vampires wanted her blood and all Talulla wants is a couple of day's peace and quiet to give birth. She's secreted herself away in a hunting lodge fifteen miles from the nearest neighbour and ninety minutes northeast of Fairbanks, Alaska. She's alone apart from Cloquet, her human familiar, and Kaitlyn—she would be a late dinner come moonrise the next night. Thankfully the poor girl has no idea; she thinks she's been kidnapped and being held until a ransom is paid. Probably just as well.

Buster CrabbeA contemporary of Lon Chaney Jnr was Buster Crabbe, the King of the Serials. I doubt anyone reading this blog will have seen more than a clip or two of him but the trick to the serials was to always end on a cliff-hanger. Doctor Who used to do them in the old days but they're very effective because you keep coming back for more. Glen Duncan uses them to great effect. If you want to write a page-turner then pay close attention to his technique. It's pretty damn near flawless. Okay a few of his chapter breaks I didn't think were all that necessary unless you want to keep all your chapters under a certain word count but mostly his chapters end like this:

A voice with a weird accent said: 'Twenty thousand years, you think you've seen it all.'

I jumped. It was right behind me (how the fuck?) – but when I turned there was no one there.

For a moment I stood still, breath moist and warm around my muzzle.

Then my waters broke.

Thankfully not all his paragraphs are this short. But you get the idea. Who could not read Chapter 6 after an ending like that? Chapter 7 ends:

I lay on my side, jaws clamped around one of the table legs. My thighs were sticky with blood. During the final stages of labour the uterine contractions are very strong and usually painful. The baby's head presses on the pelvic floor, which causes the mother to have and overwhelming urge to push. In the gap before the final contraction I heard Kaitlyn thrashing around in the bathroom. Then it was the last contraction, and with a sharp scalloping sensation and a sound like a rubber glove being pulled off, the baby, in a knot of satiny gore, slithered out of me.

At that moment Cloquet crashed through the window and went flying across the floor.

Of course the worst thing about Chapter 6 is that it ends on an even page and so before you can help yourself your eye's flitted across the page 53 which begins:

They were here.

And you're off again. You look ahead. Only seven pages. It won't take long to read seven pages. The big question is: How does Chapter 7 end? Dare I risk it? Shouldn't I have been in bed an hour ago?

You will note from the description of the birth above that Duncan does not shy away from graphic—on occasion bordering on pornographic—detail. And by 'pornographic' I don't mean sexual although if you're squeamish when it comes to acts of congress being described then this might not be for you either. Talulla is a sexual being—she talks about herself as "the Very Bad Dirty Filthy Little Girl"—every bit as much as the male of the species only from all accounts she had quite the head start before she got turned. As a vampire notes in the first novel:

The vampire gets immortality, immense physical strength, hypnotic ability, the power of flight, psychic grandeur and emotional depth. The werewolf gets dyslexia and a permanent erection. It’s hardly worth making the comparison…

Sex and death and intrinsically intertwined as far as werewolves are concerned. Jake talked about "fuckkilleat" and Talulla takes up that banner. Comparing herself to scientists who experiment on werewolves she writes:

It's only the best for us if it's the worst for them. Unlike the men in white we, monsters, wanted the person we were killing to know - through the blood-blur and the din of their own screams – not only that we knew what we were doing but that we loved doing it. We wanted our victims to see that our pleasure increased with their horror, that the horror was required, that their situation was hopeless. That was the dirty truth, the obscene heart of fuckkilleat: their hopelessness serviced our joy. In the court of human appeal the scientists were better off. At least they weren't doing it for fun. At least it didn't turn them on.

This is simply a primary motivation for survival of the species. One of her fondest memories was of a shared kill during which Jake has sex with her while she's busy devouring their kill. You either embrace wulf or you kill yourself. Maybe after two hundred years she might think differently but not yet. Not for a long time yet.

In my review of The Last Werewolf I wrote:

This is an intelligent, well-written, carefully-plotted novel; loose ends are tied up and he even has time for a neat twist at the very end. A lot of thought has gone into it.

the-last-werewolfI could say exactly the same about this book. But is Talulla Rising as good? This is why I started talking about the Aliens films at the start. Talulla Rising is a different book to The Last Werewolf. There is more action and less soul searching. It also ends up having more werewolves—I'm obviously not going to tell you how—but is more better? Were more aliens better than one alien? At least with Aliens there was continuity: we still had Ripley. Here we have a very different lead but—wisely, I think—Jake's ghost is never far from the proceedings, especially at the beginning. I have read reviews that think Talulla Rising is better. I don't. I don't think it's bad—it's far from being bad—but I preferred the first book. I preferred Alien but I must have watched Aliens a half dozen times. Can't see me reading Talulla Rising more than once but then I'm really not a fan of the horror genre. And the gorier it gets the less I care for it. I would never watch a film like Saw or Hostel.

One of the things I commented on in the first book was its black humour. This second book isn't humourless—and what humour there is is certainly pitch black—but the tone is different. Here we have a mother whose son has been stolen and who is likely facing an excruciating death—Talulla tortures herself with images of what her son might have to undergo—and does it really matter that the mother is a killer herself? A mother has lost her son; her pain is palpable. Can a bloke write about motherhood? You'd have to ask a female reader that. I was reasonably convinced; his heart's in the right place. This is, however, why Talulla might come off as shallow compared to Jake who has nothing else to do with his life bar pontificate. He's not even in fear of his life so much because he knows that nothing will happen—certainly not from WOCOP's end—until the next full moon; where's the fun in killing him before he's transformed? Talulla has a one-track mind right from the start and although she find herself getting distracted by sex on occasion really nothing is going to override her maternal drives: keep the kid she has safe; find the one who's been taken ASAP; kill anything that gets in your way. A she-bear or a lioness would feel as much.

The correlation between the curse of the werewolf and the "curse" (euphemism for menstruating) is an obvious one and it has been tackled before (Alan Moore in Swamp Thing v2. #40—see detailed article here—and also the film Ginger Snaps) but Duncan makes all the right (and understandable) connections. The werewolf curse proves a perfect metaphor for the female condition: “Everyone should have a year as a werewolf,” Talulla says. In an interview with CNN Duncan was asked:

CNN: Talulla is such a compelling character, was there a big difference between writing her voice and Jake?

Duncan: Yes. Jake is just me. Or, rather, me in his predicament: not very difficult to write. With Talulla I didn't have the crutch (ahem) of my own gender and personality to lean on. There's no way of knowing if the imaginative projection is a success except in so far as readers find Talulla a convincing female. Let's see.

Interesting, as he reveals in this interview, although the idea for a female werewolf came from his girlfriend when it came to writing her he refused genuine female input:

You have to put yourself in your characters’ shoes. It’s just doing the imaginative work. If you are a writer worth your salt, I don’t think there is a substitute for the act of imaginative extension or investment.

There were some things I might want to take issue with. For example, a vampire apparently can’t drink “dead” blood, only blood that left the body while the body was alive and yet selfsame vampire is happy to drink blood from bags. I didn't buy that and it's not critical to the story. Also would you be willing to have unprotected sex with a werewolf albeit in human form when all it takes is a tiny scratch to infect you? What do they teach their cadets at WOCOP when they're going through basic training? I'm nitpicking but things like this niggle at me. At one point she gets captured by WOCOP—not exactly a spoiler because it would have been a rotten book if they hadn't captured her—but I have to say I saw how she was going to escape a mile off and I really wasn’t looking for it. There were bits I thought were actually sweet, like the fact that Talulla had never seen a real wolf until a pack come to her aid during the first attack by the vampires.

Reviews are across the board. They veer towards the positive but even some of the papers have been quite unforgiving. For example Elizabeth Hand in The Washington Post wrote:

What made The Last Werewolf so compelling was its tight focus on the solitary werewolf Jake, who undergoes an even more remarkable transformation when he discovers he is not alone and finds his centuries-long malaise cured by emotions other than hunger and self-loathing.

Talulla Rising forsakes all subtlety for a wearying recitation of gore, interspecies sex and increasingly absurd plot twists…

Goodreads reviewer David Edmonds disagrees:

I think what really did it for me was the fact that Jake was just sitting around, waiting to die in the first book, and in this book, Talulla actually has a purpose in trying to rescue her children. Her life has meaning, whereas by the time Jake meets her in his book and has meaning in his life again, I just didn't care if he lived or died. I'd spent so much time in the first book just slogging through him whining and whining and whining about being old, not caring, blah blah blah that I didn't care for him. At all. I know I probably should have felt for him and his plight, but I didn't.

The action is fairly nonstop in this [Talulla Rising]. […] What follows is a whirlwind adventure across the globe as Talulla tries to rescue her son from the vampires and the Helios project.

Is Aliens a better film than Alien? It depends. And it depends what kind of book you enjoy reading whether you'll prefer The Last Werewolf to Talulla Rising. For my money Duncan should have shed fifty to a hundred pages and given us a leaner, cleaner horror-thriller. The vestiges of Jake actually drag the book down a notch. If you've ever seen the extended version of Alien you will know exactly where I'm coming from. Feel free to disagree.

You can read an excerpt of the book here or you can let Glen Duncan read to you by clicking on the video below:

***

Glen Duncan was born in Bolton in 1965. His family is Anglo-Indian and he’s the only one of his three siblings to not be born in India. (There’s an interesting article by him in The New York Times about his upbringing.) He studied philosophy and literature at Lancaster University. After working as a bookseller for some years, he travelled around America and India on Amtrak trains, before becoming a writer.

His first novel, Hope, was published in 1997, and has been followed by a further seven novels: Love Remains(2000); I, Lucifer (2002), shortlisted for the Geoffrey Faber Memorial Prize, the premise being that the Devil has been allowed a month to live in mortal form to ingratiate himself with God before the end of the world; Weathercock (2003); Death of an Ordinary Man(2004); The Bloodstone Papers (2006), set in India in 1946, A Day and A Night and A Day (2009), The Last Werewolf (2011) and now Talulla Rising.

Glen DuncanDuncan was named by The Times Literary Supplement as one of Britain's twenty best young novelists. He lives in New York and London. According to William Skidelsky in The Guardian, Duncan "specialises in writing novels that can't easily be pigeon-holed." Similarly, David Robson in The Telegraph has noted that Duncan is "an idiosyncratic talent", adding, "You never know quite which way he is going to turn." Duncan cites his influences as Mary Gaitskill, a contemporary writer notorious for her forays into S&M, and “[t]he late, great John Updike—probably the best stylist of modern times. His style is sensuous and tender, but never short changes your intellect.” Oh, and Sid James: “Why? That's an impossible question to answer.”

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